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Sick grandparent

(5 Posts)
lounear35 Mon 20-Jul-15 10:49:06

Ok so maybe not the right place to post but u can direct me otherwise...
My dad is 67 and has copd, diabetes, heart problems (triple bypass and valve replacement ) arthritis, kidney failure amongst other bits and bobs, last night he went to hospital as he has a chest infection and they told him he has a TIA a mini stroke, I've googled (dangerous thing) and it says more or full stroke could follow, does anyone have experience of TIA and what happens after considering his really poor health and numerous near death experiences (last week he got all clear from teats for lung cancer) I'm wondering if time is coming to talk to my girls aged 7 and 13 they are unbelievably close to him and my mum and wondering should I start explaining that he is ill as I'm getting calls more regularly to run to the house or hospital cause he's ill. Would anyone have my advice xx ta

juneau Mon 20-Jul-15 10:57:32

flowers for you OP. What a very distressing situation.

I'm afraid I don't know much about TIAs, although I know they're not exactly great news and with all your DFs other health problems they're not really what he needs on top of everything else.

With regard to your DC, yes I would tell them that grandad is very ill indeed. He has about four conditions (by my reckoning), that could kill him any time, so I think preparing your DC for bad news would be kind and allow them to ask questions and understand a bit about what's going on. I have a 7-year-old and he's perfectly well able to understand illness and death, so both your girls are old enough to have a discussion with you about this. The older one could be given more info, obviously, regarding the various health issues, for the younger one I would keep things in simple terms.

lounear35 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:04:53

Thanks I know u r right I just find it so difficult to talk about without crying, and my mum and dad do the stuff upper lip thing and don't discuss it even thou we are all thinking it. Il have to sit down and think about what to say. We have seen dad thru so much and each time he pulls thru but this time Dr says more will follow so I think preparation is the key. Ta x

juneau Mon 20-Jul-15 12:07:16

If you find it really hard to do without crying do you have a DP or DH who could perhaps do the first chat? Then if the girls have questions they can ask you later, but the basic facts will have already been given.

TBH, I find DC can be very matter of fact and accepting about these things. Your 13-year-old might get upset, of course, but the 7-year-old may just say 'Oh, okay' and that will be that.

gingeroots Mon 20-Jul-15 12:20:10

How hard ,I'm so sorry .

FWIW ( not much because everyone is different ) I watched my mum have a TIA so I know she had it ,although she denied it .I suspect she may have others .

She had quite bad heart failure ,some kidney failure .gout in her hands ,arthritis ,very little sight ,leg ulcers ,etc . She lived with all these until she was 94 .

I think the COPD and diabetes will complicate things for your granddad but the TIA might not be so much too worry about .

Personally I don't think you need to say more to your children than that their great grand dad is getting older and is poorly again . That you're all worried about him but have to take things one day at a time .But that he's having good care and is well looked after .

Sorry I can't be more help .

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