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Need a hand hold for 5 days, driving myself insane.

(20 Posts)
useristired Sun 16-Oct-16 16:40:39

Briefly as I can, I have had chest pain/discomfort in sternum for approx 3 months.
Went to dr and was diagnosed with a condition called costochondritis which seemed to fit my symptoms except I had a lump above my breast visible to the eye but sometimes more prominent than others and tender to touch.
Returned to dr about 4 weeks ago and was referred for ultrasound scan. That was inconclusive and I was referred back to dr who referred me for a CT scan.

Had my appointment on Friday with a cancer specialist, he wasn't expecting to give me a ct scan but arranged a biopsy immediately and bloods. I was so distressed that he thankfully managed to get me a cancellation appointment for the ct scan and so it was all done at once.
He made me an appointment on the spot for results next Friday and I just can't cope. I've googled so much.

I'm so scared. I regret every alcoholic drink and cigarette I ever touched and my blase attitude to my health.

I don't want to die , I am just devastated.
I have no one close enough in real life I can really be honest with.
I have told a few friends but all they say is 'it will be fine' which I find irritating.

When I went to the dr Friday I expected it to be fine and him to say oh it's nothing but clearly it is.

I'm sorry this is garbled, I'm in pieces

Northernlurker Sun 16-Oct-16 16:53:19

Are you thinking it's something because he did the tests? Because that isn't how it works. They do the tests to check it out, not because they know it's bad iyswim. If you were anxious that's also a reason to do the tests.
Cancer specialists see a lot of patients with cancer. They also see a lot of 'it could be but probably isn't but let's check it out just in case'

useristired Sun 16-Oct-16 17:02:40

Yes, I guess I am. He said let's find out what that is as it is quite prominent.
He refused to be drawn into speculation which I know is best but just fuelled my fears.
I can find very little via google that it would be anything other than cancer. I am just in a terrible mental place and I think I was just so sure that he would say it was nothing and send me on my way that I am still shocked by the sudden launch into tests and bloods etc.

Northernlurker Sun 16-Oct-16 17:21:05

Obviously it's a shock but quick is good when it comes to tests. Getting on with it is better than waiting. A tender lump could be some sort of abscess too.

useristired Sun 16-Oct-16 19:35:59

Yes, thank you. I am not complaining, just scared.
It's a hard lump, I thought abscess's are soft?
I'm just desperate for it all to be a huge mistake..

Northernlurker Sun 16-Oct-16 19:59:07

I had a breast abcess once, knew that's what it was as it came up overnight, was hot, hard, and hurt like hell if you poked it. If you've had an infection and tissue has sort of clogged together it can make a hard lump.

useristired Sun 16-Oct-16 20:00:51

Mine is hard, quite big and sore but not hot..

Northernlurker Sun 16-Oct-16 20:02:36

You've had ours a while though, so the infection may have cleared itself leaving a sort of scar.

itsmine Sun 16-Oct-16 21:08:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite Mon 17-Oct-16 09:02:56

Waiting is the worst part.
Don't google anymore. Try as best you can to distract yourself, I know it's not easy but I'm sure it helps.
Binge watch a box set. Get out the house.
Keep talking on here.flowers

useristired Mon 17-Oct-16 11:42:54

Thank you. I am working as normal and have 3dc to keep me busy but overwhelming feelings keep sweeping over me.
I know you have to wait but it's torture!

Maidofdishonour Mon 17-Oct-16 22:45:26

Not sure if it's the same but I had costochondritis and also had a lump. Mine was below my breast, next to the sternum. I didn't even notice it but it was found when I was being examined by a rheumatologist. He injected it with a steroid and it went after a few days.

useristired Mon 17-Oct-16 22:56:45

Oh that's interesting as I was told costo does not involve lumps.
Mine is above the breast slightly and actually must go down further than I can feel as the biopsy taken is from the inside of the breast.
I was so sure it was costo and deflated to hear not so thank you for your comments.

Northernlurker Fri 21-Oct-16 12:59:10

hope you're doing ok

useristired Fri 21-Oct-16 13:26:47

Hi thanks for thinking of me.
Not good, breast cancer that has spread to sternum and lymph nodes.
I am equally in shock as I am devastated.

NavyandWhite Fri 21-Oct-16 13:27:47

Oh love I'm so sorry. Have you got someone with you?

gobbin Fri 21-Oct-16 13:44:02

So sorry to hear this user

Northernlurker Fri 21-Oct-16 15:05:06

I'm really sorry to read this news. Must be a huge shock. What support have you got with you?

useristired Fri 21-Oct-16 15:17:26

No support. Just waiting now for next stage and wondering if I should start writing letters to my children, so much about them that only I know. Seems a shame they may never know it all

Northernlurker Fri 21-Oct-16 15:39:11

How old are the kids? If it helps to write to them then do so but only if it's going to contribute to your peace of mind. It may be years and years before they read them if ever. Have you got any timescales for talking about treatment options?
Regarding support - I'm presuming you don't have a partner but siblings? Friends? Even if you haven't seem them for a while now is the time to send out a sos.

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