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Am I depressed or on the verge of a breakdown? How do I help myself?

(10 Posts)
yohoohoo Tue 21-Feb-17 09:13:18

Not really sure where to post this - Relationships? Bereavement? Secondary? General Health...who knows if there was a section for "feeling really rubbish & sorry for myself" then maybe.

The last 6 months have been a horrible time. End of August I found out my DH had been having an emotion affair - I found emails, messages between him and OW he'd met 4 weeks previously on a stag weekend away - swears blind it was just texts etc. and he was flattered byt hte attention and it was all a mistake...blah blah blah ... but who knows. It knocked me for six THEN at the same time and not putting it aside, but I told DH I needed time to digest what had happened but as DS was literally just about to start secondary a few days later HE was priority not him. DS started and within 3 days he had a melt down, a proper full on melt down. This went on, on and off for a couple of weeks. The adjustment was just too much for him and although he is a confident child just all got to him. Then an older yr 10 boy started bullying him, DS's tutor sorted it immediately and we made a few adjustments etc. Since October we've had a few melt downs but slowly and surely he is adjusting, will take him time and quite often he has said he hates school but I think he will be ok...eventually.

Gosh then November another blow, my best friend, my best friend in the whole world and whom Ive know for over 40 years died. She took her own life. I was and still am totally shocked, sad, annoyed, upset, just every emotion. Had to take over from her daughter (who has just had a baby) and as Im the executor sort out the house, finances, funeral, post mortum, forthcoming inquest.

The last few months Ive cried everyday for my marriage and my relationship which is not what I thought, we havent been close since all of this happened although we have a couple of weekends away booked as part of my birthday presents. My Son his emotional state, how he will settle this term at school and my best friend, Ive cried because she didnt come to me, because I couldnt help her. Although I have stopped crying so much now down to once a week, Im at a point now where Im just fed up, numb and feeling sorry for myself. I want my life to go back to "normal". Life is so hard DS is acting very teenagish at the mo, a real battle with cheek and back chat which causes a strain on our homelife.

I did speak to a friend when I found out about DH as I literally went into shock and panic and needed to speak to someone as I was scared plus she could have DS if I needed to go somewhere...since then I just dont want to talk about it all she asks I just say we're working through it.

DH well thinks life's all ok and if we dont talk about it, it will all go away. I feel sad, lonely and just well lost. I dont want any anti-depression meds, however my GP does know about my friend as I went to her recently as she went through he post mortum findings with me to help me understand and I had a little cry so Im sure she's noted it on my file.

I do feel a little better now Ive written this down although not sure anyone will read such a long post!!! Also dont mean to sound sorry for myself just not sure what I need to help myself. Do I take a deep breathe and just get on with life, put it all behind me?

Dodie1970 Tue 21-Feb-17 11:05:17

Hello, I just wanted to share some sympathy with you. I think you are having such a hard time. I am feeling low myself so not able to write too much but just to let you know that I went on meds for a little kick start back in November and it lifted a cloud and I could see clearer. Sending big hugs to you and....... I've also said a little prayer for you smile xxxx

yohoohoo Tue 21-Feb-17 15:18:03

Ah bless you. If you want to share your feelings please PM me, you never know we may be able to help each other!

Im such an in control person still am but feel a bit jaded. Dont really want meds as everything is still there. I just want to be my old self again and get back to a nice life

yohoohoo Wed 22-Feb-17 12:40:39


BatSegundo Fri 24-Feb-17 16:40:33

yohoohoo you sound like you're experiencing a normal reaction to what are wholly overwhelming and abnormal circumstances. You have an enormous amount of loss to deal with and it must be utterly, utterly exhausting. There's no easy answer here, grief is a slow and gruelling process.

I wonder if counselling could help you through this? Holding back your emotions can be very tiring. If you can talk things over with someone, you'll probably find you're drained immediately after the session but then have more energy for the rest of the week.

Please be kind to yourself; when you have so much stress in your life you need to have some way of replenishing your reserves. flowers

yohoohoo Sun 26-Feb-17 11:19:40

There are so many issues to address I cant start to understand which one is causing me the biggest problem. Not sure counselling would be helpful god would know where to start with all that's happened over the last 6 months

MrsandMrsSmith Sun 26-Feb-17 11:25:04

I agree counselling will help. You don't need to decide where to start with it all - your counsellor will guide you. It will help to get everything out.

BatSegundo Wed 01-Mar-17 13:14:55

yoohoo that's what counselling is for. When we get handed more than anyone could cope with, we lose our ability to organise our thoughts and reflect constructively. I was reluctant to go to counseling as I wasn't sure it would help. To my vast surprise I just sat and sobbed through the whole of my first session blush. I barely got a word out but it still helped. I couldn't explain exactly what I was crying about but over the next few months I gradually came to understand which aspects of my circumstances were giving me the most difficulty. It is difficult to describe just how liberating it is to talk freely to someone that you have no responsibility for.

Of course, it is totally up to you whether you want to have counselling or not. But if you're not planning on counselling and you don't want anti depressants, you probably need to find some other way to help yourself through this very difficult time, whatever that might look like for you flowers

araclouise Sun 05-Mar-17 03:17:44

Awwww I was filling up reading this . Youv really been through a tough time ❤️ don't ever feel guilt for feeling this way it's only natural . Times a great healer and things will get better again soon here if you need a chat ❤️xxxxxxx

TheUnseenAcademic Sun 05-Mar-17 08:11:15

I don't have any wisdom to add but wanted to say that I think you're amazing- any one of those things could have felled someone (and fair enough) but to have to cope with all three... I also think that counselling is a good idea. And I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

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