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Surgical Abortion.

(8 Posts)
Chickendipper12 Tue 14-Mar-17 21:12:02

So this isnt easy to talk about and I no doubt will get some grief which I expect.

But yesterday I had an abortion a choice that wasnt made lightly. I am a mother of two and my youngest is only 6 months old. The choice was made as I think and still think it was the best choice for my family.

While me and my partner were making or choice we looked online alot to find people experiences and there wasnt much to go off =/. The unknown probably made the whole situation worse.
I am suffering from mixed emotions and guilt and still suffering from cramps but I feel like I should share what happened because it may help someone if they ever this hard choice.
I couldn't tell you when it happened but found myself sat on the toilet hoping for one line to show up on a pregnancy test and of course two appeared. I didnt even know what to say to my partner so I just gave him the test.
We had a long talk and I told him with him working away so often I didnt think I.could handle three kids on my own most of the time. He said he feels like hes missing out already and the 3rd child would add to his guilt so on so on and the decision was made.
4 days later im booked in for a consultation and medical at a local womens hospital. All sorts of different women were sat awkwardly waiting to be seen making odd comments about horrific reports on the news.
My name was called and I was talk into a small room to have my hight, weight and blood pressure taken. Given print outs to read and sent back to the waiting room. The print outs were about the the different procedures available I read them and still had no clue. I didnt even know how pregnant I was never mind procedure I wanted.
As soon as id finishes reading a nurse came for me to do a scan. I was litrally shaking at this point. It was a internal scan. The screen was turned away and the sound was turned off.
She asked if I wanted to know how far I was or just what procedures were available to me.
What a bloody question.
I asked how far I was and was told I qas 9 weeks and 5 days so only the surgical was available to me.
Well thay settled that I guess im having a surgical abortion.
Back to the waiting room I go avoiding eye contact and responding to the odd comment made until another nurse called me maybe 5 minutes later.
She went over the procedure, asked my reasons, if I needed anyone to talk to and then took my blood for tests.
She then offered me a date 6 days later.

Well thats, that I though and made my way home.

After I got my little ones to bed I sat and spoke to my partner. Gave him details and answered any questions he had. We decided again it was for the best. We had these talks every night after and came to the same conclusion.

The day of the procedure I packed my bags and headed for the hospital. I awkwardly sat in a waiting room filled with woman and their partners, mums or whoever they decided to bring. I went alone I found it easier that way.
The waiting room was filled with mixed emotions. From giggling girls and boyfriends, rolling eyes because of waiting and tears.
I just sat tense in the corner.
We were called in small groups and shown to our personal rooms.
I rang my partner and told him what room I was in as he was coming to the hospital later. I knew I was getting general anaesthetic so I said I would call him when I wake.
A few people came to my room one to ask if id thought about contraception I decided to get the coil fitted once the procedure was done and then the doctor who would preform the procedure.
I got to the hospital at 1 oclock and two oclock a nurse came with two tablets for me to insert came round she explained thay these tablets could alone end the pregnancy and should be sure before I insert them as even if it does no end the pregnancy it could defects if I continued.the pregnancy. She gave me a gown to wear and asked me to take.my hair down.
When she left the room I rang my partner and told him about the tablets and said this was our final discussion we again decided it was the right thing for us.
I hung up the phone, had a wee and inserted the tablets.
I had no cramping or bleeding. I sat on the bed and waited.
Ten to three comes and I get a knock at the door and im asked if im ready. I say yes and im taken to the another ward.
Im given paperwork, asked if I know why im there, if that was my signature, if I wad there if my own free will and lastly do I have any questions.
Everything is a go I guess.
Im then taken into another room the doctor I seen earlier is their along with three others. They talk to me while a needle is put into my hand.
It didnt hurt at all and ask me questions while im given the anaesthetic.I told them id been googling and said I best wake up and be back with my kids soon. They laughed and said google should be banned.

I was asked if I had ever had it and I told them no. They joked about how rare that was and I suddenly got a tingle all over my body.
A guy said to me your going to get light headed soon but I promise youll wake up and be home with your kids soon.

Next thing I wake up in a totally different ward. My god I cried. I was so confused, I was relieved, I felt guilty I didnt know how I felt. But I cried. For a good twenty minutes. I asked how long id been asleep.

15 minutes...it felt like seconds.
Is it done? ...yes its done?
The coil? ... inserted
Where the hell am I? ... the recovery ward.

I didnt know what to think.

I was given a small glass of water. Blood pressure taken and a nurse came to take me back to my personal room.
I rang my partner who left to come the hospital.

Well thats, that I thought.

I few visits later im discharged and go home at half six.
The cramps were horrific and I slept none stop from 8 oclock until 10 the following morning.
Today I have mild cramps, the bleeding is like a normal period and my emotions are mixed.
I do not regret my choice but I still feel very guilty.
Anyway the spelling is probably awful in this but I just wanted to talk about it I guess and maybe give someone the information they are looking for.

PopcornBits Tue 14-Mar-17 21:20:25

Hello,
I've been where you are. I'm sorry you had to go through that. How are you feeling now?
My husband also worked away and although I only have one child, I had terrible spd and I worried that I would not cope with my DD and being pregnant with spd. I made the choice, I knew it was the right choice, I regret that was the only option. I couldn't have adopted because I would of still had to of gone through pregnancy itself and be wheelchair bound on my own.

I can tell that you seem uncertain about what's happened, are you questioning whether you did the right thing? In time you'll look back, and you'll know your answer. We're all human, we do make mistakes, and sometimes we make the right choices, regret isn't a bad thing, and neither is having the choice to make a decision based on your circumstances.

I hope you're feeling better tomorrow. flowers

FellOutOfBed2wice Tue 14-Mar-17 21:20:44

You made a brave and difficult choice. I have two children, youngest is six months too, and I would have done the same in your position.

Chickendipper12 Tue 14-Mar-17 21:28:28

PopcornBits thank you for your reply I am certain of my choice with my youngest I had to have physiotherapy I was in so much pain.
I guess I feel guilty I had to make that choice in the first place.
Its like you said having only one option and regretting that.
I feel so many people dont speak about their experience and I understand why I thought I thread like this would make many of us not feel alone in the choices we have or have to make xxx

FellOutOfBed2wice thank you for your reply. I wish I knew when it happened we were so careful! Xxx

PopcornBits Tue 14-Mar-17 22:25:46

I'm glad that you feel right about your choice, it isn't an easy one to make.
Times a healer right? It's very fresh at the moment.
I thought I was never going to regret what I did but I do, only because I took a life, and felt I had no other option. That's the worst part.
I still feel the choice was right.

I can only sympathise. is your husband being supportive?
Does anybody else know?
Try using a hot water bottle for cramping.

Chickendipper12 Wed 15-Mar-17 08:57:47

PopcornBits how you describe how you feel os exactly how I feel. I know I made the right choice for my two children but having to make that choice by taking the life of my unborn hurts.
I will never say my choice was wrong because I know in my heart it wasnt however I deeply regret being in that position in the first place =(.

Time is a healer but I guess this is going to be a long wound to heal for us both and oir partners.

My oh has been amazing. He is head coffee bringer and hot water bottle filler and has took 2 weeks off to make sure.im okay. I can tell hes struggling with our choice but like me know it was right.
He had a ex fall pregnant when he was 18 they both agreed to keep the baby and the his ex snuck off after borrowing money off him to get a private abortion.he was just expected to deal with it so its opened old wounds for him.
I feel so useless trying to comfort him =(

It has been kept a private matter between me and my oh two many questions from family I dont want to answer. My family would over fuss. Haha

Thank you so much for talking to me about this. Its helping me understand how im feeling xx

Winniethepooer Wed 15-Mar-17 09:07:19

Your incredibly brave to share your experience. Thankyou.

I've never had a termination, out of fear. I was pregnant at 15 & 17 but fear made me continue with the pregnancies especially the second pregnancy.

I suffered years of mental health issues. I didn't bond with the baby. I was never a particularly good mum to her.
I feel horrendously guilty.

Had i read something like your post, it could have changed everything...

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Sending you hugs. flowerscakebrew

Chickendipper12 Wed 15-Mar-17 11:36:35

Winniethepooer this is why I thought it was so important to share.
I was terrified about going and doing this despite knowing it was right for my family.

I understand why people dont share. There are people who judge and just the fear.of not knowing what the hell is going to happen.
If sharing helps one person decide what is the best thing for them regardless if it is an abortion or to continue I know iv done some good.
Xxx

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