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EMERGENCY - Toilet problem, help needed

(217 Posts)
driveninsanebythehubby Mon 30-May-16 21:25:06


So embarrassed to be posting this - but as stuck on the loo in agony I'm desperate.

I have a stool that I can only presume is the size of a marrow attempting to pass my body. I'm on the verge of saying it's more painful than childbirth (and I had a 4th degree tear with no pain relief at that moment so I know what pain is!). I have attempted to go several times today and it gets so far out and then gets stuck. Like I cannot push anymore because I feel like it's going to rip me apart. I get contraction type waves trying to push it out but it won't come. Because I'm straining, there's then blood too. Earlier I tried using a tissue to grab and pull it out (clearly that worked well!!!!)

I HAVE to get this out tonight as I'm at work tomorrow and I cannot phone my boss to say I'm not coming in because I have a giant shit stuck up my arse!!!

Can anyone at all give me some suggestions to help clear this beast?

PS it's caused by medications that I'm on, a crap diet and probably not enough fluids when exercising this weekend. My routine has never been regular as such (once a week would be 'normal' but I'm sure I only went a few days ago!)

Thank you (and please don't laugh)

threeelephants Mon 30-May-16 21:27:08

Hot bath always helps me. Have you got someone with you? Could someone get you some lactulose or similar?

ApologiesToInsectLife Mon 30-May-16 21:29:00

Oh dear poor you! Can you get your feet up on a small footstool while your on the pan? It can help with the pushing. Nightmare for you.

Doinmummy Mon 30-May-16 21:29:07

You poor thing. Is there a chemist open late to get some glycerine suppositories ?

driveninsanebythehubby Mon 30-May-16 21:29:51

Wanker of a husband is here - can't imagine he'd feel remotely inclined to go out of his way to try to help me?....

winnybella Mon 30-May-16 21:30:04

Glycerin suppositories.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Mon 30-May-16 21:30:26

Pure orange juice. Then coffee.

If that doesn't work you may need some meds to soften it.

iniquity Mon 30-May-16 21:30:44

Vaseline the rim smile

Doinmummy Mon 30-May-16 21:30:46

I think it needs attacking from the bottom rather than from the top if you get my drift . If it's stuck then everything else will just build up above it.

QOD Mon 30-May-16 21:30:48


I have to use Vaseline or similar on the finger ... I really hope you're not the poo troll ... as I get similar (also due to.meds)

Twilightpirate Mon 30-May-16 21:30:55

Poor you! That sounds horrible!!

Do you have any haemorrhoid ointment lying around? If so, put a generous amount of that "up there" and around the entrance. It will numb the pain and also acts as a lubricant! Saved me after the birth of DC1 when even the thought of going to the loo was enough to make me feel faint!
Good luck!!

driveninsanebythehubby Mon 30-May-16 21:31:19

Off to find kids foot stall... Thanks!

If not, I'm guessing I'm off to the pharmacy (hope it's open)

PrincessHairyMclary Mon 30-May-16 21:31:29

Orange juice, big glass of water, put your feet on a step stool.

chocdonutyy Mon 30-May-16 21:31:39

Glycerol suppositries help in this situation, I'm presuming some sort of lube may do the same thing and also lifting your feet up on a stool/few books so you are kind of squatting should assist a little 😊

steppemum Mon 30-May-16 21:31:45

sorry to be blunt, but you need to get something up your bum to soften the pooh. the glycerine suppositories sound good

Doinmummy Mon 30-May-16 21:31:58

Try putting Vaseline up your bum

Orchidflower1 Mon 30-May-16 21:32:06

Can you rub some Vaseline or something similar around the opening? What about getting off the toilet and squatting over a bowl? - this helped dd .

chickendrizzlecake Mon 30-May-16 21:32:35

Have you got some Anusol or other haemorroid cream you can use to numb the area? If you've got blood you've probably already made a tear or small fissure in your passage and getting this motion past the tear is going to be grim sorry, but those creams really do help!

IMurderedStampyLongnose Mon 30-May-16 21:32:38

Try pushing up on your vagina and in front of your back passage to help guide it out.If you can't get out for glycerin and it's coming out a bit cut your nails short and stick one finger up and try to break it up a bit.Good luck,it can be grimsad

Cocolepew Mon 30-May-16 21:33:19

Pu up feet up on a stool or something and lean back to open your bum hole. Then push on your perninum (dp) or around that area, that sometimes pushes it out.

Doinmummy Mon 30-May-16 21:33:20

Phone OOH doc

camelfinger Mon 30-May-16 21:33:28

Poor you, it sounds very painful. Good advice above re Vaseline, raising knees and suppositories. Would it hurt too much to jog about a bit? Running always churns up poo for me.

driveninsanebythehubby Mon 30-May-16 21:33:51

Trying the Vaseline already - sitting on the loo waiting for the next wave to come and urge to push!

I almost wish I were a 'poo troll' as then this wouldn't be happening to me.

It happened once before this bad after my 3rd son. In the end it was so bad I couldn't get off the loo - found blowing my nose helped. But this feels worse.

driveninsanebythehubby Mon 30-May-16 21:35:20

Just checking - are those suppositories available over the counter?

Thanks for all the fast answers!

earlyriser Mon 30-May-16 21:37:21

Try blowing up a balloon (or just pretend if you don't have one at hand). The blowing our action is meant to help. Failing that, coffee and a cigarette shock

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