Hi, I've name changed for this as I'm normally more resilient but lately I've started to crumble. This is long and probably boring, sorry.
Life is hard. We struggle financially at the moment. I took extended maternity leave but then my husband was promised a pay rise so we thought we would be ok. The payrise never materialised, it's always 'coming'. It's been quite long and stressful time financialy but i'm going back to work next week and it should help a bit.
My DH works away, he's home at the weekends at the moment, but for parts of the year he can be gone for a month or 2 at a time.
We have 3 DC -6,2 and 10 months. My mum lives locally and helps me with things like cooking and laundry which is amazing but feels too old to help with the kids. They are pretty full on so I don't blame her.
I have all the kids all the time now, until I start work. I am exhausted and overwhelmed. I desperately need even just half an hour without them.
When DH comes home at the weekend he can't do anything with them alone. If I ask, he creates a fuss, shouting and talking crap so we end up miserably going along together.
If I ask him to do anything, he won't, but he'll talk and talk about how he does everything. In all fairness he is happy to cook and clean but again has never taken the kids to the park alone. In fact he hides behind cooking, cleaning and doing jobs.
I am terrified how I am going to cope back at work.
Now to what's put me over the edge - I had some horrible symptoms and had to see my gynaecologist today. They found lumps in the ultrasound. Probably fibroid. I will have a surgery scheduled. I am exhausted already and now I have to deal with this and go back to work at the same time. All while keeping up the kids stuff that already has me wiped out.
I told DH on the phone, but hes let me down badly during previous health scares (wouldn't come with me to a biopsy, wouldn't even get me a drink after surgery due to miscarriage, has watched me faint and refused to help me up). He's currently saying all the right things, but I know when it comes down to it he will be shit so I'd prefer him not to be there and just deal with it somehow. At least there won't be any drama.
I am so low. I can't tell if it's depression or life is just a bit hard right now. I just want to lay down and be quiet.
Thanks for reading this and sorry if it's too self indulgent. I will accept being told to pick myself up and carry on.
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General health
Can't tell if I'm depressed or if life is just hard
19 replies
Lowerthanithought · 25/08/2016 18:22
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