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The misery of stalking

(13 Posts)
helmetsgirl Wed 13-Jul-16 16:30:57

Two years ago, this guy facebooked me. He said we knew each other from schools days. I didn't recognize his name but we had friends in common and at the end of 2 weeks I was actually convinced we knew each other. He was from my home town in Ireland. I had lived in the UK since I was a teenager but was looking to move back home. He was well known in my hometown (more of that later) and offered to help me settle. Twelve months later, I moved back home with my child and was excited to be here. Since moving back, life has been a nightmare. I told him from day one I wasn't interested in having a relationship with him. He was so helpful and generous to me as a friend but physically I found him repulsive. This might sound harsh but I'm being truthful. Within weeks of returning, people told me that he was telling the town I was his girlfriend. When confronted, he denied it. I went to pay the registration fee at my child's new school to be told it had bn paid. The same happened with my sons football fees. My brothers friends came to town on a golfing weekend. He turned up at the hotel n caused such a scene when he thought my bro's friend was interested in me, that management removed him. I texted him and said I want nothing to do with you anymore. He didn't reply. A week later he turned up at my new home at 1.30am drunk. I wouldn't let him in. He asked why I had told * I wasn't his girlfriend. I said because I'm not!! He said I know but you didn't have to tell him that. Two weeks later I went to pay for my sons birthday bike to be told it had been paid for. I said nothing, I left the store and put the money in an envelope thru his door. Half an hour later, he was at my door. I wouldn't open it. He put the money behind a drainpipe by my house. I messaged him warning him if he ever contacted me again I would go to the police. There was silence for 7 weeks apart from him setting up fake facebook profiles in my name and fake soldier profiles and trying to add me (I'm ex army) December, he started driving past my house at night and entering my garden until I padlocked my side gate. Dec 22nd, he left £700 of gifts outside my door. I gave the gifts away and contacted the police to be told he had broken no law. January, he started stopping my child on his way home from school offering him money. He started texting my child. I don't know how he got his number. End of Jan he turned up at my sons football practice, he left flowers at my door and money and started texting me on my new changed number. Feb and March, no matter where I went in town he was there. There was silence in April. In May he started knocking on my door again and driving past my home. Last month he sent a parcel to my home with gifts and clothes. He knocked on my door. he texted me over and over again. I kept this to myself for a year other than my police contact but have now told the full story to a few old childhood friends in town in the last week because my life is now a misery. I've barely mentioned half the things that he has done. I haven't opened the curtains in my home for months. I have my food delivered. I walk my dog at 5.30 am when I think it's safe. I don't open my windows even during the day because I'm afraid. I sent my child back to the UK because I feel he's safer there. I haven't gone out for an evening since Oct 2015. This happy, outgoing, fun loving girl has disappeared and I've turned into a horrible, angry, bitter person. The most frightening thing is, I don't know if he is pursuing me or my child.

PurpleWithRed Wed 13-Jul-16 16:39:14

Surely stalking is a crime in the UK - where exactly are you? maybe also crime uk look here

Mrsraypurchase Wed 13-Jul-16 16:41:13

What do the police say?

helmetsgirl Wed 13-Jul-16 18:32:23

He has broken NO law according to irish police. He's noted on record for 'unwanted intrusion' in my life but apparently that's not a crime. I hold a british and irish passport and my 12 yr old holds a British passport. I don't lie when I say I want to kill him

Cocolepew Wed 13-Jul-16 18:36:47

Did you report him stopping etc your son?
Surely the police should have stepped in there?
I would seek legal advice.

Penfold007 Wed 13-Jul-16 19:03:15

In Ireland stalking is covered by the Non-Fatal Offences against the Person Act 1997
Go back to Garda and demand they take action

geekaMaxima Wed 13-Jul-16 19:18:25

As penfold said, stalking is considered a form of harassment and is illegal in Ireland.

Go back to the Gardaí, detail everything he's done, and bring along any evidence you have (text messages, notes, etc.). You can also ask Citizens Information or FLAC (free legal advice centre) for advice on how to go about seeking a restraining or harassment order.

It sounds awful, OP flowers

helmetsgirl Wed 13-Jul-16 20:53:49

Thanks you people. I have just spoken to a Ban Garda. I'm going to see her tomorrow. My dream of moving back to Ireland has been destroyed. Someone just told me that he was a teacher until 2007 and was removed from his post because he tried to groom a 15 year old girl with special needs into having a relationship with him. He's 49 years old. The parents 'didn't want to make a fuss'. So typical Ireland.

DiggersRest Wed 13-Jul-16 21:05:18

Helmets this is shocking to read flowers

When l was much younger l was briefly stalked by a guy who l worked with. Eventually l told my dad who sorted it out (l adore my df!) but it really knocked my confidence and made me anxious. Your mentioning the curtains really bought it back as l was insistent that all curtains were closed before it got dark as l felt he was out there all the time.

I hope the Garda take this serious and give you the help you need to get rid of this horrible man flowers

omri Wed 13-Jul-16 21:17:09

Op you poor thing. He has forced you into a miserable existence. I hope the ban Garda can give you more hope. But if it's a small town will you keep seeing him either way? What is keeping you there? And now separated from your son sad


helmetsgirl Wed 13-Jul-16 23:00:38

My husband (separated) is flying my son back on the 21st July. I'm glad fellow Mumsnetter understood about the curtains. It sounds trivial but those curtains rule my days now. I can't explain to any of you how desperate I feel. I don't feel suicidal and never have done but I just feel wasted. That's not even the correct explanation. I can't explain it. He patted my dog once on the street and it made me feel sick. I know that sounds stupid. I can deal with the driving past my house. My dog would alert me if there was any attempt to break in. it's his attempt at taking over my life. Last summer when I would eat out and go to pay my bill, I was told it was paid. Last Sept he phoned the school to ask how my son was settling in declaring himself as his step dad. I went to pay my refuse collection to be told my 'husband' had paid the bill. I told my child to Scotland last November to see his dad and came back to my front lawn mowed. He booked a bowling alley in jan for my child. They phoned me to ask how many children were attending. He booked Go-Carting Jan 24th for my child and texted me to tell me. I screamed down the phone at him and told him to stay away from my son only for him to turn up at his football session to 'get him to change his mind'. I'm not a nasty person but I wish he would die tomorrow.

CattDamon Wed 13-Jul-16 23:11:26

I'm currently going through similar OP, and I just wanted to say I totally agree with how it just wastes your life in the sense that everything is tinged with knowing he could pop up anywhere.

flowerswine it's draining.

Please go back & see about a restraining order. I managed to get a non-molestation order but he broke that.

I feel for you because it's terrifying & pretty much a joke at the same time!

KateLivesInEngland Wed 13-Jul-16 23:21:59

You need to write down everything. Even the tiny things. Keep it in a journal with dates and note down witnesses or any other evidence you might have.
You need to go back to the police and make sure they take you seriously flowers

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