does this sound like dyspraxia? (adult)

[pigeonpoo]

This isn't me, it's someone close I get impatient and exasperated with because they always seem clumsy and careless and socially a bit of a misfit (though they certainly don't feel any of those things) they're not going to get a diagnosis because they'd never think anything was unusual about them or be willing to consider it. I suppose it would just make it easier for me to be more patient if I could put a genuine reason for why they're like they are. Iv stumbled across dyspraxia and a lot sounds familiar but not all, so I copied and pasted the symptoms of a website and deleted all that I couldn't recognise in this person

With what's left - could they still have dyspraxia? Is it likely?

As I say there won't be any diagnosis, it would just help me be more forgiving I think


Gross motor co-ordination skills (large movements):
Poor balance
Poor posture 
Difficulties with driving a car
Lack of rhythm when dancing, doing aerobics
Clumsy gait and movement. Difficulty changing direction,
Tendency to fall, trip, bump into things and people
Fine motor co-ordination skills (small movements)
Difficulty using tools and domestic implements, locks and keys
Difficulty with dressing and grooming activities, such as putting on makeup, shaving, doing hair, fastening clothes and tying shoelaces
Speech and language:
No symptoms 
Eye movements:
Tracking. Difficulty in following a moving object smoothly with eyes without moving head excessively.
Poor relocating. Cannot look quickly and effectively from one object to another (for example, looking from a TV to a magazine)
Perception (interpretation of the different senses):


Lack of awareness of body position in space and spatial relationships. Can result in bumping into and tripping over things and people, dropping and spilling things
Little sense of time, speed, Leading to difficulties driving, 
Inadequate sense of direction. Difficulty distinguishing right from left means map reading skills are poor
Learning, thought and memory:
Poor memory, especially short-term memory. May forget and lose things
Unfocused and erratic. Can be messy and cluttered
May do only one thing at a time properly, though may try to do many things at once
Slow to finish a task. May daydream and wander about aimlessly
Emotion and behaviour:
Difficulty in listening to people, Can be tactless, interrupt frequently. Problems with team work
Difficulty in picking up non-verbal signals or in judging tone or pitch of voice in themselves and or others.  May listen but not understand
Tendency to be erratic ñ have ‘good and bad days’
Tendency to opt out of things that are too difficult
Emotions as a result of difficulties experienced:
Tend to get stressed, 
emotional outbursts, and addictive behaviour

[pigeonpoo]

Bumping as posted late and though maybe more people around this morning?

[PollyPerky]

is this someone you are in a relationship with? would they not try for an assessment in order to help your relationship? All the things you list are signs of dyspraxia but almost everyone has an element of those- it depends how severe they are. Dyspraxia is also linked to dyslexia, ADHD and Aspergers- co morbidity. One of usually dominant. The person you describe may have 1 or all 3 conditions as well as personality traits that are none of these. If they don't want an assessment then are they open to changing their behaviour if they can?

[pigeonpoo]

No the relationship is they're an older family member.

They wouldn't seek a diagnosis, I'm sure of that

[pigeonpoo]

They don't see anything off with their behaviour so wouldn't be open to changing it...

[Shallishanti]

ds has dyspraxia and shows most of the things under motor skills and perception, but not the language/emotion ones
if it helps you be patient, I would agree with your assessment
what is their handwriting like? can they ride a bike?
if they feel hindered in living their life it may be that an OT might have helpful suggestions, but I can see why they might resist a diagnosis just for the sake of it

[PollyPerky]

If this person is old, the things you list could be dementia. There could be loads of reasons for this behaviour.

[pigeonpoo]

They're older than me, but not elderly.

They can write clearly with ease, ride a bike although chooses not to, and even proofreads to earn some money...

But the rest, just fits?

They've always been this way, there's not been any change other than a recent increase in the amount of falls they've had

[to0thypeg]

Your attitude towards this family member stinks. The problem is not him/her: it's you.

"They don't see anything off with their behaviour so wouldn't be open to changing it..."

You imply that getting a diagnosis of adult dyspraxia will enable this older family member to change his behaviour.

Maybe you've read something online that I, as I lifelong sufferer of severe dyspraxia, has failed to learn. If so, do tell me.

"and even proofreads to earn some money..."

So do I. And?????

[pigeonpoo]

It probably does stink. Iv tried to be vague as there are other issues with this member and I have only just stumbled across dyspraxia, it could explain some of the way they are.

It would be nice to think there was a genuine reason for the way they are and that its the rest of us who've been ignorant to it. It may not be the case

[pigeonpoo]

You imply that getting a diagnosis of adult dyspraxia will enable this older family member to change his behaviour.

No I didn't imply this. I answered a question from Polly asking me if they'd be open to changing their behaviour

[kelda]

If they have learnt to get around these things and don't consider themselves to have a problem, then there is no point in trying to convince them they have a problem.

It sounds like you need to be more accepting of them.

If you see an incident of dangerous driving, then you need to report it. Other then that, it's not your business.

[pigeonpoo]

My proofreading statement was in response to my symptom searching it had been mentioned as something somebody with it MAY find difficult. I was trying to highlight my family member is good enough at it to earn money

[pigeonpoo]

That's just it Kelda, they wouldn't want convincing anything is wrong. I wouldn't be trying.

It's a family member who has very difficult relationships with the rest of us, lack of boundaries, and lots of things which I don't think have anything to do with possible dyspraxia. But they also have exasperated us with being very careless, losing things, appearing very messy, disorganised and recently a string of falls closer together than usual. We've suspected attention seeking with the falls - since stumbling across dyspraxia I was hoping perhaps it's genuine and not attention seeking behaviour or just not caring.

[senua]

I don't understand what you want. If they got a diagnosis, then what? A diagnosis is a description of them; getting it written down won't change who they are.
I'm left-handed. Do you think that if you 'diagnosed' me as left-handed then I would suddenly say "Gosh. Well spotted I'd never noticed. I shall immediately become right-handed."

[pigeonpoo]

They don't want a diagnosis. I wouldn't be getting or pushing a diagnosis.

I am simply wondering - could they have undiagnosed dyspraxia?

Could that explain some of the things they exasperate everybody with? Could it actually be a genuine disability?

This family member has been accused by large numbers of people of being emotionally manipulative and abusive. I'm wondering if they've been misread on SOME (definitely not all) of their behaviour

[logfiresspit]

I DO understand what you want (I think!)

If I was finding a family member really difficult and bothersome, it WOULD make it easier for me to be patient with them if I knew that they couldn't help the way they behaved.

I don't get the impression that you want the family member to do anything/get diagnosed; it's more that it will help YOU to be more understanding of stuff that's driving you mad.

[logfiresspit]

crossposted... sorry

[kelda]

I wouldn't link emotionally manipulative and abusive with dyspraxia.

[pigeonpoo]

Thank you logfire!!!! Exactly!

[pigeonpoo]

I'm not linking it Kelda

• family member has row and goes NC after outburst. Family member calls saying in hospital, everyone must rally round, family member discharged quickly from hospital so no proof to anyone they were in hospital.

Family reads this as manipulative - to get us communicating again

This happens repeatedly. Usually after a row.

Could be attention seeking. But this person is also somebody who DOES trip over a lot

I'm wondering if the falls could be genuinely happening, even though they often coincide at times they appear unbelievable

[MonsterClaws]

I am dyspraxia though pretty mildly, I ride bikes and write and read fluently. Oddly there is some evidence that dyspraxics are more likely to be speed readers gnough obviously the opposite happens too.

I drop, break and bash myself and stuff endlessly. I am late and lost frequently and sufficiently bruised to look like a contact sport player. I am physically clumsy in busy rooms so can look gauche but I am not an arsehole, or difficult or insensitive.

We have to accept or love quirks in those around us and whether your relative is awkward or you are overly critical is your judgement call. I think if they are dyspraxic thy probably do know these things are hard for them, mot if us are acutely aware that most people find easy can be hard for us and any problems you see are a small sample of the ones we have experienced. I look great a bike riding but you wouldn't know it took me relentless practice and I was about three. Years older than my peers when I fin
ally got it.

[pigeonpoo]

I drop, break and bash myself and stuff endlessly. I am late and lost frequently and sufficiently bruised to look like a contact sport player. I am physically clumsy in busy rooms so can look gauche but I am not an arsehole, or difficult or insensitive

Until you said but in the last sentence... I was seeing my family member in that. They are also difficult and insensetive.

But I do wonder if they've lived their whole life with dyspraxia undiagnosed, without support and been critiscised for something they couldn't help if that made them defensive and difficult...

[PollyPerky]

I have had close professional contact with people with dyspraxia and Aspergers.

I've already posted here that there is a cross over between many of these conditions. You don't seem to have grasped that.

The key signs of someone with dyspraxia include: physical - lack of coordination, clumsy, untidy handwriting, slower reading, problems with writing and spelling (like dyslexia) etc ( used to be known as 'clumsy child syndrome'). Dyspraxia is a physical problem with delayed muscle development/ immaturity. Eye control is often an issue- lack of eye contact when talking to others.

It is also like all these conditions on a spectrum. There are mild and severe sufferers.

The psychological issues you post about don't resonate with me at all- they seem more linked to Aspergers. or the person might just be a nasty person. We don't know! If this behaviour only exists at home and not in their employment than that suggests it's nothing to do with a condition, but is a personality / relationship issue.

I don't agree about not getting diagnosed. If this person's relationships are suffering, then a diagnosis is helpful because it makes them understand why they behave as they do and it can help them change their behaviour. There are support groups for adults with dyspraxia and Aspergers. The people they are close to could suggest that their behaviour may stem from something which is undiagnosed, and if it was, it could help everyone. But the person you're posting about has to want that diagnosis and understand why it might be helpful.

[pigeonpoo]

All their relationships suffer - family, work, social

But there's sufficient family history to explain some of that. They've been suggested to suffer from Borderline personality disorder by multiple MH professionals.

[pigeonpoo]

Lack of eye contact is a big one...

But having been seen my multiple MH professionals I'd crossed Aspergers off as a "do they?" Question in my mind.

The physical symptoms of dyspraxia I think could be genuine and being incorrectly read by the rest of us, due to the other behaviours.