Hello all,
I previously posted about a very emotionally and physically abuse relationship I was in since I was 14 (5 years). Towards the end of the relationship the violence was becoming more and more dangerous, I.e broken bones but I only found the strength to leave on the night he tried to kill me. My neighbour called the police and he was arrested. I was offered immediate support from the police, friends and family whom had no idea how bad things were - with this support I was finally able to find the strength to leave the relationship.
He was charged with ABH by battery and Criminal Damage. Unfortunately, due to a few different circumstances the trial is still ongoing and I am currently awaiting a trial date 6 months on from the incident. He is on bail with conditions against contacting me or our daughter which is reassuring in some respects for the time being.
However, the main reason I'm here is because although I'm living a normal and stable life now, full time dream career, social life and a happy home I am still finding some things increasingly difficult to deal with, and I'd be grateful for some advise if anyone's suffered the same.
I sometimes find myself incredibly fearful. I can't sit in a car unless it's locked, be outside on my own for too long, nip out to the car or to put my bins out after dark or even go into my local town anymore in the fear that he's waiting somewhere.
My daughter gets very stressed and begs for her daddy some days and I find this hard to deal with - he has made no effort for contact (I had a prohibited steps order put in place anyway). How do I explain why he isn't here anymore to her?
Most importantly, another area I am struggling with is a new relationship. I have met a man who is so kind, caring and fun with me and my daughter. He has so much respect for me and my daughter and has never done anything to make me feel concerned.
However, I'm finding it so hard to not shut him out. I constantly worry about things he might do, or ways he might make me feel. I know I have this wall up and there's no way I'm finding to effectively remove it. I find myself thinking I'd be better off alone because that's the only way I can ensure I'm not physically or emotionally hurt again.
Yes I have spoken to him in some depth about my past but I am hesitant and it actually makes my anxiety worse after doing this, I worry I will have scared him of or even perhaps he will think I'm weak and vulnerable and il end up in a similar place again.
Strangely enough, some days I miss my abuser. Not the abuse, but I did love him so dearly and I find myself hoping he is ok and wondering if there's anyway I could have helped his behaviour more. I would never, ever act on this of course, if I think about actually seeing him I cant think of anything more terrifying.
I spoke with a doctor who put me on anxiety and anti depressants but I didn't notice much difference and my friends and family noted that I just didn't seem like myself anymore when on them, almost dull and dazed out of life.
I really feel I would benefit from a few counceling sessions, talking helps me a lot but I work full time, study a degree and have a 2 year old so I really don't have anywhere to fit that in.
Any advise, or experiences would be wonderful to hear.
Thank you for listening to me rant.
X
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.
General health
Domestically violent relationships : after leaving
6 replies
on123 · 27/01/2017 19:04
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.