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Psychological impact of losing job due to illness... please talk me through this.

(9 Posts)
Cagliostro Tue 03-May-16 01:41:28

Not expecting any replies at this silly hour, but thought I should get this out there now as I'm going to need hand-holding tomorrow (today) for sure.

In about 10 hours I'll be losing my job. It's been a long time coming, I've not worked a single shift in nearly 6 months. I've accepted it, and actually I do believe it's for the best. The job I have is quite physically demanding and I'm just not well enough to do that anymore. We've given redeployment a chance, but there's nothing available. I'm not disputing their decision at all. I'd even got to the point where I just wanted to get this over with and move on, because the waiting and uncertainty was driving me crazy.

So it's been a bit of a shock to me that I can't stop crying now. I keep thinking about the meeting, being given my notice, and I feel panicky and sad and angry at my stupid body not being capable of doing the job I love.

It's not about money worries. I've got the chance of self employment in a field I love, which will make decent money for much less physical effort, and we won't have the stress and cost of childcare anymore. It's not about the social side of work either, as over the last year other circumstances have allowed me to make a lot of really lovely, supportive friends, I'm no longer isolated and I know those colleagues I am really close to at work will stick by me.

I'm just devastated. I feel like a big part of my life is being ripped away, and even though I've had months to get used to it, it's hit me suddenly tonight and instead of being calm and stoic about it like I have been, I just feel like a wreck and I've found myself wondering how I'm going to get through today, or indeed the next few months or years.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. Just need a metaphorical hug I guess. sad

ilovesooty Tue 03-May-16 01:56:00

So sorry. The job that you love is hard to let go of... It's like a bereavement and it's profound grief and maybe a loss of identity too. Allow yourself to grieve and accept that it's a natural and real feeling.
I've been in a similar place and know that it can feel impossible to move on. flowers

pepperrabbit Tue 03-May-16 09:31:00

Gosh that' s tough. I hope today goes OK and you feel calmer now.
Losing that sense of identity is hard - and it's happened to you because you're ill which is a double whammy. I think you know you have something to look forward to but you need to get through this emotional acceptance before you can move on?
Anyway, <<<hugs>>> and good luck.

MatildaTheCat Tue 03-May-16 10:35:45

This happened to me. It's horrible. I hope the meeting has gone as well as possible and you get to speak and say anything you want to. I took a friend/ colleague with me which helped massively.

I won't lie, it still hurts 3 years later but my case wasn't handled particularly well. But like you, life has gone on, I have friends and enough money. However we none of us actually envisage getting fired for being ill. It sucks. flowers

LivingInMidnight Tue 03-May-16 20:27:48

Every time illness takes something away from you it's tough, and this is a huge thing. I think we go up and down the stages of grief with illness a lot. It's a lot easier to accept it when you're (somewhat) merrily carrying on as normal and much tougher when you're dealt a big blow. I always feel cheated. Hope you're ok flowers

Cagliostro Tue 03-May-16 23:02:32

Thank you all so much. thanks

I ended up doing ok today. It did help having a colleague with me (her DD has similar illnesses to mine and she fights so hard for her, and she really 'gets it'). I got most of the tears out last night I think. It did hit me again when I was taking all the pictures off my locker.

The meeting was surprisingly quick and painless, I think it just reached the point where there's nothing left to say. I had a lovely afternoon with friends and then took the DCs to see a film as distraction for me!

I think what I'm mostly going to struggle with is how I've been treated by some of my colleagues. I really thought they were all friends (naive of me I guess) but it's so clear that several of them don't even believe I'm ill.

Simmi1 Thu 05-May-16 01:47:28

Well done OP. I am going through something similar - I am resigning (not going back after maternity leave). I was going to leave anyway but have unexpectedly become ill, if not too ill to work then too ill to work comfortably and well. It's come as a real blow. I've always been really healthy and was in my job 10+ yrs without any problems. Life goes on for others as normal whereas I've been dealt this blow. At first I thought it was temporary but 8 months later I'm still suffering 😢.

Cagliostro Thu 05-May-16 02:10:29

So sorry Simmi sad thanks are you sure resigning is the best option? (Genuine question, as I've no experience myself of maternity leave) For me the better way was to wait, and they have only dismissed me after several months. This has given plenty of time to find a redeployment position (I could do a desk role for a few hours a week, just not this physically demanding job, and I'm on the redeployment register until the day my notice runs out just in case something comes up - it's unlikely, but you never know). It is also worth considering impact on any benefits - it sucks to have to think about it, but I believe ESA for example would be harder to get if you resign rather than get dismissed or medically retired.

I guess it's a little different as you were going to leave anyway, but still, it's so horrible to have the choice taken away isn't it.

I hope you're getting some medical help, and that not working will be helpful, especially with a new baby (congratulations!). It has for me - physically I'm already reaping the benefits of not having gone to work in several months, and that's definitely helped me remember that I'm doing the right thing by not forcing myself into a job that causes pain.

I'm feeling slightly better today, had a bit of a confidence boost as I picked up a tiny bit of freelance stuff. It's not the same, it will never be the same as my lovely customer facing role that I miss so much, but it's something.

Thank you all again thanks

Simmi1 Thu 05-May-16 02:32:22

Thanks for your concern OP and glad you're doing well. Actually I have moved country to my husband's country which we planned before baby came so I was always going to resign - like you say though it's the choice being taken away. Also being ill has stopped me from looking for work in my new country as I intended to. My illness - I've had loads of tests but no one really knows what's causing my symptoms and all the treatments I've tried haven't worked! It's debilitating but I'm not house bound. I also don't have to work for money but I've always worked and have enjoyed it. Not sure stay at home mum is for me - just wish I'd get better. Have a wonderful day OP and thanks for your concern 💐

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