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Voluntary temporary foster care?

(21 Posts)
BlueBalloon18 Mon 30-Nov-15 17:12:23

A month ago I slipped a disc in my back and it's compressing nerves but not enough to warrant surgery or any treatment, since then I've damaged my back even more (falling down stairs, fainting etc) to the point where if I get out of bed and sit downstairs longer then an hour the pain causes me to pass out and have a seizure.
So for the past month I've been in and out of hospital and I've had to have someone with me and ds (20 months) at all time, meaning my self-employed partner hasn't been at work. This has destroyed us financially! Ive exhausted all resources (health visitors, social services etc) trying to find some help but all I've been offered is temporary foster care for my son. I'm totally torn as to what to do. I try and justify it by telling myself it's no different from when I was in hospital or when he stays at friends but the thought of my baby being taken off of me until I'm capable to look after him (which we've been told can take 6 weeks- 4 months) is heartbreaking, especially over the Christmas period. I can't keep relying on friends and family so my partner can go to work but I can't give my baby away either. I just don't know what to do!!

Alonglongway Tue 01-Dec-15 02:33:23

Wow that's tough. No family in reasonable distance?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 01-Dec-15 04:45:58

Oh my goodness - is it not possible at all for your family to step in?

Alternatively - without being crass - are they well off enough to help you find a nanny?

Turquoisetamborine Tue 01-Dec-15 06:36:07

Could you not take the lesser financial hit and pay a childminder to have your son full time with partner dropping them off on the way to work and collecting on way home?
I know it will be difficult financially but you might get help from tax credits depending on your financial situation and I'd far rather that than using foster care.

wannabestressfree Tue 01-Dec-15 06:44:36

When I was preganant with number 2 I had status epilepsy and spent a lot of time in hospital. Social services helped with a childminder as partner was in the army.
I am sorry but your partner really needs to step up. Find a nursery or childminder. Do not put him in foster care- what happens if your situation continues?
Have you explained the situation fully to your family?

mouldycheesefan Tue 01-Dec-15 06:55:19

Sorry You are poorly bUt I think you are not thinking straight. Putting your child into care is not something you do when stuck for childcare. Your partner needs to organise a childminder, nanny or nursery so he can go to work. Goodness knows why he has not already done this. Seriously getting into the care system means proving you are fit to have your child back etc, it's not a 'holiday' for the child it means they are being cared for by total strangers and taking up a place that a child at risk needs. Lots and lots of people are single parents, are away in the forces, work odd shifts etc etc and they all manage to sort out childcare without giving up their kids even temporarily. Your partner needs to step up and get this organised a sap, like today. You don't need this worry when you are in agony.
Good luck

JennyOnAPlate Tue 01-Dec-15 06:59:29

Yes you need a nursery or childminder and dh can do drop off and pick up around work. I don't understand why you would even consider putting your child into care unless there's more to your story than you've told us.

P1nkP0ppy Tue 01-Dec-15 07:06:51

I agree with pp, why aren't your family being more practical and stepping in? Even if they're all in full time work they could help out at weekends.
I had my dn when her brother was in hospital for a long time, it wouldn't have crossed anyone's mind to go for fostering!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 01-Dec-15 07:16:39

Your partner and family need to look after your baby. That's just what needs to happen. You really should not put your child in foster care.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH Tue 01-Dec-15 07:20:50

I don't have any advice but following as in a similar situation. I've lupus and hyperemisis and spent 90% of my pregnancy so far in hospital, my family are around weekends but during the week has been impossible, we've had some help with childcare from social services and been told a foster family will be a last resort - tax credits should help with nursery? It's got to the point I'm avoiding hospital and looking after DS around nursery times. flowers as I know it's a tough situation.

ConfusedInBath Tue 01-Dec-15 12:40:59

Seems a brutal step. What does your family think?

chocadd1ct Tue 01-Dec-15 14:47:50

is childcare during the day an option? foster care seems a steep step if you have a partner even though he works. could he do the drop off and pick up from nursery or childminder?

also, get decent benefit advice and make sure you claim everything you are entitled to.

amarmai Tue 01-Dec-15 19:29:49

wd an au pair be a solution ?

VimFuego101 Tue 01-Dec-15 19:33:45

If you voluntarily put your child into foster care they may well charge you. How old is your son, can he not go to a childminder to allow your partner to work?

VimFuego101 Tue 01-Dec-15 19:34:30

*as in charge you a fee

Aliceinwonderlust Tue 01-Dec-15 19:35:41

Dear god there is no way you can do this. Anyone within your friends and family is preferable

thelouise Wed 02-Dec-15 16:50:01

Are you not entitled for social services support for you? They can help with showering, preparing meals and basic household stuff while your husband is at work. Whilst it won't provide childcare, per se, it could facilitate you being able to manage a bit better.

TheWildRumpyPumpus Wed 02-Dec-15 17:31:21

I went into hospital for 4.5 months when DSs were little. They both went to nursery - DH came to a private arrangement with a couple of the nursery key-workers so one would come to our house early allowing him to go to work before nursery opened, they'd do a full day at nursery, then someone would bring them back to the house and give them some tea/do bath time if DH had to work late.

My parents helped out on occasion so DH could come and visit me in hospital.

Yes it's expensive - presumably there would be assistance for these costs if you qualified (we didn't).

I really would go to foster care if you haven't explored all the other options. There must be local childcare options.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 02-Dec-15 18:03:48

I'm astounded that children's services have offered you foster care! You have a partner! Surely the partner has to quit his job before contemplating foster care! If you were in my local authority you'd be looked at in disbelief if you asked for foster care. Maybe you live in a foster carer rich area hmm and your local authority has a budget surplus to use up hmmhmm

This isn't on, it just isn't. At worst you need to put the baby in full time childcare and take out a loan to pay for it. Or get a lodger? If you have anyway to squeeze bedrooms so you have a spare then a lodger is feasible for te short term. Foster care could be so damaging to your child's attachment relationship with you. I'm quite angry that it has been offered. If they have ££ for foster care then they have ££ for a home help!!

shouldnthavesaid Thu 03-Dec-15 05:30:33

Fight back with the hospital too, if the disc is causing you to fall/faint then there's every reason to sort it. Ask to speak to a different consultant, and also ask to be referred to physiotherapy/pain management team. Are you prone to seizures at all or is this something completely new?

sparechange Thu 03-Dec-15 05:39:13

If your disc is causing you this much trouble, you very much do need surgery or treatment. I'm staggered they aren't giving you physio as a minimum, let alone steroid injections and possibly even a microdiscectomy
You must get them to do something for your pain.
Google 'cauda equina syndrome' and if you think you have any of those, get an emergency appointment with your GP, and get an urgent referral to a neurologist.
If you definitely have more than one, consider phoning an ambulance
Nerve pain is the pits, and can cause long-term and irreversible damage if left untreated for too long

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