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Paranoid ....Can't see anything changing :(

(10 Posts)
Tinker31 Fri 02-Jan-15 18:13:14

In 2012 I had a blood clot, was a reasonable size and was in my lung. I was on warafin for 7 months after and since I have been to the hospital 3 other times panicking that I have another one.

It was that big the doctor was surprised that I had survived. So naturally any symptoms that are similar I start to worry.

The 15th of December I had keyhole surgery and was on clexane for 2 weeks after. But since I have stopped taking them I am extra paranoid. I have a few aches an pains in my legs but then I am thinking that may be down to me wearing heals on new years and possibly over doing it since my op.

I am booked in to go to the doctors anyway but I am just so scared all of the time. Is there anyone else out there who has had anything similar. I have to dc and they are my world. It is just me an them an they worry about me too so I am being strong.

I can't see the fear ever going away sad

scoobdoob Fri 02-Jan-15 18:39:23

Did the doctors know what had caused it? It is normal to have a fear after a life changing situation like you had. Also when you have children I think your outlook on life changes.

Having said that I am exactly the same as you. Had some surgery that went very wrong and now I am paranoid all the time. Constantly watch for symptoms. Think I am going to leave my children.
I have cbt that helped a bit but I will never be the same.

Tinker31 Fri 02-Jan-15 19:44:52

Well they said the only thing that could of caused the clot is the pill, I was on it back to back at the time t control my endometriosis. But I am not on the pill anymore , I think it is just knowing I am more at risk now to get another one.
Sorry to hear about your bad experience as well, I don't want to show that I am scared in front of my dc but at the same time it is scary.

scoobdoob Fri 02-Jan-15 19:53:23

I know, nobody really knows how I feel. But any ache pain I am sure something bad is happening.
I Google everything. I may have to have surgery soon and I am terrified. Have turned it down twice. Also need some diagnostic procedures and won't have them. But whilst I am afraid of the procedure that would give me an answer to my symptoms I am also convincing myself I have some terrible disease from the symptoms. If that makes sense!

I think its like constantly been on high alert waiting for something to happen.

my rationale head would say to you. The cause has been removed ie, the pill, you had the treatment at the time and the clexane after the procedure, you are aware of symptoms. And it is most likely your heels wink

Elibean Fri 02-Jan-15 20:17:37

Ladies, have either of you been offered counselling to help deal with the fear? Other than a bit of CBT, that is? I think after all you've both been through, you're entitled to support to help adjust.

I had a life threatening illness a long time ago, and had six months of counselling afterwards just to help me express and deal with the fear and loss that was still 'in my body' - or that's how it felt - once I was better. I couldn't get my head around having kids until I did, tbh, and I can't imagine having to process all that with children. Hats off to you both.

And as you clearly both love your children a great deal, all the more reason to get some support for yourselves - especially if you are 'just me and them', really. I think I would go to my GP and ask/demand/beg for some help, peace of mind is so important and something we all need and deserve!

Wishing you both luck finding it, xx

Elibean Fri 02-Jan-15 20:19:07

Oops, sorry Scoob - just re-read, sounds as though your cbt is ongoing. In which case, good and hope it continues to help. It's not my personal cup of tea where counselling is concerned, but I know its often all thats on offer and also know it can be hugely helpful in some situations. xx

scoobdoob Fri 02-Jan-15 20:26:33

Hi.
Thanks for your lovely post. Sorry you had to go through something awful.
CBT is not ongoing. It was all that was offered after a "debrief" with the hospital. This was to help me understand what happened but all they seemed to want to know was I going to complain!

It is hard but is getting better and I think I just think this is me now.

Tinker31 Fri 02-Jan-15 20:30:17

It is a major decision scoobdoob having surgery and especially when things have gone wrong in the past. I understand completely how you feel. I been sat here for the past few hours wondering weather to call the helpline. If my chest hurts or my heart beats quicker than usual or I get leg or arm pain I worry like crazy. I do hope you can get to the bottom of what is happening an even though it is not a great consellation (can't spell that) to you I do know what you are going through.

Hi Elibean sorry to hear that you was also in the same situation but then it is comforting knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen the GP councillor once an I do intend to talk to her about my fears. I think people think that when something so big has happened to your body that you get better an everything is ok, but that isn't the case. It is also mentally draining. But thank you , my kids are my life an now I will do everything an anything to keep safe , even if it means unnecessary trips to the hospital. I would rather be safe than sorry. xx

scoobdoob Sat 03-Jan-15 08:10:14

Hi Tinker
How are you feeling today?

Tinker31 Sat 03-Jan-15 20:36:21

Hi scoobdoob I have been feeling ok today thank you. I had a bit of a rapid heart beat earlier an was a bit worried but I have taken some aspirin though an I do have an appointment Monday so plan on getting a good check over.

thank you for asking, how are you feeling?

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