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AIBU about not allowing in laws to smoke in a house we bought them?

(56 Posts)
LaraAxelrod Mon 20-Mar-17 17:45:29

We are in the fortunate position of being able to buy a house for my parents in law to live in. They wanted to move back to England but didn't have enough money of their own to buy somewhere nice close to us. We have therefore offered to buy a house which they can live in. They are both heavy smokers (30+ a day each). The idea would be that it's an investment for us. However our daughter has asthma and I am worried about 1) her being able to even visit the house and 2) how badly the smoking will have affected the house when it comes to selling it on.

Is it unreasonable to expect them to smoke outside or even just isolate their smoking to one room?

kingscrossnoodle Mon 20-Mar-17 17:57:40

I'm not even a smoker but I would be saying thanks but no thanks.

Soutty Mon 20-Mar-17 18:00:53

No it's not reasonable. I don't smoke either by the way.

Soutty Mon 20-Mar-17 18:01:45

Or rather yes, it is unreasonable.

DarrylsLilAssKicker Mon 20-Mar-17 18:03:44

I think it's fine to ask them to smoke outside. If you were a landlord letting to unrelated tenants you could insist on this. Smoking is so grim and if you smoke inside the smell sticks to everything.

HillysChair Mon 20-Mar-17 18:03:49


Ask them not to smoke when DC go round. Repaint when you sell

You can't give gifts with conditions

What if they decorate it in a way you don't like?

Gallavich Mon 20-Mar-17 18:03:51

Why is it unreasonable? Most rentals stipulate no smoking indoors. Nicotine can permeate walls and stink for years after the smokers have moved out.
They will probably ignore you though - are you prepared for that? Sounds like a recipe for resentment on both sides

dangerrabbit Mon 20-Mar-17 18:04:20

Are you putting the property in their name or acting as a landlord?

If a gift, YABU to set rules in someone else's house

If you will be landlord, YANBU to set rules in your own house of how you want tenants to behave.

Gallavich Mon 20-Mar-17 18:04:49

You can't give gifts with conditions What if they decorate it in a way you don't like?

It's not a gift, it's a rental property (I'm assuming - they didn't say they were buying it as a gift did they?)

LaraAxelrod Mon 20-Mar-17 18:05:59

It isn't a gift. We would own the house and it would be in our name.

LaraAxelrod Mon 20-Mar-17 18:08:15

Thanks, Gallavich, I agree about the smoke smell staying in the house for years. It's not as simple as just giving it a lick of fresh paint.

Bluntness100 Mon 20-Mar-17 18:08:22

I think this is difficult. I'm assuming it's to be their home, as such they should be able to live in it as they please. So as much as I wouldn't like it, I would not dictate this to them, no.

By telling them what they can and cannot do inside it, you are simply reminding them it's yours and they can't afford a home.

So for me, no, if I offered to buy family a home to live in, I would not dictate the way they need to live.

NavyandWhite Mon 20-Mar-17 18:18:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuttsNutts Mon 20-Mar-17 18:22:09

You can ask but I bet they won't stick to it if they are used to smoking in their home.

And that would set you up for arguments.

I hate the smell of cigarette smoke but personally I wouldn't make a 'gift' with conditions.

Trills Mon 20-Mar-17 18:24:24

It's reasonable for a landlord to ask tenants not to smoke inside.

Your relationship is more complicated than that though.

Where will they be living if you don't buy them a house?

Northernlurker Mon 20-Mar-17 18:25:45

How old are your inlaws? You could be 'investing' for forty years. I think this is a bad plan.

HillysChair Mon 20-Mar-17 18:27:10

Will you be charging them rent or would they just be living there?

I still think you're being unreasonable

LaraAxelrod Mon 20-Mar-17 18:30:46

Trills - they would need to buy something smaller (a flat maybe) in another area. My husband is keen they are close to us as they get older. They are very keen on our offer as, let's just say, they have fairly high expectations of what is acceptable for them to live in and aren't keen on what they can afford themselves.

I wouldn't mind if it was one of them smoking lightly but, believe me, that level of smoking is like walking into a large ashtray.

Thanks to everyone who has replied.

shirleycartersaidso Mon 20-Mar-17 18:31:02

I smoke. I don't think you are being unreasonable. I would never smoke in my house.

LaraAxelrod Mon 20-Mar-17 18:31:43

They are in their late 60s and no we won't be charging them rent.

Batteriesallgone Mon 20-Mar-17 18:33:09

Well it's your DH who's going to have to enforce it. What does he think?

MangoSplit Mon 20-Mar-17 18:34:01

I don't think it's an unreasonable request. However I agree with others that they may ignore you, so you may need to consider how you would deal with that if it happens.

What does DH think? Does he agree with you?

Imisscheese Mon 20-Mar-17 18:35:00

I don't think this is unreasonable. When we bought our house two heavy smokers had lived in it for years. It was a nightmare to get rid of.

Welshgirl40 Mon 20-Mar-17 18:36:27

Compromise to one room on the premise of their grand daughter coming around, but more a suggestion? It may work, but won't offend.

LaraAxelrod Mon 20-Mar-17 18:36:32

As much as my DH would love to enforce it; he wouldn't. They are quite difficult characters. Very stubborn. So he probably wouldn't even raise it despite the issue with our daughter's asthma. I think we are just going to have to let it go and deal with the damage once they've finished with the house. Not ideal but he is very keen to help them.

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