Scared about diagnosis

[3littlerabbits]

my mum has a bad cough. She has had an xray, cat scan and a bronchoscopy. I have googled persistent cough and it looks like this set od tests are done in order to diagnose lung cancer. She is going to meet the doctor tomorrow to discuss test results. Its going to be lung cancer isnt it?

[SunGate]

So sorry OP - try to see it another way if at all possible which is that the tests are there to rule out cancer too.

Keeping everything crossed for you and your lovely mum xxxx

[3littlerabbits]

thanks sun. i am trying to think that way but it seems that these are the steps to a lung cancer diagnosis. I cant bear it. maybe it wont be. i
am praying so hard.

[TelephoneTree]

What were her results? Are you ok> Is she ok?

[3littlerabbits]

It is lung cancer. They cant operate. They think it is in her bones. She might be able to have chemotherapy. There is a large tumour. She has never smoked or drank in her life. SHe is only 60. It could not be worse really. I have phoned the Macmillian helpline to have sme more information. They said wait and see what the one tests next week say and what type of cancer it is - small or non small cell. My parents say the doctor said there is no cure, just treatment and no long term possibility.

[3littlerabbits]

Thanks for asking by the way. I am very sorry that I couldnt post that it was all ok.

[Slh122]

3littlerabbits I'm so sorry :(
Macmillan are really great - my mum used them a lot after her father's lung cancer diagnosis. Xxx

[waterlego6064]

Oh, I'm so very sorry to read this. It's is so very, very hard to come to terms with a diagnosis like this.

I was where you are this last time last year with my dear Mum who had stomach cancer. This was followed in August by my Dad's very sudden illness and death. Mum died in October. Both of them were in their mid-60s, and had been very healthy, active, clean-living people. It made no sense. It still doesn't.

I'm so sorry to hear that there is going to be no treatment for your mum. My mum had treatment (with the sole aim of prolonging her life- but I'm not sure there's much evidence from the medical community that there is any significant gain in life expectancy in such cases), and actually, having the chemo was at the expense of quality of life, I suspect. It was utterly awful and put mum in hospital, almost starving to death. Dad didn't have treatment though. He had multiple, fast-spreading tumours in his brain and there was no option for treatment at all.

I'm sorry, I wanted to post here to offer you support because my heart hurts for you, but instead I seem to have waffled on about my own family.

I have no good advice for you at this stage, other than just to be very gentle with yourself. Do you have a partner? Any siblings? How are your mum and dad feeling?

I wish I could say or do something to help but I know I can't and it's just the shittest thing. Sending un-MNy virtual hugs to you.

[3littlerabbits]

I am so sorry for what you have been through losing your parents waterlego. It is so awful and unfair. I am sitting at my laptop just looking at random stuff. My husband is here but I cant seem to speak at all. Typing is good.

[mrsblakey]

Sending lots of hugs to you.
I lost both my parents to cancer too so can relate to experiences.
I echo the advice be gentle on yourself the next few days will be like walking in treacle but you will eventually clear your head & coping will kick in.
Macmillan nurses were brilliant & a great support mechanism so please go in that direction when you can.
Its ok to be angry & you may start taking it out on others I know I did.
Looking further down the line bereavement counselling is something which can also help loads.
You aren't alone in all this so don't be reluctant to seek out support for you & your family.
Wishing you lots of strength xxxx

[waterlego6064]

You'll be in shock for a while, I'm sure- 'can't seem to speak' sounds very familiar. Glad you're not on your own though. If typing is good, then go with it :)

It's a very tough thing for a family to go through, I do feel for you so much for the road ahead. I expect you will find reserves of strength you never knew you had- I know I have.

Do you live near your parents?

[Marn1e]

I'm sorry to read this. It's such a shock isn't it?

My dad was diagnosed with advanced kidney cancer almost three years ago. It's in lots of different places and there is no cure and no treatment even.

Right now he is out and about on a driving holiday and is fit and well in general . Defying all those odds. Yes he's terminally ill but please don't assume that there is no 'future' because that may not be the case. Yes, it might not be a future of 30 years plus but it's also not necessarily an immediate death sentence

I know how it feels initially though and it's just an awful empty, crushing feeling. Give yourself time to adapt and come to terms with it. It'll take time but I promise it will happen

[3littlerabbits]

Thats fantastic Marn1e. I hope he has an amazing holiday. It is possible to defy the odds, I needed that bit of hope so thank you. I cant eat a thing but I imagine my appetite wont be gone for long so not going to force myself. Would you believe that mst of my thoughts (when my mind is not blank) are about my children needing their grandmother and her needing to see them growing up. I think that is what is on her mind also. This is SO FUCKING SHIT.

[3littlerabbits]

Sorry for the swearing, I had to.

[waterlego6064]

Yes indeed, swear away.

Like you, I lost my appetite after 'the news', but like you say, it didn't last long.

Marn1e, I'm so pleased that your Dad is doing so well.

I know a chap in his late 60s who had an advanced stomach cancer diagnosis 8 years ago. He's had surgery and various treatments but has managed to fit in a lot of 'normal life' around it, and has been abroad several times.

[RufflingFeathers]

So sorry for you, 3littlerabbits. What a horrible day. It just doesn't seem fair, does it.

[3littlerabbits]

Thanks waterlego, I didnt want to offend anybody! I have ordered a couple of books off amazon, spoken to mcmillan, googled for as much information as I can. What else can I do? I live too far away to visit today and mum says she doesnt want us to make the journey right now. I think she is probably trying to process this herself with my dad. She must be absolutely terrified :(

[furlinedsheepskinjacket]

we have experience of this in our family.its awful.so sorry.sending best wishes.

[Marn1e]

do try and stay positive. it's a horrible thing to accept that this will now be part of your life. I've no idea how I've done it actually! my dad was diagnosed literally months after my mum went into remission. it's.scary and horrible and you feel alone

you're not alone though. get through the next tests and then you're onto what they can do and believe me there is always something! be it chemo, painkillers, making her comfortable.. there will be something. and then life will continue. one way or another

get another month or two under your belt and it will start to sink in. these first days are just terrifying but they will pass x