help please - fluid in the abdomen - what could it be??

[geekgrrl]

my mum rang me earlier on in floods of tears (v. unlike her) telling me that she'd just been to see the GP about reccurent stomach pains and that they'd found her abdomen full of fluid.
She's being admitted to hospital tonight.

She didn't really tell me any more as she just broke down crying and had to get off the phone and to hospital, she said that hopefully they'd have a better idea tomorrow.

I'm really scared and worried and upset. My mum is 55, v. slim, and, it seems, never ill.

What could this be? I'm driving myself crazy here and of course my brother and I both couldn't stop ourselves from googling, and the main thing it keeps coming back with is abdominal cancers.

[geekgrrl]

'recurrent' even

[geekgrrl]

thank you Califrau. xx

[figroll]

Geekgirl - I know it is so tempting, but don't do internet searches, they come up with all sorts of terrible things. I have laryngitis at the moment and if you search for that on google, about the 4th entry is about laryngeal cancer. I more than probably have a cold.

I hope that all goes well for you and your mum, but wait to hear from the experts about what is going on. They can tell you about her, not give a picture about probabilities.

Take care and don't get too upset yet. It could be awful - it could be nothing and just think of all that time you will have wasted worrying.

[geekgrrl]

thanks for asking, they did xrays & ultrasound this morning and didn't see anything very unusual. They spotted some minor abnormalities on the bowel though so are doing a colonoscopy tomorrow.
They were going to get a sample of the fluid but the consultant was called away so the procedure had to be cancelled. Hopefully it'll happen tomorrow...

My parents are bearing up but sound very anxious and desperate to find out what's causing this. My mum said that the fluid has got as far as inside one of her lungs. She's very petite and skinny anyway, and now apparently full of several litres of this stuff, whatever it is.

I spoke to her this afternoon and she sounded so drained. It was only on Monday when she regaled me with stories of a school inspection she'd done that day, and she was full of beans then. And now this. And they're in Germany and I'm here... and she's my mum and not allowed to be ill FFS!!

[Miaou]

So sorry to hear this geekgrrl - hope she is ok and you get better news tomorrow. I will be thinking of you xxxx

[geekgrrl]

oh feck. it's ovarian cancer.
they're taking the tumour out on Monday or Tuesday and will be able to see what grade it is then.


Need to ring her now and try to cheer her up.
How the feck do you cheer someone up who's just been told they have cancer?

[Blandmum]

Sweetheart, have a hug.

You can't cheer them up, just follow their lead. If she wants to talk about it, let her. If she wants distracting, distract her.

Don't worry about what to say, there is nothing that you can say. Just showing that you care is enough. Cry when she cries and laugh when she laughs. Offer practical help (this is invaluable)

With dh no-one knows what to say, but they tend to say the right thing any way. The only peole who are a PITA are the ones who semi expect you to cheer them up....thank god this time there have been none like that.

Mumsnetters are magnificent in this situation....take it from someone who has been on the recieving end a lot lately

[snorkle]

Message withdrawn

[beckybrastraps]

So very sorry to read this. When my mum told me she had breast cancer I just wept down the phone to her. Possibly not the most supportive response but I couldn't do anything else.

My mum found it very hard to drop the protective mother bit, so I had to go along with that. I mostly served as a distraction for her I think. She did not want to express her worst fears to me. Her poor dp and her friends were her outlet for that. Her children kept normality going as much as we could. We just did more normal things, IYSWIM.

As MB said, takes your cues from her. And my very best wishes to you all. I hope it will be as successfully treated as my mum's cancer.

[suedonim]

I'm so sorry to hear this, GGrrl. Will be thinking of you and your mum.

[geekgrrl]

thank you all xx

really appreciate the sympathy and help in dealing with this

She was ok on the phone, trying to be upbeat I guess.
From what I've pieced together, her prognosis is poor but should know more next week once they've looked at the inside.

I tried to talk to my SIL (dh's db's dw) last night about this - she's a radiographer in an oncology hospital. We're not close but anyway, I thought it would be good to talk to someone who actually knows something about this. Anyway, she refused to talk to me - got her dh to ring me and tell me she didn't want to talk about it to me and that I should talk to a doctor.

Finding it really hard. A postcard from my PIL arrived this morning - they're forever buggering off on holiday and refuse outright to help out with the children, whilst my parents would do anything for our kids. I couldn't read the bloody card and had a big cry instead.

We were planning on converting part of our house into a granny flat for my parents for when they retire in a couple of years - the architect came last week. Guess I can cancel that all.

I try to pull myself together but am failing miserably.

[belgianmama]

Thinking of you Geekgrrl. When I first saw your post I immediately thought ovarian cancer, as I've seen numerous women with fluid like you described on the gynae ward when I was placed there. I didn't want to say, as I didn't want to worry you. They'll check your mum over from top to bottom and check to see if the cancer hasn't spread.
It's good that they'll take such quick action though and hopefully with the right treatment your mum will get better soon.
Can't imagine what you're going through at the moment. But we all here at MN are thinking of you. All the best {{{}}}}

[anniebear]

so sorry to read this

[geekgrrl]

belgianmama, what is the outlook like for this? From what I've read, only 30% of women diagnosed with it are still alive 5 years later.
If it's terminal - how long do people usually live for after diagnosis? Is it weeks? Or months?
I know it's impossible to make any predictions at this stage. It just don't know anything about this disease, all I can find are statistics and symptoms... nothing about what it's actually like.

[Blandmum]

OK, from what has been happening to dh I think that I can give you a bit of advice.

Don't look for statistics. In the end they don't 'mean' anything for an individual patient, your MIL could be the 'one' out of the 100 who lives, or indeed the 'one' out of the 100 who dies.

Her long term survival will depend on all sorts of things, and you can't get that info from the 'net. All you will do is upset yourself before the fact.

She needs to know what the staging is. If she has fliud it isn't the best of indicators (dh has this too), but they will still be looking at offereing treatment, if not to cure, then to prolong life and improve the quality of life.

2 months ago dh was dying in front of my eyes, he'd lost 6 stone in about 3-4 weeks, his tummy was distended with 9L of fluid.

Now thanks to good pain relief and chemo, we are planning a holoday in half term, and hoping to take the kids again at easter.

Don't rush into this sweetie, you will deal with whatever happens....you don't have a choice. But your MIL may still have months or years of good life to cope.

Please don't google, you will only upset yourself needlessly. And know one thing, pain and symptoms are controlable, dh is living, thriving proof of this, even though we still know what the final outcome will be, we now have a life to live.

[geekgrrl]

thank you mb, it is good to hear that palliative treatment is so effective now. Also glad to hear your dh is doing so well.

I'm driving myself crazy here and it seems so pointless - we won't know the staging until next week, but as you said the fluid is a bad sign.

I'm also really worried about the weight loss with chemo because my mum is underweight already.

It's just so shit. I want to turn the clock back to Monday. Everything was still fine on Monday.

[belgianmama]

I'm sorry geekgrrl. I wish I could give you the answers you wish for. I was only placed there for 4 weeks and so I dont know all that much about it. I can only confirm that the nursing staff told me that the prognosis is not good, I really wish I could tell you otherwise.
The problem with ovarian cancer is that it is internal and so most patients dont pick up any symptoms until it is fairly late. One of the women there looked 9m pregnant that's how much fluid she had. She just kept postponing and postponing seeing the doctor until it got to that stage. The good news for your mum is that she did go to the GP's as soon as she noticed something is not right. As with all cancers the earlier the intervention the better. Thinking of you. Hope the op next week will give you a better picture.

[Blandmum]

Right, I can put yur mind at rest re the chemo.

Not all chemos make you sick, those that do can now be controlled by some fantastic meds.

Dh lost 6 stone, following treatment he has now put 1.5 stone back on!

Before xmas, dh was in bed all day, writhing in pain and vomiting almost constantly.

Following treatment, up, happy, tired sometimes, putting on weight, well enough to be back in work somedays, planning holidays, and taking the controls of a spitfire.

Honestly, they control symptoms now, don't be scared of that....I was and there was no need.

If the news is bad, the Macmillan nurses will kick in, and they are bloody magic!

[geekgrrl]

mb, thanks so much for the reassurance. I was wondering whether you know of any good books to explain cancer to young children?
Dd1 is a v. bright 7 year old and has picked far too much up about this over the past few days without actually being able to make sense of it really. She is confused and frightened now.
I have tried to explain but struggle myself.

[Blandmum]

We don't have any books but there are lots. The advice that we have been given by the councellor (who specialses in kids) is that you answer the questions they ask you in as simple a way as possible, and not to tell them until they ask fr the info. They will ask when they are emotionally ready to cope with the answer....in essence they ask for confirmation of what they think they know.

There is no point in telling them details that they are no ready to cope with. When they ask you 'the' question, you must be honest with them, since their coping with the situtaion depends on having to trust you 100%, if you fib, or water things down, they will not be able to trust you later on.

I sympathise, this is the hardest bit to deal with. My two are 10 and 6 and dh is only 44