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Bleeding and at the verge of giving up

(51 Posts)
Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 19:28:50

I had a baby late December.
Since then I have had irregular periods/bleeding. I am on no contraception. I am 25.

I have had blood tests for hormone imbalance. First test came back I had very low oestrogen. So they did another and this came back normal. I was sent for an ultrasound scan on my ovaries and uteruse. Normal.

I had a smear ten days ago and I'm awaiting the results.
I am so worried. I suffer from extream health anxiety. I can't eat and sleep for worrying about the results if what the smear letter is going to say.

I jump every time I even look at the post box. It's my birthday on Friday and my OH has made all special plans for my two DS and myself but inside I'm screaming I don't want to do anything except from go to bed and sleep until I get my results from my smear.

Today I woke up and I had blood in my discharge which is still there a tiny bit now.

The GP put me on tables for my anxiety a couple of weeks ago, I don't know if they are making any difference. Only difference I feel is that normally if I found blood in my discharge I would be rocking and going dizzy. This time round I'm outwardly calm... And numb.

For the first time in ages I have felt like just ending my life. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I had a sleep before and when I woke up I sobbed inside at the thought of having to worry about my smear letter and this blood again.
Please don't scear me and tell me I'm going to die. It would be better if I killed myself rather then going to hospital appointments for months and then being terminally ill anyway.

Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 19:30:59

I said I can't eat and sleep. I can sleep. When I sleep I'm not worrying. It's like being dead.

ConfusedInBath Wed 15-Jul-15 19:35:11

Please please go back to your GP.
Tell him what you've written. Does your DH know how you feel?

lilacblossomtime Wed 15-Jul-15 19:36:18

Sorry to hear this, you must tell your Dh how you feel and get some help.

Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 19:41:13

Iv told him. Were only young. Hes a young lad. Twenty five
He has had to deal with me since we were fifteen. This anxiety has got worse since I was about seventeen. He gets cross with me now, because he says I'm not listening to anyone. But I know I'm probably going to die because of this blood. Everything I read tells me its cancer.
I realised today that I hadn't spoken a word to my baby all day. How bad is that. But I'm numb...yet i cooked a full roast dinner today for all my OH n DS. Werid

lilacblossomtime Wed 15-Jul-15 19:41:42

If your Dh is not easy to talk to do you have a sympathetic friend or family member. You need to get some help right away.

lilacblossomtime Wed 15-Jul-15 19:43:16

I mean see a Dr as soon as possible for your anxiety and mental health.

Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 19:43:38

I honestly am at the point now where I want to go and sit in the middle of a road and what ever happens...happens. Because I feel like the thing I have been worrying about for the last seven years, is coming true.

lilacblossomtime Wed 15-Jul-15 19:46:32

I would call the out of hours Dr and tell them how you are feeling.

ConfusedInBath Wed 15-Jul-15 19:50:05

Darling you have your whole life ahead of you. You have a family that love you.

You've had scans that show everything as normal.
You had a baby very recently so your hormones are still haywire.

You have anxiety not cancer.

You MUST go back to your GP.

StrawberrytallCake Wed 15-Jul-15 19:53:58

Oh that's terrible flowers I can empathise with the way that you feel because I have awful health anxiety too and funnily enough I've had irregular bleeding since having my first dc.

I have had polyps and a tumour removed - both totally benign, both picked up on ultrasound, I went to bed for a week waiting for those results even though the Dr told me they would be fine. They have tested for anything with you that could be more serious. I had a smear test and had what they call 'severe dyskariosis' then had some cells removed but even though it is called severe it still could have taken years to become at all nearly cancerous - and more recently I've had a blood test which checks what kind of HPV I have and it isn't one of the dangerous types so it may never have become cancerous. I remember getting the letter and believing I would die.

I still had bleeding after all of this and at my last hysteroscopy it was found I might have adenomyosis which although it is annoying isn't life threatening at all - I've also got a mild prolapse from having massive babies which means I sometimes have a little bleeding although the mirena has helped greatly.

I hope this helps - I'm trying to give you practical information on how unlikely it is there is anything seriously wrong to give you a chance to give yourself a break.

I think you should definitely go to the GP to change your tablets as it doesn't sound like they are helping you at all. I wish I could give you a big hug and a cup of tea because I feel like I know what you're going through.

Ver1tyPushpram Wed 15-Jul-15 19:56:23

I had very nasty, postnatal anxiety and was put on anti depressants, in the early stages they made me feel much worse. If I were you I would go back to your GP and explain how you are feeling.

My jump-out-of-my-skin trigger used to be the phone ringing. There were times when the anxiety would almost tie me to the sofa because my own mind was trying to trick me into believing that standing up would mean a fatal heart attack. Yes, you have something worrying going on, but what you are feeling is just as important and needs sorting out just as much.


Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 19:58:02

I won't kill myself because I can just go to sleep. Iv just got these thoughts. Everyone just says to me. 'Your ruining your life worrying, blah blah, your a young attractive girl,blah blah, you have a mortgage, two beautit children blah blah. Your the healthiest person I know blah blah. Yh I'm only healthy because i worry non stop. Don't eat the bad foods for the fear of it turning into cancer in my body and I move around a lot bcz then the foods not stale and rotting inside me and I'm keeping my heart beating. I'm a normal person with a good job. Butbnormal people with good jobs can be sat at a desk with a Dr being told they are going to die. I have a very clean house. Immaculate. If I wasn't here there is no way my OH could iron and clean like I can for my children. My four year olds lunch box is immaculate and I take such pride for him.

I cut my lawn with fuckin scissors ffs. Anyone that I know. Doesn't know this. To them I'm just 'Jo the worryier. Isn't she funny. Bloody hell now she's on some tablets sonshe can't even have a drink with us. But its not funny because inside iv got this really loud radio on blaring WHAT IT WHAT IF WHAT IT WHAT IT WHAT IF

ConfusedInBath Wed 15-Jul-15 20:02:04

If it wasn't your health you were anxious about it would be something else.

It's anxiety that is the problem not your health.

Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 20:06:21

Tbh what I really need is a big hug and a cup of tea. My OH cane upstairs and asked me what I was writing and I told him 'about corrie' and he said 'bloody hell fire', laughed,checked the cot and went out to his mums to sort something out for my birthday

ConfusedInBath Wed 15-Jul-15 20:09:59

Well I can't hug you in real life but from one mum to another I will send you a virtual hug flowers

Keep chatting on here if it helps.

StrawberrytallCake Wed 15-Jul-15 20:13:47

Yes virtual hugs here too flowers

Can you tell your OH how you're feeling right now and that's what you need? I find mine is more effective when I give him direct instructions!!!

lilacblossomtime Wed 15-Jul-15 20:15:36

Sending you a virtual hug and brew. Do you have a nice friend who would come for a chat? I would call them and be sure to see your GP in the morning.

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 15-Jul-15 20:16:51

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Very kindest to you OP, apols for hijacking your thread. Hope that things get better very very soon.

Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 20:18:00

Thankyou. If I got my cervical smear letter tomoz and it came back ok. I would go manically the other way and go for a big meal and stay up until really late, cuddeling up on Sofa with other half watching movies. But right now all I want to do is go to bed/ take shit loads of them anxiety tablets/sit in a road.

I'll just make it clear now that my four year old hasn't got a clue how I feel. I'm very good at hiding it, I'm still as enthusiastic about things when I'm around him (he has a massive outgoing,confident personality). However actually. I keep saying tht if my letter comes back all clear I will join him and his dad swimming and take him pictures to watch the minion movie.

My baby is getting affected tho. I don't speak to him. I bath him/feed him in near silence and have to make a Hugh effort to smile and make noises at him. Because when I'm on my own I'm droopy and slow.

Battleshiphips Wed 15-Jul-15 20:19:37

flowers. Has anyone mentioned poly cystic ovary syndrome to you. I have this and I once bled for 3 straight years! Other times I'd have spotting etc. I also have low oestrogen levels. You don't need to have the cysts to have the symptoms either. You need to explain to your GP how you are feeling. I wrote letters to all my family because I was convinced it was cancer and I was dying. That was 20 yrs ago. I hope your smear results come back ok for you.

ConfusedInBath Wed 15-Jul-15 20:21:21

The letter will come back normal I'm sure of that but next week you will be anxious about something else.
You need help.

Baddz Wed 15-Jul-15 20:26:07

I think you have post natal depression.
I bled for 6 months after having my ds1. No reason ever found.
Please go back to your gp...print off this thread and take it with you.

Jo4040 Wed 15-Jul-15 20:26:54

No one has mentioned poly cystic ovaries to me. Just a locum GP very seriously said I need to have an ultrasound done, and at this point inwenr into meltdown and had to be lied on a bed. I asked her if I was going to die and she said she didn't think so. She put me on these tablets. The thing is. A GP (another locum) said the chances if me having cervical cancer is small bcz I have only ever had one sexual partner and my partner has only ever slept with me. We been together since we were fifteen. However he dis have sexual contact with a girl who probably had the HPV virus so I worry about this. I'm sick of worrying. That's why I'm walking around like a zombie

Battleshiphips Wed 15-Jul-15 22:04:11

The best thing you can do is make an appointment with your regular GP. You really sound like you need more professional help for your anxiety.

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