Pre-menstrual depression and suicidality

[ravenia]

Backstory: I have had pretty severe mental health issues in the past (anxiety, depression, anorexia) - currently more or less stable, on daily antidepressants however for the most part I cope pretty well - EXCEPT for those 3 days or so just before my period starts

Every really bad decision I've made (suicide attempts, quitting jobs in fits of rage, that kind of thing) has been made during that 3 week window. It's like going back to those black periods of being hopeless, hating myself and filled with an anger I can't control and ends up turned inward (because I do retain enough sense not to lash out). Then my period starts and my mood lifts - if anything I am overjoyed to have that darkness lifted again, because every time it happens I'm afraid it won't lift.

I do have a psychiatrist, but my family have always been so uncomfortable about anything to do with sex or bodies that I can't just go in and say this... the one time he mentioned periods (in the context of anorexia) I literally could not answer, I was so embarrassed.

Is this somehow normal/manageable? I can live with 3 days of hell, but not with the fear that one month it just will not lift.

[Minime85]

Hope you can get some support. I think you need to be honest with any therapist as hard as it is for it to work

[bluejelly]

Huge sympathy. I have PMS tho not as severe... every single argument I have or tear that is shed in those three days prior... it's like I'm overtaken by a banshee.
I do think you should try and talk to your therapist about it though. Nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of and they might be able to suggest coping strategies.

[PingaPenguin]

Try looking into/speaking to the doctor about pre menstrual dysphoric disorder.
Hope you are able to get some help with this