Whats a 'reasonable' amount of sex

[riab]

What do you all think a reasonable amount of sex (ie number of times) to be having with an 18mo who still isn't sleeping through the night. (so i'm shattered)

And sorry for being personal but how long does an average 'session' last for you?

[ScareyCaligulaCorday]

Reasonable is what both parties are happy with.

[HuwEdwards]

oh god, at that stage, about once every 3 months and can't remember how long it lasted for, was usually asleep by the end

[riab]

so what were/are you happy with and what was/is he happy with?

[trinity2]

We were likely to have sex every 3 months, we were just too tried, and it took me ages to lose all the post-baby weight, so I really didn't feel sexy at all. We did talk about it alot though, as I was always worried he was frustrated, but was just as tried and stressed as me and we things just change when you have a baby.

[auntymandy]

everytime the baby was asleep!!!

[expatinscotland]

Now that my hormones are back on track, every other day whilst not ovulating.

Ovulating . . . watch out!

[moaningpaper]

expat I'm SHOCKED

I thought you had sworn off sex forever

[riab]

aunymandy - seriuosly?

dear god when baby is asleep my priorities are:
1: get the bottles ready for next lot of feeds and/or clean highchair, put washing on etc so he has clean clothes and sterilised milk
2: eat/drink my own food
3: catch up on sleep myself

we're on about once a month, DH would prefer twice a week, (prepregnancy norm). i'd be appy with once a week but have absolutly NO sex drive.

[smoggie]

riab - in the same boat re: 18 month not always sleeing through and 3.5yo who occasionally gets up. Just can't seem to summon up the energy AT ALL, Think the last time was 3 months ago . We keep meaning to kick start things again but have just been too nackered. tbh I just don't feel 'in the mood' very often either which doesn't help.

[riab]

How do those of you who are 'in the mood' feel like that if you know that in 5 hrs time or less you may be getting up again in the dark and cold?

I just want to get to bed as soon as possible for as long as possible to sleep, nothing else!

[nulnulcat]

its whatever you like i think but personally i had split with dd dad when preg and had met a new partner so it was definately the honeymoon phase and as soon as i could we were at it like rabbits!

all my new curvy bits made me feel sexy so we made the most of it. dd still doesnt sleep through so there was no way i was giving up sex for 3 years!! i like it every day apart from a few days a month but still manage to have fun then.

[auntymandy]

men do feel left out when baby comes along, just like toddlers do!!! So you need to remember to make them special. Domt always blame the baby!!!

[Heartmum2Jamie]

My youngest is now 2 and although we finally got around to it last month, before that was probably March. I did feel bad that dh was missing out, but half the time he was as uninterested as me (who has zilch sex drive, lol!) It doesn't say alot about our marriage does it? We have talked about trying to get back to some kind of normallity and agree to try once a month first and then work up to a couple of times before weekly etc. We have never been daily people, lol

[UlySCREAMS]

Use it or lose it is my motto. Once you get into making time to do it you'll start to feel desirable again. How many other kids do you have riab? Can you not surprise him with a bj when he isn't expecting it? Men love this and he'll feel wanted. Depends on whether you enjoy it though?

Like has been said I bet he's loving your curves.

[riab]

nope, no curves and he doesn't like am anyway!

he prefers me slim and boyish and so none of the pregnancy stuff worked for him or me.

I am just so knackered and the idea of vigerous sex for an hour is something to dread for me when I am so knackered I can hardly move and my back is in agony after holding a tired but cross toddler for hours.

[riab]

Sorry - feeling crap, very worried our relationship might be ending cos of this.

[UlySCREAMS]

if you're getting that worried then go to Relate.

[mum2monkeys]

Now have as much as possible, whenever we both can - not always as energetic as it used to be, but worth the effort. When too tired we do try to make sure the other knows we still fancy them ie one says - 'still fancy you, you know that don't you?'
other says - 'yeah me too, just too f#'*ing tired'
both laugh then say we'll just think about it tonight then?!
To that I usually respond well in that case we'll do it x way!

After my DD was born we did find it hard, and harder to talk about - talk is the best thing though and maintaining other forms of affection without feeling like it has to go anywhere.... Know it's difficult but try not to worry too much, and do you really need to still be sterilising everything at 18mths - probably get shouted down on this one but think you might be ok to cut back on stuff like that now my DD is 17mths and haven't sterilised anything for her since I stopped b/fing at 7mths - did rinse everything with boiling water up to a year but now just do her stuff with all the washing up.

How many times does you lo wake up during the night? Any other reasons why you might be tired? Hormones, pnd, lack of iron etc?

[riab]

Ds can wake anywhere form once to 5 times a night (the five times a night thing is only once a week)

Up until a month ago I was working 22 hrs, studying 16 hrs and had 30hrs childcare to cover those, then for a month I was studying with only 4hrs childcare/week to get my dissertation done in.

this is only the second week since he was born that i havn't been working or studying or both!

PMT is crappy too, i get really emotional and tired for a week beforehand. (just came on so realised why i passed out on the carpet on thursday)