First oubreak of genital herpes... please someone talk to me!

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Married to DH for 12 years, I may add I trust him completely.

Have been poorly the last few weeks and therefore immunity very low.
This week I've come out with what I thought was thrush. Took pessary but it did nothing.
The following day the pain was bad. I thought uti. Got in at doctors who said they suspected genital herpes. Sent me to gum clinic who confirmed diagnosis.

This is potentially the worst pain I've ever had.
My entire vulva is covered in weeping sores and blisters, they're spreading up my bum crack :-(
I can't sit, walk, lie. I am in tears all the time. I'm off work as it's so bad.
Weeing is just unbearable. The pain is so bad it's actually feel like I'm going to be sick. It burns the entire way down. I've tried weeing in the bath and the shower, nothing helps.
This is day 4 now, I'm meant to be going on holiday in a week.
I just can't see how I will go if I still feel like this.
The doctor gave me instillagel to put on the affected sores but all it does is burn. It's literally like someone is holding a naked flame to my bits.
I'm also on aciclovir 400mg 3 times a day. I started it yesterday but I'd say the pain is worse today
He said I have a very bad case so I'm also on tramadol which isn't even touching the pain.
Please can anyone offer me some help and advice?
I'm having regular salt water baths and have been in loose jamas all day with no underwear on.
I don't know how long to expect to feel like this
I've missed so much time off work due to my other illness I am mortified to have now had this come out. And i obviously can't tell them why I'm now off again.
I thought I'd be back in work Monday but how I feel now I just can't imagine it

If you don't want to respond on here feel free to pm me.
I just don't know what to expect time frame wise!
And is it normal for this to have lay dormant for 12 odd years?
Neither me or dh have ever had any other symptoms not even a coldsore in our lives

Thanks

[BubbleGums]

I'm sorry to hear you are so poorly :(
Bare in mind the primary outbreak is most painful and if you get episodes after they will be shorter and less severe (antiviral medication will help to shorter it too).
Other than what you are doing at the moment (salt baths, loose PJs) I can't offer much more practical advice.
Yes it is possible for the virus to be dormant for a long time - I work in GUM. I advise looking at herpes.org.uk!
Take care of yourself

[fortunacookie]

Why do you trust your DH if he has given you an STD.

I caught this many years ago, first time was horrendous like you n I've only had about 3 episodes since. I then married n had to tell my husband. Was understanding as loved me n I got it before I met him but unfortunately he did catch it from me 😔 so was glad I was honest from start.

Made sure the prick that gave me it was told n a few of our mutual friends too.

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Thanks both.
Can you remember how long the 1st episode lasted?

Fortunacookie how do I know that I didn't give it to him? We both had sexual partners before we met and neither of us ever had any symptoms like this.
We have a daughter together and the doc at gum clinic said that as I've been in hpspital he's sure this has only come out now as my immunity is low.
He said dh will have good immunity if he has never had symptoms.
Dh has been very nice about it but I still feel horrible.
I feel like we should never have sex without a condom again :-(

[BubbleGums]

If you have been together for such long time and have been having unprotected sex he most likely has it and is dormant. There isn't a test to test for it unless you are symptomatic. (There is a blood test that pregnant women are given but it only tests for antibodies so it's not very reliable). A lot of people have the virus but never show symptoms.

[BottomlyP0tts]

Oh no - I always get coldsores I am so worried about getting heroes down below.

I don't have experience with herpes but have had insane thrush after giving birth while recovering from severe tears (horrendous)

I went to the GP and demanded stronger pain relief - if the tramadol isn't even touching the pain you need something else. You will clearly not be a drug seeker they just need to take a peak!

Witch hazel ice packs helped a little with the burning feeling.. but not much.

I'm so sorry you are going through this

[Snapespeare]

It will clear up in around 3 days after you start taking aciclover. Although 1st instance is the worst. Personally, I think 12 years is a bit long for it to be dormant and I would be suspicious of husband.

[Spybot]

So Sorry OP, I went through this too. It is possible that this is your first outbreak, caught from your husband, maybe you had an abrasion in that area , where it got in. I got it this way from my DH, he had had a cold sore coming on and voila, I got it.

The first outbreak was sheer hell, just as you describe. Take the antiviral meds, don't know how much it will help your actual outbreak but stops viral shedding. You will probably never get an outbreak as bad as this again but be vigilant as to outbreaks when you are run down, particularly after the flu etc. If you suspect prodromal symptoms then start taking your anti viral meds.

Other tips are to dry the area with hairdryer rather than towel, much less painful.

It is a very common affliction, I do think one of the symptoms is a bit of depression. My first outbreak was 14 years ago and I get them very rarely.

You should feel better soon. Meanwhile,
and a hug!

[ImperialBlether]

I know a couple of people who've had similarly bad first attacks so I know how horrible it is and really feel for you. They said the first attack was by far the worst and that other attacks occurred when they were very run down.

However, I simply couldn't accept that this had been dormant for 12 years. The people I know who had it discovered it quite shortly (a week or two I think) of being with someone who had it.

[Feebot2001]

You have my sympathy, I had my first outbreak over Easter one year. The pain was horrendous, I think it was about a week before I recovered. I found weeing in the bath didn't help and would bite down on a flannel when I had to pee. I had a couple of outbreaks after that, but haven't had a bad outbreak in years. Hope you recover soon

[TasLondon]

Why, if it helps, I had one breakout, not as bad as yours, but 28 years and many many partners ago, and nothing since.

[PuntCuffin]

It can lie dormant for decades without recurring. It is perfectly possible that OP's DH has been carrying it without knowing it as not everyone gets symptoms. Similarly OP may have been carrying it without knowing and now her immunity is low, it has had a chance to break out.
I was with DH for 3 years before I first had an outbreak. He finally had one about 5 years ago, after 10 years together. We still don't know which of us was the original carrier as we have no reason to doubt each other.

[PuntCuffin]

Oh, and he has only ever had the one instance, while undergoing a stressful career change, whereas I get regular outbreaks, every 6-8 weeks but very mild. I take acyclovir as soon as I start prodromal symptoms and can often prevent it completely although now, it is so mild, I don't always notice any more. I live in hope that this means I will stop having outbreaks at some point soon.

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Thanks everyone. I just want to be better for next weekend! I'll be gutted if we don't go away on our first family holiday as I have herpes

The doctor said that well over half the population carry the virus without knowing and assured me my dh almost certainly carrys it too. He said it's not uncommon for it to come out years and years later.

When I told dh his response said it all. He obviously was curious as to how I'd got it but when I explained what the doctor said he seemed reassured. He was asking if he needs to go and get treatment but I said no as he has no symptoms. He was very chilled about it. I know "it's always the quiet ones" etc but honestly - if you knew him you'd understand why I trust him. He would do absolutely anything for me and our little girl and he feels guilty if he so much as finds a bday present I've hidden from him and he has to tell me..

[WhyTheHeckMe]

I'm really glad so many of you have responded to this. It makes me feel less alone. I do hope it's true about future outbreaks being less severe. It's just unbearable!

Puntcuffin do you have to go to doc / gum clinic for treatment every time? My concern is my docs are a nightmare to get in at. I'd rather have a supply of Meds at home. We travel a lot and I can't imagine going through this again away from home. I also know that taking the antivirals as early as possible is very important so I don't know how to go about it.
Thank all :)

[BottomlyP0tts]

I don't think you need to worry about your DH if you have NO other reason to suspect him.

If I came down with symptoms I would not once think DP was cheating on me.

[PuntCuffin]

I keep them at home. My GP was brilliant about it as it was happening so often and I was getting depressed by the frequency even though I never had a severe outbreak like yours. Mine are odd in that it is not actually on my genitalia either. You may be lucky and never get it again as it has happened when you are immunocompromised. My GP gives me enough to treat 5 outbreaks and I can get repeats without having to go back in every time.

You may find that you are still quite tender next weekend. My skin is often very sensitive for a week or so after I have healed. But it shouldn't stop you travelling.

I have also tried to learn to be more relaxed as a person, and get more sleep to try to reduce frequency/severity.

[ItsNachoCheese]

I ended up at ooh with my first outbreak as i could barely walk. My ex gave me it but he didnt show symptoms and i got my first outbreak 5 days after sleeping with him. It was utter hell. I then fell pregnant and had outbreaks during pregnancy that werent as bad and had one near my due date but it didnt require a section as wasnt a primary outbreak. I still get the odd outbreak but it is mangeable and nowhere near the discomfort of the first. I find the outbreaks now are a lot shorter too

[ItsNachoCheese]

Oh and i got prescribed lidocane solution for my first outbreak and got told to skoosh it down there before i peed... omg what a relief it was having the numbness so i could pee without screaming in agony

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Thanks punt I'll speak to my doc at my follow up next week about getting good the meds ready for round 2 :(

Nacho that's reassuring, thank you. Is lidocaine the same as instillagel? They said that would help with weeing but if I apply it it's like it gets so deep into the sores my whole genitalia is on fire
What a bloody cracking start to the weekend.
Thanks for discussing this with me on a Friday night. What life has become eh

[PuntCuffin]

Your GP might not be willing to give you a 'stash' after a first outbreak. If I remember the stats right, only about 10% of carriers ever have another outbreak after the first one.

I think I had been having regular recurrences for about 3 years before I finally asked for support. Up til then, I just put up with it, even though there were periods when it seemed like I had it constantly for months on end.

Anyway, fingers crossed for a rapid recovery for you.

[EmmaC78]

You should be fine for next weekend. I caught it after a not so nice ex boyfriend cheated on me. I had an outbreak about 12 years ago, which as you say was horrifically painful, but have had nothing since. I would try not to worry about it too much. I hope you feel better soon.

[feelyourpain]

Oh dear, I remember my primary outbreak in 2006, I could barely wee!

But I'm pretty sure the dose for initial break out is 500mg 5 times a day, 400mg 3 times a day is prophylactic dose which I took for years.

Don't blame dh, it can lay dormant for decades...

Please don't worry about reoccurrence. Mine certainly settled down after a couple of years, and now I get an outbreak perhaps once a year? One tiny lone blister that I barely notice...

[Kiwi32]

Have you tried a (well wrapped!) ice pack? That might give you some pain relief. I second the lidocaine. The herpes.org.uk website has lots of good info. It won't be this bad again, hang in there and as stupid as it sounds do everything you can to distract yourself!

[Out2pasture]

with the severe pain did you try anti inflammatories?
because an allergic reaction to them looks very similar to genital herpies
look up "steven Johnson syndrome"