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Fiancé always ill...running out of options

(16 Posts)
ParsleyCake Mon 30-May-16 00:34:32

I'm just upset and need to say this as there's no one to talk to about this.

There's something not right with my fiancé' health and I'm so worried about him. He's always getting ill - terrible migraines, stomach bugs, bad back pain, joint pain, tonsillitis, and nausea. Not all at the same time, but he comes down with one of these things every fortnight or so, sometimes less often, and it's bad enough that he has to take time off work. He's not been able to hold down a job for very long. He's twenty five and his CV is so long it's ridiculous and employers now ask why he's had so many jobs and are less likely to hire him.

He has been to see the doctor many times and has been tested for diabetes, being celiac (?), and a few other things too I think. They've diagnosed him with depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Tonsilitis but the IBS meds didn't work, the Tonsilitis is constant, meds didn't work, and they won't remove his tonsils, and the depression hasn't been a problem for a long time now, though it rears its ugly head now and again.

I just don't know how people in his position handle life and could use some tips. How do you hold down a job when you are ill all the time? I mean he'll feel so sick, or have serious migraines, or have terrible diahorrea one day and it's gone the next - you can't really get a doctors note for that can you? Because he's off work just for one day and by time he's well enough to go to the doctors there would be no evidence he was ill? We can't work out what's triggering the nausea and stomach episodes, or the migraines...

Now that our son is one and my fiancé has lost his latest job due to absence, I have decided enough is enough and have got a full time job starting next week. My fiancé will be a stay at home dad and I hope that the freedom and lack of stress will help him to get better. I know being a full time parent is not easy - I have been doing it myself after all - but my poor fiancé has been single handedly supporting us on part time minimum wage for a year now and has been forcing himself to go to work despite how awful or sore he feels. Sadly some day he couldn't do it and that's why he's unemployed again. He's excited to be able to spend more time with our son, though he feels bad for not being able to be the one working.

I just feel like doctors are sending us round in circles and they ask him what's wrong and he's just like EVERYTHING! A while back he was going to the doctor every week or so to try and get a solution for his stomach problems and he was diagnosed with IBS but the medication didn't work. After a while it stopped flaring up so much so he stopped returning to the doctor again and again for it, as his tonsils were now a greater problem. This is what he is always at the doctors for now, but they have pretty much said there is nothing to be done about his tonsils so we are giving up on getting that sorted too.

At the moment he is waiting for a blood test result for potential thyroid problems, so maybe that will be what is wrong with him. I just feel so stressed, and worried about him. It feels like none of these doctors are actually helping him, just performing tests that prove nothing and giving medication that does nothing.

annandale Mon 30-May-16 00:55:52

It sounds stressful but I think things will initially get easier with your new plan... though I say this having a partner who stopped work and I'm not sure he will ever get back to work again, and I can't help wondering if I shoudl have pushed him more sad

It's good that they are still doing tests. Has he been tested for lupus? Anything in his family medical history that would be meaningful?

BubsAndMoo Mon 30-May-16 01:14:08

It sounds so frustrating for you both flowers

Has he tried any types of exclusion diets? For example a FODMAP diet, cut out all possible trigger foods until you feel better and then reintroduce them one at a time to identify your personal triggers. I do not have coeliac disease but doing an exclusion diet trial I found that I do react to gluten, and lactose. You could ask for a dietician referral or just see a nutritionist privately if it's not too expensive. A lot of the symptoms do sound autoimmune. Has he had any secondary referrals - seen a gastroenterologist or a rheumatologist?

Rainbowqueeen Mon 30-May-16 01:16:23

Good luck with the new plan - it sounds sensible in your circumstances.

But I hope you can also get to the bottom of what is going on health wise as it sounds utterly miserable for him. it sounds like he has a few issues.

Have they said why they wont remove his tonsils? It just sounds to me like having that done would solve one of the problems and make life easier for you all

steppemum Mon 30-May-16 01:21:44

I had chronic tonsilitis when I was a student. I was eventually on low level antibiotics all the time.

I had mine removed when I was 21. There was an immediate and striking improvement in my general health. It was as if the constant tonsilitis was a background grinding down of my health, leaving my immune system on low.

I would press to get this done.

NanaNina Tue 31-May-16 01:11:53

It sounds pretty grim but if the doctors are sending him for tests and they're coming back negative, there's not a lot they can do is there. I know it sounds awful but medically the symptoms aren't something a GP would see as serious or indicative of an underlying serious health problem.

I suffered with migraines for years and the doctors just told me to take paracetomol which did nothing at all. Then I changed GPs because I moved house and they prescribed Naratriptan for migraine and it worked like magic. Whereas before I'd have to come home at lunch time from work and go to bed till the next day, with the "Triptan" drug I was pain free in 2 hours.

Do you think some of the symptoms can be related to anxiety as they are the sorts of things that could be. Really the GP should be arranging for him to have an endoscopy for the stomach problems (they put a thin tube down your throat into your stomach with a tiny camera attached) and they can see on a screen if there is a problem. My GP sent me for one because of indigestion that didn't respond to over the counter meds and also because of my age (I'm 72) and apparently it's taken more seriously if you're over 50.

Are you not worried that your partner might be too poorly to look after your son as this has been the case with him not able to go to work? That would leave you in a mess because of your job. Anyway hope things get better for both of you.

Thecatgotmytongue Tue 31-May-16 01:27:54

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're both in this situation. My dp has similar problems, the gp and consultant have done various tests, nothing conclusive. They prescribe meds that don't help, but don't take it seriously because it's not life threatening. However, he's miserable and depressed because he feels sick and has stomach pain nearly every day.

I would also recommend an exclusion diet .. Cut out gluten and dairy for a few weeks, see if it improves. It could take a while though. Also get him some good probiotic capsules, maybe from Holland & Barrett.

VimFuego101 Tue 31-May-16 02:19:41

All good advice above re thyroid, cutting out gluten and tonsils wearing down the immune system. DH was told similar by his dentist - he hadn't been in 20 years, and his dentist told him that the reason he used to get low level sickness and colds was because his body was fighting off infection in his gums. His general health has improved amazingly since I bullied him into he started getting dental cleanings regularly and his fillings done. Does your partner go to the dentist regularly?

DooblieDooo Wed 01-Jun-16 07:31:58

I'm going to second what Vim said. As your fiance has constant tonsillitis he is swallowing all that infection into his body which is possibly the root of all the problems.

The reason I say this is because my Grandad had mouth abscesses and was very poor so couldn't afford to go to the dentist to have it sorted. He was really ill with stomach problems and the GP told him it was because he was swallowing all the infected gak into his system.

Once he had his mouth sorted he was so well.

chelle792 Wed 01-Jun-16 07:40:27

Not an armchair diagnosis but I have a milk allergy and get every single one of those symptoms when I have milk. And it takes about six weeks to get out of my system. Although after they took my tonsils out it's now laryngitis rather than tonsillitis that I get.

It's quite plausible there could be a dietry cause.

FoggyMorn Wed 01-Jun-16 08:27:23

Coeliac test was negative, but with that list of symptoms I'd say it's well worth your DH doing an exclusion diet for a month or two. The celiac test has a fairly high false negative rate, and Ceoliac isn't the only issue caused by gluten/grains.
He should expect to feel unwell for several days at the start of the exclusion diet, followed by a potentially miraculous disappearance of his various ills, IF his issues are caused by food he's eating (I have experience of this myself).

If he's interested, I'd recommend googling whole30, or paleo exclusion diet, read Marksdailyapple blog and for info on exclusion diets, autoimmune protocol diets and how to do them. It requires a bit of effort, you need to be really strict with it to properly identify what (if any) foods are causing the problem. The most likely ones are gluten containing grains (some or all of them), Maize(corn), Rice, milk (or all dairy, but often people can eat some types of dairy ie butter, hard cheese). High histamine foods and nightshade plants are a problem for many people too, but that's (usually) more of a portion size thing rather than a "never eat this again" thing.

Worth a try maybe?? smile

lunagrace Wed 01-Jun-16 08:30:13

I was like this for years and it turned out I had M.E with can be mistaken for depression, along with all this other poorlyness is he always tired ? X

FoggyMorn Wed 01-Jun-16 10:28:37

Lunagrace, I read the above article a few weeks ago, and found it very interesting. I don't, and never have had a diagnosis of ME or CFS or Fibro, almost certainly because in my early 20s, the Drs I was involved with decided it was all in my head and every single time I went with the continuing list of problems, they were dismissive and patronising. My issues started in ernest after I was acutely unwell with Glandular Fever at age 21.

It took me 15 years (of increasing ill health), to stumble across paleo/primal eating and lifestyle by accident. I am now well, not ill, not in pain everyday, not horribly fatigued everyday... As long as I keep to the diet.

These days, l tends to "see" autoimmune disease everywhere! I might be a little crazy but I think our modern processed diets are killing us all - and unfortunately it's easier to dismiss someone's symptoms as being stress, depression, attention seeking when the usual tests don't give an easy answer!!!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 01-Jun-16 10:31:30

My DH and his DSis get those symptoms from eating wheat.

My aunt and my own DSis get them from milk.

It is really common. The GP could probably refer him to a nutritionist.

meringue33 Wed 01-Jun-16 11:07:43

Poor bloke. There is a really good book called Breaking the Bonds of IBS, I found it life changing x

lunagrace Wed 01-Jun-16 12:22:37

Thanks for the article foggymorn smile

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