ADD in adults

[Mabelface]

I've been some research and I've realised that my DH fits the profile of someone with ADD in many, many ways. Was wondering if it was actually worth him getting an official diagnosis, and if so, what help is available out there?

[pinkfrocks]

why would an official diagnosis help him? would he use it at work to explain his behaviour or performance?
Most adults manage to cope once they acknowledge their condition by using various time management strategies etc.

why not contact or ask some of the charities especially for ADD/ADHD like ADDERS?

[Mabelface]

Chatting to him, it would mean that he's got a valid explanation as to why he finds life and work so bloody hard. He beats himself up a lot about his procrastination and lack of organisation amongst other things and calls himself crap. He's self employed as he finds it too difficult to work for others. We will contact ADDERS, thank you. :)

[TwoLeftSocks]

The ADDitude website is quite useful. It's American but has a lot of useful tips for both adults and children, and I'm sure I've seen helpful tips for workplaces.

[Mabelface]

Thanks both. Some good reading up to do.

[MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday]

There is no help out there, unless you mean medication, and it would be highly unusual for a previously undiagnosed adult to be given ADD medication. Reading up for self management tips is a good idea, and an official diagnosis might help your DH to understand how his brain works differently... but it does not give him an 'excuse' for his procrastination!!

I am married to an adult ADHD-er and my DD1 is an adult ADHD-er, diagnosed as a child, medicated and still medicated as an adult (comes under the mental health services). Both need exercising constantly like large puppies, and it really helps them both .. helps calm the whirring non stop brains. DH is a cyclist and DD1 a gym nut Without their exercise both find it hard to settle, can't focus etc.

However they have never been able to say 'oh this is how I am I can't help it' It's been a case of.. 'yes this is how you are, now find strategies to manage better' .. organisation? I do DH's, DD1 lives by her tablet diary. They can both show (and this is common for ADD/HD) perfect focus... if it interests them enough, they just don't apply any to the mundane stuff.

DD1 became obsessed with bodies as a small child... she's now 22 and in her final year of medicine, despite being a very inattentive and hyperactive child and teen (even at A level her chemistry teacher once shut her in a cupboard for 5 mins to give himself a break!!!) She is as diagnosed as they come, and yes needs meds too, but she knows she HAS to figure ways to manage.. it's all about wanting to.

There is little actual support for adults, and I think it would be difficult to get accomodations under the DDA at work to be honest.

[Mabelface]

Not looking for accommodations. The main thing is that DH can now realise that he's not shit at everything and the help we're looking for is coping skills tailored to how his brain works, rather than just thinking "get more organised, for fuck's sake". Not using anything as an excuse either - his procrastination stems from anxiety about a task. He's had CBT before for anxiety and depression and we'll see if he can have a refresher with ADD in mind if the GP thinks that it'll be useful. It'll also mean that I won't get quite so frustrated by him.

[MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday]

LOL I have 'get more oraganised ffs' moments too... I empathise!

DD1 also suffers from anxiety and depression (and had anorexia).. one thing that has helped is medication for that, so if he isn't receiving support there it is definitely worth seeking a fresh assessment... DD1 is on fluoxetine and it has made a BIG difference in helping dampen down the cycle of anxiety..oh hell can't manage all this.. give up.. depression.. manic attempt to rectify things..
It's not a perfect solution by any means but it does help.

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

Bit late to the party but just wondering if your OH did decide to go for diagnosis. I suspect that I have adult ADD but am a bit of a medicine avoider. Wondering what other benefits he found if he had a diagnosis

[Branleuse]

im pretty sure i have add. There is no help for adults in the uk, only for children.

I recommend high dose omega 3 supplements, although im shit at remembeing to take them, but theyve really made a diff in the past, esp if taken regularly.
Exercise too, but also knowing your weaknesses.
Lists. Short bursts of things. Realising that being desperate to do a million things needs to be ignored, and not indulged sometimes. (easier said than done)
Theres all sorts of strategies i try and use, but its still hard. I have about a 1 min attention span

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

But don't you think "I think I have ADD" sounds neurotic / Doctor-shopperish, but with a diagnosis, if it ever comes up, "I HAVE ADD" makes you sound marginally less nutty?

I'm not looking for a label I can "blame" my actions on, however if I really do have this, it's a big part of me, and people do notice I'm a bit different. If I could explain what it is and what I need to do to work around it I wonder if people may be a little more understanding about my wierdness while I try and work around it (such as speaking over people etc)

??

[Alabamarama]

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, in the UK, in my 40s. There's growing awareness of undiagnosed ADHD in adults, particularly in women. I posted a link on another thread to a diagnostic questionnaire that you may find is a useful starting point if you think you might have the condition.

Since being prescribed medication, my life has changed dramatically for the better. I really can't stress enough that you should seek a consultation with a specialist and find out for sure.

No amount of planners, diaries, lists, reminders or good intentions worked for me, and I gave myself a very hard time about not being able to do what everyone else seemed to find so simple. I see so many threads where OPs look for advice on being more organised, managing time better, getting housework done, and they're describing me, before I was diagnosed. The OPs are always given well intentioned advice about getting up earlier, writing lists, doing meal plans, etc.., which they have invariably tried before and failed at maintaining. These things on their own don't help if you have ADHD, they just seem like more things to remember to do (and then feel bad for not doing).

Self assessment test here

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

Yeah "they just seem like more things to remember to do (and then feel bad for not doing)"

I start diaries, but don't keep them up dated or don't check them or else they end up a mess!

I think a lot of my relationship problems with my mum come from her not accepting my ADD "ways" (a diagnosis won't help that though, it's beyond repair) I was constantly frustrated by her trying to make me use study planners (just another distraction that I wouldn't actually apply to anything), buying me "family planners", trying to make me do my homework at a table rather than on the floor where I could kick my legs and stretch out etc etc..

She gets angry with me because I'm like my dad, but I wonder if he had ADD too? If he did he was much more "functional" than I am though

[Alabamarama]

smellysocks Where in the UK are you?

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

In that test linked I scored on all of them except: "How often do you feel overly active and compelled to do things, like you were driven by a motor"
Which is why I never in a million years thought of ADHD in relation to myself as I'm pretty lazy, was only when I was reading about it for work that I suddenly realised it was me! I never knew about all the non hyperactive stuff. My MIND is certainly hyperactive, but my body not so much. I do find that I NEED exercise though, it is essential to my functioning on a normal level. But I am generally quite lazy

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

not sure I want to say where I am, I couldn't figure out how to name change so not sure how much other identifiable info there is with this username on here already and want this to stay as anon as poss

[Alabamarama]

When I first saw a specialist for this, I thought I may have had ADD because I'm not outwardly hyperactive either, but my mind was never calm, I always felt like I'd a hundred things all jumbled up in my head and I'd start things and never finish them. The doctor said it was definitely ADHD and since starting on medication, I feel much more relaxed and calm.

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

What are the side effects of medication though - I don't like the thought of it

I do probably need it though, I really struggle socially, and I think DD suffers as a result as I struggle to maintain playdate relationships with other mums. I can HEAR myself being annoying but can't stop it, it's like an out of body experience, I talk over people, I bang ON AND ON about stuff, I can't bite my tongue :-(

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

I do have thyroid issues too which I think could cloud a diagnosis maybe, but the thyroid stuff depends on levels, the ADD stuff has always been there.

I'm hard to like. None of my friends liked me at first. They're all people who were forced to get to know me through working toghether or house sharing who then got to know me well enough to see past the annoyingness

[Alabamarama]

The only side effects I experienced were decreased appetite (I lost about 7kg in a year or so), and feeling thirsty quite often, but drinking more water sorts that out. The benefits far outweighed both of these minor things.

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

I guess I feel that so much of what I do/who I am seems to be (negative) ADHD traits, that I'm wondering what would be left if I was medicated :-(

[Alabamarama]

You could always try it and see how you feel. All I can say is that as soon as I started on the medication, the fog cleared and I immediately became capable of doing all the things that had been so hard for me but simple to everyone else. I stopped beating myself up, and more importantly, stopped letting others (DH in particular) criticise my slovenly ways unchallenged. Unmedicated, I was a mess, chronic procrastinator, untidy, disorganized and always, always late. I'm not perfect but everything is just so much easier now.

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

I am booked in to see a GP tomorrow (yeah we are lucky with our surgery). But with a doc I don't know so a bit uncomfortable about that. Any tips for initial appointments?

[summer111]

I work in adult mental health and we receive quite regular referrals by GP's for adults who suspect an ADHD diagnosis. We ask them to complete screening questionnaires and if indicated, will offer a full ADHD assessment with a psychiatrist. They can prescribe medication to help with symptoms. The Equality Act replaced the DDA in 2010 and yes, an employer can provide reasonable workplace adjustments for an employee with ADHD - I have supported a client who works for a high street bank in negotiating these.