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I need to get back to booze being a sometimes thing and not an everyday habit .

(42 Posts)
HowLongTillBedtime Tue 02-Sep-14 13:32:42

I don't think I am kidding myself but I don't want to stop forever , I don't drink till plastered ( generally, I am not saying it has never happened) .
But my habit I to have a drink every night when cooking , normally two large vodkas or two bottles of beer .
I do then drink more a couple of times a week , visitors or pub .
I want to get out of the daily habit and just go back to it being an option at a special occasion and not a necessity because a friend has popped round on a Tues eve , or sun lunch or a hundred other reasons .

Any advice welcome or company would be good too .

I didn't have a drink yesterday which is normal, I do tend to have one night a week off . The plan I to make today another day off and see where I go from here .

HowLongTillBedtime Tue 02-Sep-14 14:44:50

I can't be the only one out there that wants to cut down , I looked at the brave babes and dry threads but they are stopping forever and I don't think that's what I need .

Sylvana Tue 02-Sep-14 18:29:28

OP, I'm like you smile. A glass of wine making the evening meal after getting home from work - bliss. This would be followed by 2 glasses with dinner. Not every night but typically Wed, Thurs, Friday, Sat and Sunday. I know I had a problem when I started craving it Mon and Tuesday too. I hated drinking during the week because I didn't sleep well and then struggled to get up for work. I also hated my DC seeing me with a glass of wine at every meal - mine are mid teens, so impressionable. I'm attending counselling at the moment. I have cut down to 2-3 nights at the weekend. It's hard but I have to keep going. I keep telling myself, I can't have any tonight, I can have it at the weekend. I also keep telling myself alcohol should be a treat, not an every day event! What I got from counselling so far is this. You should never reach for alcohol/food when feeling any emotion (stress, depression, sadness, anger). I also have food issues so tend to reach for wine/sugar/chocolate to relieve stress. The substance will relieve the emotion (stress in my case) but only temporarily. It you habitually do this you are creating a bad relationship with alcohol/food or your substance of choice. It's early days for me .... I'm still struggling but getting there slowly. I wish you luck. I hope some of this helps you.

HowLongTillBedtime Tue 02-Sep-14 19:33:06

Thank you sylvana , I thought I was the only one that struggled with this for a while there.

I also use food to cheer myself up so I know I need to deal with that as well .

But for today I am just not having a drink tonight , it is a huge waste of money apart from anything else .
I managed to stop smoking nearly two years ago so this should be a breeze in comparison.

Thanks again for replying , a lot of what you say resonates with me .

Sylvana Tue 02-Sep-14 23:11:44

I'm normally shattered when I get home from work in the evenings. I definitely used alcohol to give me a "lift". Now I have a coffee and a yogurt instead. If I'm really tired I will have a nap for 40 mins before I start making dinner.

I know it's cliche but its good to find a hobby or something you like doing in the evenings to keep busy. I took up pilates a month ago and I love it. I'm exercising regularly for the first time in years and it's also helping with my stress levels. I feel energised after the classes.

I needed a lifestyle change to get my mind focused on something else. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic, I don't think I am, but I was heading in that direction if I didn't make a drastic change in my lifestyle. I definitely had a growing dependency on alcohol and that worried me.

My counsellor told me to feel the emotion when I get a craving. He told me not to use alcohol or food to dampen down feelings but to experience them. I had a shit day at work last Thursday and it took all my strength not to crack open a bottle of wine when I got home. I was proud of myself for not caving in. Each week is getting easier smile

HowLongTillBedtime Wed 03-Sep-14 08:38:35

I am normally ok if I get past cooking dinner time and chatting to a friend on the phone time . These are both triggers for me and I know it is just a pointless habit . I suppose it is the sign that the hard work is over for the day and I can now relax .Last night I had a couple of glasses of posh cordial instead and felt quite proud of myself .

My dh drinks similarly to me and I know that if I cut down a lot I will end up being grumpy with him about his drinking . Any ideas on how to not ? He doesn't drink loads , his an awful lot fitter than me , would think nothing of going for a six mile run and works 13 hour days .

Anyway today is another day that I intend not to drink .

HowLongTillBedtime Wed 03-Sep-14 08:43:04

The hobby thing makes sense , I waste a lot of time just sitting with a glass in my hand . I joined a gym last year and I do try and go but its a bit hit and miss . Would be good to get into that a lot more . I also need to lose weight and the booze obviously never helps . Apart from the calories it has , it also ruins my willpower while I am drinking and if I have one too many then it can ruin the next days willpower too . Nobody ever fancied salad with a hangover blush

Sylvana Wed 03-Sep-14 18:36:17

Yes, the weight is a major motivation for me too. It's pointless counting calories all day and then drinking 600 calories worth of wine at night. It's no wonder I can't lose weight. Plan what nights you want to drink and stick to that. Plan something else for your alcohol free nights - exercise is a great option because it increases serotonin, helps with weight loss and makes you want to become more healthy and less likely to abuse your body. It must be an exercise that you enjoy though, otherwise it will feel like a chore and you will give up before long. Plus if you are out of the house you can't see your DH enjoying the alcohol!

SaltyGoodness Wed 03-Sep-14 19:04:20

Your story sounds very similar to mine. There's no magic solution, in the end I had just had to tell myself drinking is only for the weekend and just stick to it. For me, having DC has made it easier. As well as wanting to set a good example, I simply can't function effectively as a parent if I'm drinking wine every night.

I set goals of wanting to look good for big events - family getogethers, big birthdays, etc and the simple fact is there's, no way to lose the bloating in my face and the extra kilograms round my middle unless I cut right down. My face tells, always! I can't keep motivated forever and I do slip a bit afterwards, but when I found myself having a glass of wine again on a weeknight for no reason then it's time to harden up and get disciplined.

Hope this helps! Really, it is just willpower! I too found stopping smoking easy - did it with champix + the with the Alan Carr book - but that approach doesn't appeal with drinking as it's very '100% abstinence' which I don't want. Am happy with just keeping it to moderate drinking on weekends.

HowLongTillBedtime Wed 03-Sep-14 19:05:13

I feel like pavlovs dog , it got to half five and I was in the kitchen and started cooking and then just kept thinking about having a drink . I am not going to have one but it is annoying me how much of a pattern I have got myself into .

Well done Sylvana by the way , it sounds like you are doing well on it .

My plan at the minute is to not have a drink tomorrow but I might have one on Fri and we are at a friends for dinner sat so will have something then . But I am determined to only have a couple .

RoseTheHat Wed 03-Sep-14 19:54:42

Good luck OP..I am in the same's crept up on me over the summer...annoying because i can't shift this last half stone of baby weight and i kbow i sleep much better with no booze..but it's SUCH a temptation come asleep yay wine!!
Starting 5:2 diet tomrrow - first fast day - 500 calories only plus no booze or caffeine - eek! the only scary bit for me is the idea of not drinking which is v worrying (alcoholism runs in family sad )

HowLongTillBedtime Wed 03-Sep-14 20:18:56

Sorry Sally x posted and didn't notice . The face thing rings true for me as well .

I suppose if I can get into one pattern / habit so easily then getting into a different one should be do able .

Good luck for tomorrow Rose , the 5:2 sounds a bit brutal for me but a lot of people have had really good results.

HowLongTillBedtime Fri 05-Sep-14 07:29:23

Well I have not had a drink since Sunday , sadly I cant remember the last time I went four days in a row without. And I was out at a friends last night for a catch up , normally that would have been the perfect reason / excuse to crack open the wine .

I hope everyone else is dong well too .

HowLongTillBedtime Fri 05-Sep-14 07:35:36

Well I have not had a drink since Sunday , sadly I cant remember the last time I went four days in a row without. And I was out at a friends last night for a catch up , normally that would have been the perfect reason / excuse to crack open the wine .

I hope everyone else is dong well too .

Comito Fri 05-Sep-14 09:56:30

HowLong, I'm in exactly the same position. I don't want to give up entirely but I've got in the habit of drinking every night. I've also been trying to get back into gymming but having a mild hangover every day means I often end up not going. It would be great to be able to have just one glass of wine but I never can and one glass turns into a bottle. On Monday I was all set to not drink this week, but then DH turned up with a bottle of wine after a stressful day and now it's Friday and I've drunk every night again. Sigh.

I also read the Brave Babes thread and while I think the posters on there have achieved something amazing for themselves, I don't think AA and giving up entirely is for me.

HowLongTillBedtime Fri 05-Sep-14 13:32:46

Comito , I know the feeling well , it is the "any excuse for a couple" that I need to get rid of . I don't get roaring drunk or anything but I do drink far more than I should .
I just don't want it to be the norm but I still want to be able to enjoy the odd night with friends having a couple x

mumblechum1 Fri 05-Sep-14 14:29:06

We're also cutting out wine on weekday evenings, having got into a bad habit as we're just back from a month long holiday where it was wine with everything.

My top tip is Scrabble; we have a game most nights now and are so into it we just forget to have a drink. If we were sitting watching tv we'd automatically be sipping wine and nibbling crap without thinking.

HowLongTillBedtime Fri 05-Sep-14 15:56:21

Now weirdly scrabble to me means wine and fags , says more about me than it should blush In the olden days of not caring about health and money and boring stuff , a friend and I would sit up getting pissed and smoke and put the world to rights over scrabble and risk .
Good times .

Twotallladies Fri 05-Sep-14 16:17:07

See, what worked for me is having smaller and smaller glasses. I obsess too much about wine/food if I tell myself I "can't" have something. I am now down to a sherry glass for wine--just the one. It holds approx 100 mls when full to the brim. For me, it's enough.

BTW, I do think we have all gone through a major cultural shift to get to the point today where alcohol is so readily accessible/ affordable.

AnotherFurry Fri 05-Sep-14 16:23:35

Even though it is not what I would call a great taste I bought myself some bottles of alcohol free wine for in the week. This gives me the illusion of having a glass of wine but with obvious health benefits. I save the alcohol and much better tasting wine for the weekends grin

Nancery Fri 05-Sep-14 16:38:16

Oh my god, kindred spirits!
I've been wondering about this a lot. Am embarrassed to say that I drink most nights. Once DS is asleep it's like my cut off from being a parent and while I often have it as a spritzer I still end up comsuming half a bottle, sometimes more at a weekend blush
I am putting on weight which is probably largely due to alcohol, and if I do get pissed I feel really bad both physically and mentally the next day. At parties, admittedly rarely, I almost always have too much to drink and have subsequent blackouts.
Me and DH have tried, and failed, no not drink during the week / make it occassional but not really managed. Thing is, we don't get drunk per se so it's easier to kid myself it's not that big a deal.

God, that all looks even worse written down.


HowLongTillBedtime Fri 05-Sep-14 16:59:58

Nancery that is what I always think as well .If I am not getting pissed then its fine but I know that drinking every day just cant be a good thing .
Like you say it is the cut off point from being mum all day .

HowLongTillBedtime Fri 05-Sep-14 17:04:35

Another , does the alcohol free stuff taste like wine ? I think that might just annoy me more .

Tootall , I do tend to have a long tall glass with a vodka and diet coke but once I have one I then want another one . I only have two or three but its still too much .

So I everyone going to give it a go next week ?

Nancery Fri 05-Sep-14 18:35:52

I am SO glad to have seen this thread! Thing is, a lot of people I know drink like I do so it's not like I especially stand out, but I know it's far too much. Last night a friend looked like she was threatening suicide (long story; she's not but is seriously ill and depressed). I was on the phone with her former partner, it was all very fraught, so what did I manage to do at the same time? Finish the wine. It's kind of stress, but like cigarettes (I don't smoke now, stopped 2001) it doesn't actually alleviate it.
Next week is my 40th, I think I might be better aiming for two clear days and then starting afresh the week after (birthday is Thursday, have big weekend planned too) so I'm not open to more temptation than usual and therefore fail immediately!

AnotherFurry Fri 05-Sep-14 20:54:51

HowLongTillBedtime I like to drink cava so chose the non alcoholic rose wine which is quite sweet tasting. Ummm tbh you know it isn't wine but it's the closest thing to it and there is only so much tea/squash/fizzy drinks I can stomach instead.

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