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Will this ever change?

(9 Posts)
wonderwoman21 Sun 23-Nov-14 09:58:10

I am a long term sufferer of anxiety, IBS and now I have adrenal fatigue syndrome. I wake up feeling like an old woman; tired, achy, run down. This leads to further anxiety, so a vicious circle ensures.
I also feeling somewhat depressed. My partner snores so I never get a good night’s sleep anyway. We have tried absolutely every snoring cure on the market, but nothing works. His snoring is so loud, nothing can block it out but being in a different room. He doesn’t like that. I don’t like that.
Plus, he gets up for work at 5.30am during the week. Being a light sleeper, I get up with him. During the week, he doesn’t seem to snore as much, though I can still be disturbed. I end up feeling resentful of him because of having to get up so early when his job is so easy, when he is at work, as a computer analyst, he is able to quite simply not work! He researches on the internet, often sending me links to things. He hardly works hard. He can go on youtube, send emails, you name it. And all for getting up at bloody half five in the morning!
I can’t stay in the bed because he needs the room to get ready and can’t seem to change his routine. He has been doing it for years. He is used to this. Often we go to bed between half ten and eleven during the week.
At the weekend, he will sleep in while I still wake at a normal, often early hour. He drinks at the weekend, making the snoring worse.
And so much of the time is missed at the weekend from him sleeping in.
I am tired of being tired and trying to find a solution to all of this. I would have to go to bed at nine am to get eight hours sleep and feel almost resentful that I would need to do that! And then there is no guarantee of a good night’s sleep.
I have been with him for over a year and have seen my health decline in that time.
I have researched and worked out a good healthy regime for myself to get myself feeling better, including more nutritious food, water, meditation, vitamins and exercise, positive thinking that I want to now implement and am determined to but I have no energy to go to the gym where I am a member. I haven’t been able to go for three weeks.
I am 44 going on 64!
Any suggestions please would be really appreciated :-)

Stealthpolarbear Sun 23-Nov-14 10:04:32

I think after only a year is it worth staying with him?
I was going to recommend separate rooms but is it all worth it

wonderwoman21 Sun 23-Nov-14 10:10:03

Thanks Stealthpolarbear for your answer. He is a wonderful, loving and affectionate man and I love him with all my heart. He is all I have dreamed about meeting, especially after so many abusive relationships. So I don't want to leave him because of how much we love each other. However, it is hard to live this way.

Stealthpolarbear Sun 23-Nov-14 10:11:41

Sorry if I was harsh then. IT just sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible.
Would separate rooms help?

TywysogesGymraeg Sun 23-Nov-14 10:12:08

I'd suggest separate rooms, even if only for a couple of nights a week.
Could your DP leave his stuff downstairs or in another room before he goes to bed, so he can get ready in the mornings elsewhere and disturb you less?
But ultimately, I think you need to review whether you're lifestyles will ever be compatible, and if the answer is no, have a think about whether the cost of being I'll and run down is worth bearing if you stay together

TywysogesGymraeg Sun 23-Nov-14 10:13:13

*ill not I'll

Matildathecat Sun 23-Nov-14 11:31:55

You seem to be closing the door on any ideas that might help. You could try sleeping apart a few nights a week. Try not getting up at 5.30, insist he gets ready in another room, go to bed alone early a couple of times a week.

There doesn't seem much point doing all the diet and vitamins stuff if you still aren't getting adequate sleep.

Good luck, being sleep deprived is grim.

goingmadinthecountry Sun 23-Nov-14 12:20:25

I sleep in a separate room a couple of nights a week at least. It makes a huge difference to my well-being. I also resort to Boots Sleep-eaze to keep me asleep if we are in a hotel or anything.
I agree with getting him to get ready for work somewhere else - hang up clothes in bathroom/spare room the night before?
I know a few people who have been to see the doctor about snoring and got medication there that has helped.

wonderwoman21 Sun 23-Nov-14 13:19:32

Thank you, this has been really helpful. I think just going to bed early will have the benefits even though it may not be easy at first, will be worth it in the long run and sleeping separately if need be. I am going to make sure he sees the doctor though too. Thank you again :-)

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