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(175 Posts)
lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 13:52:32

thought id start this thread coz there seem to be a few of us on here. ive been anorexic since i was little, started my first diet aged 6 and have struggled ever since. still have tumbles but getting a bit of control back now.

anyone else?

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 14:31:41


hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 15:01:56

Mee tooo!!

I had childhood anorexia/bulimia, went on to self harm and pills you name it i've done it. Had a few years break but now have it back again (not that it ever leaves you but it just tipped the see saw if you know what I mean) I booked myself into a residential clinic a few weeks back and now am in the outpatients dept - Have to go back daily.

Theres ben so much on tv lately that I think its triggered alot of us off, but you just have to watch it! we're like a magnet.

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 15:12:02

agree, i think its like being any other type of addict, you get a physical rush from starving/gorging and THATS what you become addicted to.

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 15:13:26

well done for seeing the signs tho. every time i slip its coz i think that this time i can control it. if i can train my body not to want food then i can control my brain as well iykwim

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 18:31:50

Yes I didn't start it because I thought I was fat, I just found food as the only thing I was in control of. I was abused from toddler age to my early teens then ended up in a violent relationship so now live life on my own with my two dd's .. wouldn't want another man in my life for anything.

I used to give my food away and always try and feed up everyone else. I hate the staring though - do you get that?

It is so addictive people don't realise, they think you can just stop or you are being silly or attention seeking, far from it My mum never accepted it even though I was hospitalised & force fed. I don't bother telling her anything, most of my family has been Fced up by our upbringings. My sister tried numerous times to kill herself & has been sectioned 6 times.

My ed was my only comfort, I didn't care if it was going to kill me at that time I would rather have been dead. Not now though! I have my babies now and my own house far far away

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 18:40:54

i used to throw up when i saw people eating and when i did eat i had to chew my food a set number of times, usually 28 times.

amazing really, my sd was a v violent man, and tbh i couldnt have given a feck how thin or fat i was. i just wanted to disappear and with every meal i avoided i was getting one over on mum and sd.

the prob is that now i still love that feeling of being empty. my weight has been good for 12m now but i resent still being anorexic. its so tiring!

are you still in touch with your family?

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 18:46:37

Yes I am still in touch but far enough away to have my own much needed space.

My mum, my sister & I are very close but we still keep things to ourselves - if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean about feeling empty, I have to live by the clock, have set meals on set days so I don't have to think about food, its not an enjoyable thing its just a chore. I forget to eat and drink, just don't get hungry!

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 19:26:43

thats it exactly. people ask me what ive eaten and i really dont know that ive not eaten. you train your body not to miss food!

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 19:33:57

wow how wonderful to speak to somebody who's on the samw wavelength

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 19:35:59

i know. normally when i refer to my ed people look at me as if im a loon and i know theyre thinking "attention seeker"

how old were you when you started controling your food?

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 19:42:08

I don't really know to be honest, it's always been there and never not been a part of my life. I was a huge baby but I think out of worry and fear I lost my appetite then got used to feeling hungry then as you say it just becomes a habbit - a way of life - an addiction.

How about you?

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 19:47:26

i was 6. started by pretending to eat, would rip up sandwiches, eat in my room etc, then the more i got away with it the better i felt. i had this secret power that noone else knew about. until i was 10 i just about managed to keep on top of it then the abuse got v bad and so i started obsessing about getting my weight down to 0. when i was 14 i was taken into hospital, my kidneys were on the verge of collapse and my hair was falling out in clumps. moved out of home and since then have struggled, but getting better now!

CountTo10 Thu 08-Mar-07 19:54:24

Hello there thought I'd join you.

I started suffering with this at 16 and ended up in treatment. Have had relapses on and off ever since but luckily seem to get myself out of them.

Funny but it was only about 2 years ago that I realised you never fully get over an eating disorder more that you're in recovery. With me it was about weight but also the control thing. Not just about controlling what went in but hoe much weight came off etc. Mine is very much linked to stress. When there are things going on that I can't handle I just retreat and stop eating. I haven't had a serious episode for a while but I still go through phases where I'll cut out a meal without realising it or have sudden binges cause I'm pissed off etc.

Nice to know there are others out there though. There's been loads of talk about the size 0 thing since last night and though I don't agree with the latest trend and crash dieting blah blah when people talk about how can someone not eat etc it does make me feel quite awkward.

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 20:03:18

Hi there CountTo10

Welcome to the thread, yes you never recover, you merely keep above it and sometimes it surfaces and you just have to push it back under(if you get my meaning)

There has been alot of talk about ed's and size 0 which gets your mind going. I like loosing the weight too I remember seeing 3 stone on the scales (bearing in mind I started very young) & part of me wants to see that again, the other part knows I wont as I'l be dead before I do!

When things upset you come and speak to us we'l sort you out

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 20:39:21

welcome countto10! we'll look after you

tbh i think the media is wrongly blaming the size 0 thing for the rise in eds. its simply that its more widely known about now, so easier to diagnose iykwim

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 20:41:20

Yes I agree but we ed sufferers tend to wear more baggier clothes anyway

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 20:44:01


pleaseread Thu 08-Mar-07 20:48:43

I am so glad i saw this. i was anorexic at 15 and began bulimia at 17. now i am 28 and i have 2 kids.

when i was 21 i 'realised' i had a problem and started trying to help myself, to NO avail.

spiraled to depression on and off etc etc

i have found something that worked for me and i want to share with all of you

and i once used to think - you never really get over an ed, but i really feel that i have.

i don't have to struggle in order not to binge, or fast. i eat normally and it comes naturally. i really get emotional every time i realize that i dont have those weird stomach turning things that make me run to the fridge.

what i did was NLP. its a kind of hypnotherapy. go to and read about it. they have people who work on harley street. i really hope you all take this into consideration and try it. it SAVED my life, it gave me my life back.

i'd be happy to know if any of you try it and also find that it works.

lissielou Thu 08-Mar-07 20:51:56

thank you pleaseread! im starting a counselling course in april and my therapist has asked me to consider specialising in eds, so might look into that!

ChopinRocks Thu 08-Mar-07 23:10:28

hi everyone,

i dont have an eating disorder but my neice does. Shes 23 and has other health problems (serious) and I feel I need to understand annorexia and bullimia more to try and help her as her mother and me and all the family are really worried.

What triggers it?

hillary Thu 08-Mar-07 23:14:12

Hi ChoppinRocks

Sorry to hear about your niece, Its hard to say really what's triggered it, its usualy 'caught' when you are vulnerable at your lowest and your in a situation you cannot deal with. What other health problems does she have (if you dont mind me askin)?

ChopinRocks Thu 08-Mar-07 23:17:12

diabetes, asthma and (the biggie) cystic fibrosis

impostoryummymummy Thu 08-Mar-07 23:17:46

there must be many differnet things that can trigger it. two that i know are common are fears (and not knowing how to deal with them), and an innability to communicate verbally (not physical, but psychological or emotional)

if someone would have forced me to get treated for bulimia at 23, it would have really helped me. in my opinion the only way to do that is send her somewhere with a 24h watch.

you could also try NLP with her, see my post below. it works for all sorts of problems,

impostoryummymummy Thu 08-Mar-07 23:19:14

i'm sorry to hear that. it must be very hard to have to grow up and deal with those things. i hope you find some way to help her.

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