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Please talk to me re male diabetes… symptoms before diagnosis especially mental/ emotional

(27 Posts)
alltoomuchrightnow Sat 14-Jan-17 02:11:05

Finding life very hard at the moment with DP.
We both think it's likely he has diabetes.
He has thought this for years but hates doctors (never goes) but has finally made an appointment and is going a week on Monday as in his words 'this has been going on too long'

I don't wish he does have it yet a little part of me secretly does as I keep making excuses for his behaviour and wondering if it is because he has untreated diabetes
If you are a man or the man in your life has it, please could you tell me what it was like before you were diagnosed? Especially mentally/ emotionally.

He has many of the symptoms I've googled apart from weight loss and a raging thirst.

Could part of it be not just impotence (although this is not major) but also libido loss ? (which is the bigger problem of the two)
The main issue is his anger/temper/irritability. He is constantly exhausted and I'm always on egg shells because of his temper. He blows up about the most irrational things and I can't reason with him as he won't even talk. He is just so angry and tired. However, I'm the one he takes it out on, not his friends.
I should point out that he has had a lot of loss too so bereavements could be part of all this. Because of this I have not left him but he does need to seek help. He lost his sister in the summer and his gran died last week. There have been losses of friends too last year. So he has really been through it. There's been a few outbursts in the last week where he's really scared me. But as I said, he had another loss.
I just don't know how much more abuse I can put up with. I'm aware of what I need to do (if I leave) and this isn't about me. I don't want to leave but I am having to try and get my head around I may need to. (this is not the issue and I will do another post about that not in GH if need to)
I just wanted some input really. If it's likely to be diabetes then it would explain so much and perhaps if treated the man i love would come back.

I just wanted it confirmed or not as to whether the aggression and mood swings could be part of it being untreated.

alltoomuchrightnow Sat 14-Jan-17 02:12:33

I should say that his mother is diabetic, as was the gran that just passed
I feel he is heading for a breakdown and perhaps it's a much bigger picture than just possible diabetes but I'm trying to separate the issues right now to get a clearer view

alltoomuchrightnow Sat 14-Jan-17 02:14:28

It's a big step that he's finally agreed to see a doctor and he's made a list of all his symptoms. I just don't know how can get through to that appointment over a week away when things feel so desperate

allowlsthinkalot Sat 14-Jan-17 10:58:12

Can you buy a glucometer and check his blood sugar? That would give you an answer re diabetes.

Blood sugar can affect mood and behaviour, yes. Whether it accounts for all your dh's problems I don't know.

MoreProseccoNow Sun 15-Jan-17 10:55:44

I work in diabetes care; the symptoms of diabetes, in my experience, are more physical than emotional. Tiredness can be one, along with passing urine more frequently, thrush, weight loss, occasionally blurred vision.

It wonder if your husband is depressed?

chuntersalot Sun 15-Jan-17 13:17:14

I don't have much of a reliable sample I'm afraid but my FIL describes getting the 'rage' when his blood glucose is high. Type 2 Diabetic for 15 years. I was diagnosed T2D last July. I don't have any emotional reactions when my levels are high or low. My FIL has as far as I know always been an angry person so I do rather think that his Diabetes is a very convenient hanger for his poor behaviour 😟 I did search for a connection between Diabetes and anger / rage response but found very little saying raised glucose levels could be a cause, sorry. However the exhaustion is definitely felt by most of us (male and female) and is directly linked to high glucose.

Hope he and you get some answers from the GP flowers

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 17:33:41

MoreProsecco, he has raging thrush which he's not been able to get rid of (keeps reoccurring). I got him on decent probiotics, grapefruit seed extract etc but hasn't helped much (one thing I do know a lot about is candida and am able to keep my own under control..I used to see a nutritionist about it)

Yes to the blurry vision. He is always dehydrated and we both can smell ketone breath. He isn't peeing more, re weight loss I don't know as his beer belly has got bigger. He is not an alcoholic but is dependant on it (habit; he's fine when sober and doesnt get the shakes)and definitely drinks too much. The slightest thing can set off his anger but it is at home, aimed at me. I just have to say something 'wrong' and it sets him off.
I just want my calm usually gentle partner back.
Soon after his sister died (last summer) he hit me (once, hard). I stayed because of the circumstances. He went back to his normal self.
In the last week, since his gran died he hit me again (not hard) and has been generally vile but fluctuating between 'normal' and awful.
The standard on Mumsnet is to LTB but as you can see there are exceptional circumstances here. I have told him if he hits me again I will leave, no ifs or buts. I won't accept physical and verbal abuse (my last relationship was DV, he was an alcoholic,which I escaped from with the clothes on my back. I'm not one of those women who follow a pattern.. other exs have not been like this. Ironically , DP who i s an old friend of mine, helped me to get back on my feet and we've been together three years now. He showed endless patience and tolerance when I was broken. And now I don't know him sad He is broken now and I can't just turn my back)
So, i'm trying to hold out until the doctors appointment. If it's not diabetes (though it is very likely it is) then I will have to address that, obviously. If he responds well to treatment, then we'll see. I don't know if he'll ever acknowledge the pain he's caused me. Time will tell. It's very hard. As with my last relationship it's not my house. And I have no money.
Anyway this is not about me.
I offered to buy a glucometer but I have no money right now (can't work due to an injury) He won't buy one as doesn't see the point as is seeing the doctor in a week when they will test him themselves. He himself is certain he has diabetes and it's been many years.
I am certain he is depressed but he won't admit to this. He's had a crazy amount of bereavements in the last three years but last year was a record number. This is why I cut him some slack. However, I have a limit on that as I said.
please don't tell me to LTB. I am fully aware I may have to but my options are so limited. Of course if i'm in danger i will but it's awful that as with my last relationship i'm the one that has to leave home, pets, possessions behind. I'll cross that when i have to.
I just want a diagnosis for him. And take it from there
It has taken me three years of asking him to get an appointment. He said he started feeling ill about 14 yrs ago! He has written a list of physical ailments for the doctor which to me is big progress. However I doubt he'll mention anything emotional/ mental

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 17:36:07

I'm in a nightmare position as I'm housebound right now with a broken limb. I can't drive or work. I have hospital tomorrow and hoping they will give me the all clear to drive again (we live middle of nowhere) I have felt so trapped and treading on eggshells. Luckily he is working all weekend

MoreProseccoNow Sun 15-Jan-17 17:38:59

I'm sorry to say this, but he sounds abusive, and it is perhaps easier for you to think of it as diabetes causing this, as you're not facing up to it.

He has hit you, more than once. It is inexcusable.

Diabetes does not cause people to abuse their partners. I think you are in denial & need to stop making excuses for him.

I'm really sorry to be so blunt, and this must be hard for you to hear.

MichaelSheensNextDW Sun 15-Jan-17 18:02:27

So he's a violent alcoholic flowers
You do know what you need to do.
Have you thought about phoning women's aid for a chat? It's not acceptable for you to be in danger from someone who lives with you.

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 18:18:47

I've got their number. Last time I rang them was over four years ago when I was going through this before.
Cannot believe this is happening again sad I'm reeling. This guy was my rock. He helped me so much with getting over the past too (not that I am totally over it, I think i still have post traumatic stress..ex was far worse) He's an old friend as i said, we go way back. No one would even believe me. He's down to earth, salt of earth shy quiet type usually,
I tried to make excuses as you can see. Grief does odd things to people and he's most likely unwell. but I'm not well and had bereavements. I don't even shout at anyone.

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 18:19:41

If i go to a refuge I have to leave my pets. Why should i have to leave them sad
I cannot leave my cat he's my world he's all I've got. I can't have kids. He's a rescue, he needs me.
Why should I be punished.
It's his house, his mortgage, I contribute when I can, but not able to work right now

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 18:20:43

although as i found before, there isn't much help if you don' t have kids. Low priority. I pretty much gave up on the system before but I didn't go down the homeless/ refuge route, i went back to my parents last time for a few months which was not a wise move at all

MoreProseccoNow Sun 15-Jan-17 18:24:24

I believe everything you have said. I'm sorry you are facing this flowers

Would you think about asking for this thread to be moved to the relationships section? There's so much support there.

MichaelSheensNextDW Sun 15-Jan-17 18:29:34

You're absolutely right; grief and shock can make people behave in very out-of-character ways and lash out about small things.
But if he wasn't abusive he would be horrified at himself, would take himself to the GP, find a counsellor, move out etc etc. It's the failure to own up to it and take responsibility for dealing with it that means he is dangerous. He expects you to absorb and accept whatever he chooses - he has made active choices here.
And that danger is not just the risk of him really harming you with a punch or whatever, it's the psychological trauma that accumulates as you live in anxiety, on eggshells, maintaining high alert for his mood and constantly watching what you say and how you say it.
I'm sure you know all this already.
It's so emotionally hard when you love and appreciate a percentage of a person, yet know that they carry a fraction that is unacceptably awful. It's a tough thing to reconcile (understatement - I've been there). Leaving someone you still love is so painful. But it's pain that you will recover from, instead of living in pain forever more.
I really feel for you flowers

MichaelSheensNextDW Sun 15-Jan-17 18:34:58

I've just read your posts about your home circumstances and MoreProsecco's post. I also wonder if you might request that this thread is moved to Relationships? (Press 'report' on your original post and write a short message to MN asking for it to be moved there).
There are lots of posters there who have really good knowledge and experience around housing/relationship problems.
There will be solutions.

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 19:11:26

i was initially going to put it in Relationshiops but knew there'd be cries of nothing but LTB. Which is easier said than done. Of course if it ws my home, I could.
I have nowhere to go, no money, I can't drive as I have a broken shoulder.
I want him to get diagnosed and face up to the pain he's caused. At least acknowledge it. If he can't then that's my answer and he'll lose me forever. Im not under any illusion that there's a miracle cure. But he may just may be ill enough now to act like a jekyll/ hide and he may be able to look back on this as his illness doing it.. i hope so .. i cannot make any more allowances. I can't just run right now (obviously would if raised fist again of course) until the doctors appointment happens

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 19:12:42

It's too easy to say LTB when you don't have friends nearby
You don't have much family and your parents would not help anyway and would only victim blame, probably 'here we go again'
It's too easy when I have no means of transport, pets to look after and i'm not well myself.
I would agree with anyone saying it of course but it's not that simple

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 19:13:16

I don't have support and Womans Aid is a place to talk to but i don't think they offer practical support. Im middle of nowhere as i said, no transport

MoreProseccoNow Sun 15-Jan-17 19:17:58

If you're wanting to move the situation along quickly, you could ask a chemist/pharmacy to test for diabetes. I believe Lloyds pharmacy will test, for free, using a blood glucose meter (which you don't need to buy) & tell you the results there & then.

Or you could ask the GP surgery for a urine sample bottle beforehand & take a sample along with you to the GP. With symptoms of diabetes, they will well ask him to make a separate appointment for a fasting blood glucose test rather than the GP testing him there & then.

What you don't want to be doing is pinning all your hopes on this GP appointment, which might not provide you with the answers you need quickly.

LIZS Sun 15-Jan-17 19:21:59

Have you posted about his alcohol problem and emotional abuse before? You need an escape plan. Somewhere will allow you to take your pet.

MichaelSheensNextDW Sun 15-Jan-17 19:22:13

I understand.
I am sorry if what I've said has come across as just instructing you to LTB and making you feel under pressure.
When it happened to me I had no money (was all taken off me), couldn't drive, only had an abusive family who I'm not in contact with, had a dog and worked with the bastard as well. The fact that my family and the 'd'p in question clearly had no consideration for my wellbeing made me assume that no one else would either, but I was wrong.
What I meant was that people know about options that you might know about. Sometimes other people see ways around obstacles that we can't see ourselves.
I hope it goes really well tomorrow at the hospital. I am lucky enough to have never broken any bones (touch wood grin) and can't imagine what a nightmare it must be to just do the basics of everyday life with such an impediment.

MichaelSheensNextDW Sun 15-Jan-17 19:23:28

*not know about

MichaelSheensNextDW Sun 15-Jan-17 19:27:48

here is a link which gives a lot more information about services available, for you to browse if you feel up to it.
www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/

alltoomuchrightnow Sun 15-Jan-17 20:23:09

thankyou. I did actually have a quick look a few nights ago as friend had directed me to it too but I appreciate you linking it and will re read.
Will keep updated.
I may have posted similar before but that was some years back re my ex.
never in a million years did i think that it would happen again.
To say it's out of character for him is an understatement.

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