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I am a complete wreck

(13 Posts)
MountainDweller Wed 20-Jul-16 06:44:31

I'm posting for support I guess. I have so many things wrong with me. Yesterday I saw a new doctor and I was trying to explain and just couldn't stop crying. I just don't know how to cope any more or what I should do to try to improve things.

I have endometriosis - reasonably well controlled with long term gnrh drugs but there is scar tissue that could't be removed and nerve damage due to late diagnosis. I could have a hysterectomy but not guaranteed I would be pain free.

I have a bulging disc in my back and some compressed vertebrae. Plus probably some sacroiliac joint problems.

A year ago I fell and tore a lot of tendons in my right hip and leg. Still no where near recovered. Have good physio but he's away at the moment and I am feeling it. This injury impacts on back as well. MRI today to check status.

Severe post-traumatic arthritis in left ankle (so both legs are compromised). Walking is painful. Could have total ankle replacement or fusion but have had 3 surgeries on it (2 in last 4 years) and not ready physically or emotionally. Maybe I should see a rheumatologist?

Also have high blood pressure, depression and anxiety. Can't find an anti-depressant that works because I can't take anything that acts on serotonin. Have sleep meds but still can't sleep.

I have hay fever and possibly other allergies, had an appt with allergist who says my only allergy is grass pollen and it should be better by now (it's not). Also doesn't explain why I have symptoms all year.

This year I've also had eye problems which they think may be related to allergies. Eyes red and blistered inside. The only thing that works is course of antibiotic drops followed by immuno-suppressant drops. These are a nightmare because they burn when I put them in and have to put ice on my eyes after - takes an hour 3 times a day to go through this palaver.

I have had tinnitus for 20+ years, was better when I was on Prozac but had to stop and now it is really bad. New noises have arrives in recent weeks. That's keeping me awake too.

I know I need to lose weight or even try a anti-inflammatory diet but the idea of not being allowed to eat what I want when I am so low and unwell feels like the last straw.

As you can imagine I'm on a shitload of meds.

I was referred to an ENT dr (appt yesterday) to see if any connection between eyes and any potential prob with nose. Apparently not. But he was going on about being on so many meds, and side effects, and whether actually some of it could be sleep related, and I should do a sleep test, but my insurance won't pay for it (not in uk). He thinks the allergy stuff could be a result of all the meds.

I am becoming aware that there are a lot of different opinions from my doctors.

I'm just at my wits end. I don't know what to try to a tackle first. I think I need to have a medication review or maybe see a pain specialist as my GP (who incidentally I was originally referred to because he was knowledgable about pain) just says I have to put up with side effects or put up with pain.

Thanks to anyone who got to the end. I'm probably beyond help here but hand holding would be nice.

Zephyroux1 Wed 20-Jul-16 06:56:16

You poor thing, that sounds awful, lots of hand holding here and hopes for a very knowledgable bod to be along promptly for good advice

Slingcrump Wed 20-Jul-16 06:58:11

Good morning MountainDweller

Sorry you are going through such tough times flowers

Hope the MRI went as well as possible

It sounds like seeing a pain specialist might be a good idea

It's awful when you different doctors are telling you different things and it must be very stressful to be in constant pain.

No medical expert here but would it be poss to just focus on depression/anxiety/high blood pressure? Could you afford to see a psychiatrist privately? The reason I ask is that perhaps you might find it easier to plough ahead and tackle the other health issues once you feel stronger in yourself?

Or perhaps go to another gp and start again entirely (if the new gp wasn't helpful).

And - I don't know - perhaps do one small thing a day that will help you feel more in control of your own health ie go for short swim, or eat just salad at lunch time or something?

Sorry not to suggest anything more constructive but just wanted to offer a bit of solidarity! Of late I've had multiple health issues and it can feel like one is going around in circles and be terribly demoralising!

Slingcrump Wed 20-Jul-16 06:59:46

Sorry - meant tackle depression and anxiety first - before focusing on other stuff

MountainDweller Wed 20-Jul-16 23:51:03

Thank you both for your replies.

Sliingcrump sorry you've had multiple issues too and I hope you're getting at least some of them sorted.

I agree with you about sorting the depression and anxiety first - I really think that would help. I'm not in the UK so no problem accessing psychiatrist - I am under one for meds and seeing a counsellor too. I was stable on Prozac for a long time but had to stop it because I started shaking, and even in consultation with a psycho-pharmacologist the psychiatrist has only identified one med I can take (bearing in mind all the other medication I take) that is ok for me. I've been on it since Jan but I don't think it does much apart from help with sleep a bit. I'm on anxiety meds too but try not to take all the time as they are so addictive. Both psychiatrist and counsellor think the MH problems are because I have so many other health issues and am in so much pain so it's a bit of a vicious circle.

The doc I saw yesterday was an ENT guy, was referred to him to see if there was a connection between eye problems and anything in his area. He pretty much ruled that out, then we started talking about tinnitus, and he said stress made it worse, and then we talked about all the meds, and yes apparently they make it worse too... Then he asked how my sleep was... Well it's terrible, pain and tinnitus keep me awake, aargh! He was trying to help but I just got overwhelmed!

I like your idea of trying small healthy things... Am going to do that and make notes as I go. I do try to add healthy things to my diet rather than always thinking about what I can't have because it's unhealthy.

MRI was OK apart from being in a lot of pain afterwards because of the way they made me lie! Saw my dr straight after for results - tendons have healed but I now have bursitis. Wishing I had demanded a follow up MRI sooner now! Am going for guided cortisone injections in hip and just below bum next week. Can't imagine how much that is going to hurt! The original accident was over a year ago so we're skipping the conservative treatment!

Glad I am making progress in at least one area. Overall I'm felling a bit better about everything, so thanks for letting me vent.

chemistc Thu 21-Jul-16 00:03:34

Hey MountainDweller, seems like you are having a really really hard time. If I was you I would self refer into your local mental health unit and just take some time out. I have self referred myself twice and the rest did me the world of good, I was suicidal and at my lowest.

You can switch off from the world, no electrical devices are allowed, you get your meals cooked for you, no housework, you get to speak to professionals, engage in activities if you want or not. Just sit, read a book, do a puzzle and recover. They will also put in place a homecare plan for when you come out this will be help from your community mental health team and possibly even a community nurse to help with your other medical problems.

I know it sounds like drastic action and there maybe a stigma attached to it but sometimes we have to take drastic action to get the help we need.. If we just keep painting the smile on our faces and pretending everything is ok we just get kicked to the sidelines and ignored.

MountainDweller Thu 21-Jul-16 00:22:10

Thanks chemistc - oh my god that sounds just what I need. Glad you found it helpful. I'm not in the UK though. I probably could get admitted via my psychiatrist but I'm worried because my insurance has a lifetime limit of ?45 days on inpatient MH care and I feel like I should wait till I'm on my knees...

I know if I could get some mental strength I might be able to tackle some of the bigger issues like having the ankle op and maybe a hysterectomy. It's crazy because these are the really big issues but they've been pushed aside because I'm trying to manage small but irritating stuff like eye problems and tinnitus.

Actually I would like to be admitted for a long time and have all my meds sorted at the same time as my MH so I have enough pain relief and no side effects and I can sleep again... Think that is a bit of a pipe dream but it really shouldn't be!

chemistc Thu 21-Jul-16 00:32:29

Honestly, get yourself to an accident and emergency (or whatever it is called where you are) tell them you are in danger of killing yourself -extreme I know.. but you will be checked out by a Dr and a psychiatrist. Are there no benefits you can get from the country you are in for incapacity or something similar? I refuse to believe that a country will not help someone who is not capable of looking after herself. Sorry if some readers are offended but when your back is against the wall you need to beg/cry/lie to get the help you need xx

MountainDweller Thu 21-Jul-16 01:04:52

Thanks again - I am not alone, I live with my DH and he supports me financially as I can't work at the moment. Not So much physical support as he is working in another country at the moment but we are hoping he'll have a job back here soon.

A&E would take me in for sure, not sure where I would end up as local hospital has no MH unit. I imagine the bed shortage is not as bad as the uk.

I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow.

chemistc Thu 21-Jul-16 01:13:15

Please don't feel embarrassed or stupid for asking for help, honestly everyone needs some time-out from now and then. Please make sure you take care of your mental health first.

When I was ill I was convinced I had cervical and liver cancer, I took a knife and destroyed my feminine area and now can't have children. All I ask is that you ask for help first before you self diagnose xx

MountainDweller Fri 22-Jul-16 00:15:59

Sorry to hear that flowers

Unfortunately I've been officially diagnosed with everything sad

Slingcrump Sat 23-Jul-16 11:49:27

Sorry you went through that Chemistc flowers

MountainDweller It makes perfect sense that you feel anxious and depressed as a result of poor health. It all goes around in a vicious circle and unfortunately, modern medicine seems very much set up to treat people in specific categories ie arthritis, gynaecological issues, ENT etc etc and doesn't address the whole, or the adverse effects of mh issues on the whole.

Totally understand also how anxiety and stress can make physical symptoms much worse and in very concrete ways btw!!

I went around and around in circles for years until (strangely enough) it was my physio who pointed out a couple of things that set me on the right path (or rather the right sequence) of things to tackle and in what order. (Just starting to do this!) One would have thought it would be some senior consultant who would have done this, but I had already visited them many times and although they were helpful, it was the physio who gave me the knowledge to know which bits to tackle when ifyswim!

So don't give up, even though it must seem so overwhelming. Even in a private system, you have to fight to get the right support sometimes. In fact, it can be even harder in a private system in some ways because one is negotiating the system more autonomously and there are more choices!

(Very difficult - sometimes almost impossible - when you are feeling so depleted but if you possibly can be dogged about working through all the appts, it helps (need to follow my own advice here smile!) and even if a partic consultation is a bit of a wash-out you might come back with a tiny bit of info that helps to add to the whole picture if that makes sense. So it is great that you managed to get through the MRI even though it was an uncomfortable experience.)

I'm so sorry to hear that there is only one SSRI that you can take, which must make the whole thing much more difficult flowers

I hope the counselling is proving a support anyway and that you 'click' with the counsellor concerned. I gather that the best outcomes really depend on the strength of relationship you have with the therapist rather than the particular "brand" of therapy.

Totally understand how anxiety and stress can make physical symptoms much worse and in very concrete ways btw!!

Btw, I live abroad and my dh often travels, and for various tax reasons I can only work 18 hrs a week max, so although one's life sounds lovely and easy to others, I know the stresses that come with that. For a long while (until I felt more at home and 'embedded' here, I felt resentful that I had moved my entire life to live abroad to support my dh's career (while virtually destroying my own) and yet he was never at home!

Don't stop venting here when you feel the need flowers

Slingcrump Sat 23-Jul-16 11:51:03

Sorry, repeating myself in that post there! [Must take more water with it wink ]

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