I'm being tested for cancer

[Justusemyname]

I have been told I'm not going through an early menopause but the GP sent me for a blood test to check for ovarian cancer and the letter has already gone to hospital for a scan to check for cervical cancer. I'm very calm. Wondering if I'm being denial, stupid, or best way as I've no idea what is going on yet. I'd like to talk to people about their emotional feelings rather than physical if anyone would like too.

[justanotherquestion]

I am supporting a relative through ovarian cancer at the moment. I strongly suggest you post on ovarian cancer support forums as they will definitely have others' going through this.

I am not, of course, saying it is likely you have this but it is very good that you have a GP who is looking at all possibilities. It sounds as if you are in good hands.

[Justusemyname]

I'm sorry your relative has cancer, just. Vile disease and sadly it is in my family and DH to a lesser degree.

I'm just wondering why I'm so clam about it all. I'm normally a worrier.

[Weebirdie]

My ladybits have gone a bit bonkers recently and tomorrow I have a transvaginal scan booked. Im 57, and Ive presumably been through the menopause.

I had quite a bleed about 2 weeks ago that I now think was down to the Metformin pre diabetes medication Ive been put on as seemingly it can be used to treat PCOS. But my biggest worry is the grumbles Im having on my left hand side and the quite severe pain I had the day my bleeding started. I also discovered my vulva has gone white - the Dr is not concerned with this though but my smear test isnt back yet.

I came in today to start a thread saying how scared I am and found this one instead.

Justusemyname - I know how you feel. Im terrified. We currently have my housekeeper at home dying of secondary breast cancer and my head feels as if its been in a spindryer. I gag when I clean my teeth. I wake up having panic attacks and when I took my housekeeper for radiation therapy today I was sitting there thinking I could be here next.

I could weep

(((big hugs to all the scared ladies)))

[Weebirdie]

Sorry - I missed the bit about you being calm. Im reading but not really taking things in.

Im due to go on holiday in a week, alone, and Ive decided regardless of what happens Im going and I'll face things when I get back. But at the same time I worry about how scared I'll be when Im away and how I'll cope if there's something very ugly going on with me.

[drycoughssuck]

I sometimes think we worry about the little things we think we might control because we don't have anything big going on. When something big happens then we turn very rational "Well obviously no point in worrying about this one, it will be what it will be."

I hope the time to test results passes quickly for you.

[Lilymaid]

There are always several posters on the Tamoxigang thread going through similar experiences, waiting for tests, scans and results. I was calm when my diagnosis of breast cancer, swiftly followed by a diagnosis of secondary breast cancer came. It was something that I couldn't remedy by myself, which existed so I couldn't deny it and where I had to get through the treatment in the best way I could. I try to remain optimistic until such time as I'm told that there are no further treatments possible to keep the cancer under control.

[Justusemyname]

Weebirdie - I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I've no wise words unfortunately. I hope you get well looked after and all is fine.

Drycoughsucks - I have a lot going on at the moment, all extremely stressful nothing I can do anything about and no end in sight so I think I'm just thinking of course more is being piled on me. I tend to fall apart at tiny stuff and have steel going through me when serious things happen.

Lilymaid - I'm so sorry you have been though, and are going through, this difficult time. I don't know what to say. I had read a little on the Tamoxigang thread and you are all impressively strong and supportive people.

Thanks all. You're all very kind .

[Weebirdie]

Thank you

[Thymeout]

Much sympathy for anyone playing the waiting game.

I had a major ov ca scare last summer. I was so anxious, I couldn't eat, and had already lost weight through digestive problems. I knew it would take time to resolve - nearly 2 months, as it turned out, with scans, a biopsy, surgery and waiting for lab results - so went to my GP for help with the anxiety.

She put me on a low dose anti-d with a limited supply of valium until they kicked in. It really helped me get through that dreadful time. Stress takes a massive toll on your seratonin levels.

The chances are it'll all be sorted quite quickly with the results of your scan and bloodtest - but, if it takes time to get a diagnosis, I really recommend getting help. Especially, you, Weebirdie - I remember the panic attacks on waking only too well. But the anti-d's stopped all that.

Good luck! The chances are you're both absolutely fine.

[Justusemyname]

Bit scared today. DH keeps telling me I'll be fine and not to worry before I need too. I know he's right but I told him last night I want a bit of panicking from him so I know he cares. I need a slap as that is so childish and I know he loves me so much. I'm worried that I was so calm yesterday and not accepting I could have it.

[Weebirdie]

Thymeout, you message was really encouraging and very caring at a time when I was at my wits end and shaking like jelly. Thank you so much. Really.

[Weebirdie]

Just, Im sorry your scared today. Its bloody awful, isnt it. I really dont know what to say to console you so I will tell you what happened to me today.

I went in for the ultrasound and asked for the one across for me to be swtiched off as I had no interest whats so ever in seeing what was going on inside me. I also said to the radiographer I was scared but she remembered me from a breast ultrasound I had about 6 months ago and knew how to handle me - which was to say very little.

So she had a fiddle around and said you have fibroids (I knew about them), she also said my left ovary looked fine and what I thought was advanced ovarian cancer was actually gas. Seemingly I am full of wind and she asked if I had a stressful life. I do, its very stressful, so she said something about IBS and trying not to worry about things so much. She then told me I have a small cyst on my right ovary but everything was fine so I took this to mean its not of a size that would warrant great concern.

She told me you really are fine so I burst into tears and threw up. My DD and DIL sorted me out and we then went to see my gynaecologist who was with someone having a baby and I was told the Dr will call you later.

About an hour after I got home I answered the phone to my Dr saying I am very happy with your report but we have to keep an eye on that cyst and for that reason I want this test repeated in 3 month. She also offered to do the C125? test and has left the paperwork for me to collect if I decide to go ahead with it however I dont think I will due to how much angst it seems to cause women who post about it on this forum. Im more than content to wait for rescanning because I know if she had any real worries she'd have me in to investigate further tomorrow.

My fibroids were a bit of a shock and I think she will be after me having a hysterectomy later on in the summer because they measure 3.7cms, 4.6cms, and 7.8 cms. And its like she said - think of how much room they are taking up in there.

I have yet to get the result of my smear test and my hormone test.

I spent hours on google yesterday, scaring the life out of myself, and one post I read mentioned how gas can mimic ovarian pain. I laughed out loud and thought - as if! And here I am with exactly the same thing.

But one other thing that really struck me is that how we can have an ovarian cyst and not know anything about it. That is really is the case that most women only find out by accident that they have them.

The unexplained bleeding I had? Well it looks like the Metformin I was started on recently for pre diabetes kick started one of my fibroids into action again but there is also the chance that I'm not yet post menopausal at 57 and the bleed was my hormones having a party. Time will tell as I had my Mirena taken out 2 weeks ago, I'd been using it to deal with the fibroids, and until we get my hormone levels back it really is a mystery - but not one to cause concern.

So this is what happened to me today and I think its a really good indication of how things can be as innocent as people say they can be.

I hope this has been of some help to you.

[Weebirdie]

Just going back to how you need to see that your husband cares.

I said the same thing about my eldest daughter and she said to me - I am concerned mama but what good is it going to do if we google the way you are doing and none of us end up being able to clean our teeth.

My other daughter is married to a Dr and she was taking his lead, but funny enough when we got to the hospital today she did have a bit of a 'dip' and we just said oh it must be the heat, go and have a sit down and a drink. I do think however that she got scared.

My DIL said to me - tell me what your worst fear is then she kind of talked me through it.

One of my sons came and sat with me yesterday and just blethered to me - it was hard going

The others are away but I got messages from them, jokey messages, nothing sentimental.

They all cared and so does everyone around you.

xxxx

[Triliteral]

I'm also going through a cancer scare. I've had three melanomas, two about twenty years ago, the third about three years ago. I've had tonsil stones for years on my left tonsil. Read up about it and usually not serious so I have been ignoring, but a couple of months ago I saw what seemed to be a black spot on it. My GP referred me to an ENT, who seemed very casual. By the time I got my appointment there, the black spot seemed to have disappeared but he said I should have my tonsils out anyway for the stones, but that there would be a six to nine month wait.

I was very calm at that point until my hospital appointment came through for yesterday. I couldn't have the op then as I am flying to Scotland in a week and a half and it wouldn't be safe. They moved the date by only two weeks, and when I asked about the supposed waiting time, he said I was a cancer risk because of my history and because one of my melanomas was on my neck, just below my jaw on the same side as the problem tonsil.

My head is all over the place. I find it hard to concentrate. I can't really bring myself to talk about it to my husband as I feel the real risk is probably very small and I don't want to worry my family any more than they are already worried by the op. In addition, does anyone else here feel it's really hard to talk to others who can't really imagine what it feels like to have this hanging over you? I feel like a drama queen to be responding so badly but it's with me all the time.

AS you can probably tell Justusemyname, my head is all over the place. My sympathies are with all of you who are having to deal with this.

[Justusemyname]

It's just I said no to the doctor's offer of a scan and blood test (testing for cervical and ovarian cancers) but he was calmly insistent. I agreed to the blood as that is easy but said no again to the scan but he printed the referral off anyway.

I've had polyps removed twice and would never choose a general anaesthetic as I reacted very badly last time so would keep quiet about any more mid cycle bleeding unless it was more than a couple of times in a six month period.

At the scan before the polyp removal the doc casually said it might be endometrial cancer so I casually said it to DH and then felt awful I'd not prepared him. It was just a polyp.

I'm all over the shop. Don't want it to be the bad thing but equally if it is at least I'm not going mad. How stupid is that? I get sharp stabbing pains that come out of nowhere then go but haven't googled as it always ends up in I'm dying .

I'm so sorry you are going through all that Triliteral. I really hope it is all innocent and you are fine. I hope you are able to enjoy Scotland. It's a lovely place.

[Weebirdie]

Just, I think they have to be insistent, there is a pathway they have to follow even if it still means that more than 90 percent of women will have results that show no cause for concern.

Its also like my Dr said today - the radiographer has also suggested an MRI but there is no need just yet and not just because they mostly suggest it to cover their arse!!!! I was laughing so much when she said that so perhaps you can look at it the same way - your Dr is covering his arse.

But not only that - what else are they to say when we ask what can it be? They know we will go home and google so perhaps they decide to save us the bother and give us good quality information straight from the horses mouth.

And yes I do understand how getting an scary result would be better than thinking your were going mad. The truth is though that it wouldn't be better. It just wouldn't. In fact I even said to the girls today lets go early so I can just get this over and done with! I want to know from now what Im facing! And yes, I even had my funeral planned!

I doubt anything anyone will say to you will make you feel better, but I am thinking of you and understanding totally how you are feeling.

[Weebirdie]

Trilateral, you're not a drama queen and if it helps you please feel free to speak to us about how scared you are.

[Triliteral]

Doctors being calmly insistent is ridiculously alarming isn't it? I was fine until I knew I had skipped the waiting list, which sounds stupid. I completely get the thing about not wanting the bad thing, but if it is, knowing at least you weren't going mad. Sorry about the stabbing pains. I'm lucky I don't have that.

Hopefully in a few weeks we will all be clear and will be able to relax. I'm going to a wedding in a castle. I would be really looking forward to it if it wasn't for all this rubbish.

Do you work? I find it so hard to appear normal, and things I would normally deal with without difficulty just seem so much harder.

[Triliteral]

Thanks weebirdie. Sitting here crying now. It's good to be able to talk. And yes to the funeral plan, though more of an outline and wondering how I would prepare the children. My eldest is eighteen and sitting his IB these last two weeks. Trying to support him through that and haven't even told him about the op yet.

[Triliteral]

Glad your problems were innocent weebirdie.

[Justusemyname]

My only relative who cared for me died of cancer six years after having it for the first time so I know it isn't better. I just want to know why I have what I have as it can't be nothing.

Fuck. I'm sorry if I've made anyone cry by making this in active convos.

I'm not telling the kids. They are too little and no need to worry them.

Thinking of everyone.

[Triliteral]

You didn't make me cry. It's just a relief to talk about it and everyone was being so nice.

I had cancer the first time over twenty years ago. Even if it is something, it isn't always a death sentence.

[Justusemyname]

I don't work . I'm a sahm though I volunteer at my DC primary school a fair bit. Would like to work again though.

[Justusemyname]

A friend had it 14 years ago and is still with us but everyone else I know has died with it. Currently very worried about a staff member at school. They are so young with a young family. I don't understand why we haven't got a cure yet given the millions pledged.

[Triliteral]

I only went back to work last year, two days a week. Loved being a SAHM. I still like to have time to enjoy my children.