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Snoring ruining relationship...

(23 Posts)
Katie3530 Mon 01-Aug-16 10:30:52

Ok, so for the first 7 years of our relationship ive slept soundly with my partner, until all of a sudden it went from silent to unbearable! That was 18 months ago...
His snoring was so loud that even the neighbours commented.
We went to the doctors, they first prescribed nasel sprays, then we tried nose plugs, head straps and ear plugs, all to no avail 😢
He then lost 20lbs of his own accord and it all stopped, and things were great again, however he cut everything out of his diet and finally will power gave in and he regained the weight... So the snoring started again!

Im now sleeping in my bed with my 12 year old son, while my partner has slept in his single bed for the last 10 months which is not right. There is hardly any intimacy and im really quite fed up!
Ive tried to talk this through with him gently to lose weight again, but he clenches up and then eventually it starts a row!
Ive offered to do more exercise with him, bought smoothy makers to cut back on bread and offered to buy him a bike so he can lose weight through exercise but hes not fussed and seems to have just given up!
I know this will sound stupid, but sometimes I feel ive been mis-sold this relationship. I feel if he loved us enough he would try harder as I cant do anything more to help him? I have to say hes only a few stone over weight and the only reason I would like him to lose the pounds are for this families sanity.
Its having an impact on my Son as he wants his room back and its making me feel really distant from my partner. According to my partner this is just how it is now, and ive got to just put up with it! I feel so angry inside I want to scream!
Anyone has any ideas???

HopeClearwater Mon 28-Apr-14 23:33:08

Ookmook do you treat people even if they need to lose weight - as much as two stone?

HopeClearwater Mon 28-Apr-14 23:31:40

BreadAndJam it sounds as if you really need more sleep! I hope that you get somewhere with the ENT consultant.

BreadAndJamForFrances Sun 27-Apr-14 23:10:55

Have you tried filming/recording him? My husband had Bell's Palsy which hasn't completely cleared so his face is slightly twisted still....and so is the inside of his nose/throat. He has always snored, been a deep sleeper and asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow. I, on the other hand snore lightly, mainly when my asthma is bad and am a light sleeper who takes ages to fall asleep.
I have resorted to ear plugs, but natural wax ones Quies as I was allergic to the latex in the foam ones (blisters in the ears was not pleasant, but actually got DH to acknowledge the lengths I was going to for some sleep) and they are far more comfortable as they mould to your ear. I was worried about not hearing the children when they wake at night, but the ear plugs do not block out everything unless you make a tight seal.
I have filmed my husband to show the ENT consultant and DH is waiting for an MRI scan...the video is a six minute clip but my husband is not breathing for most of it shock He makes the bed vibrate too, and also when he starts breathing again his body jumps violently like he has had an electric shock. And he does knee jerks in his sleep right into my arse! so I have taken to sticking a pillow between us....good job we've got a king size bed.
The only time I get a good few hours is when he gets up a 4am for work a few times a month. Honestly, it was either ear plugs or a knife in his chest, because I am already sleep deprived with having to get up with the children several times a night (they have a painful joint syndrome, DS hasn't slept through for almost 10 years).

MrsPatrickDempsey Sun 27-Apr-14 21:14:59

I don't entirely agree about an ent referral not being useful. I was a dreadful snorer. Ten days ago I had my septum straightened, polyps removed and my sinuses drained. I have not snored since (according in my husband). My sleeping has obviously drastically improved as I couldn't breathe through my nose at all. There are probably more than one cause which needs investigating. My ent consultant has completely changed my life.

ookmook2014 Sun 27-Apr-14 15:33:24

Hi there,

Your partner needs to see a sleep physician and get an overnight sleep study. I'm a respiratory and sleep physician and see this kind of thing all the time. He has in all probability obstructive sleep apnoea. The sprays and strips are completely useless.

There are multiple treatments for OSA, the gold standard is CPAP - it is by the far the most effective treatment for snoring (and OSA).

If on the sleep study there is less than moderate OSA there are a couple of other treatment options and these include mandible advancement splints (these can be purchased over the internet but this is not recommended by sleep physicians) and a thing called Provent (nasal EPAP)

An ENT referral is a bit of a waste of time and if anyone mentions surgery then ignore them.

The bottom line is that your partner needs to get an appointment from his GP to see a sleep physician. I've seen a lot of marriages put under enormous strain because of this and it really is a very simple thing to treat.

Hope this helps,

Kind regards


clam Sat 01-Feb-14 20:01:16

We have a related situation, whereby I always thought I kept dh awake with snoring, but he has actually acknowledged that it's just loud breathing and that he's such a light sleeper that anything would keep him awake.
He sleeps in the spare room. I've lost count of the number of raised eyebrows I've endured over the years, but I swear it's saved our marriage. We have a cuddle wink and he nips off down the landing at lights out and returns first thing in the morning.

HopeClearwater Sat 01-Feb-14 19:53:50

Those silicone earplugs are also the best I've tried, but DH's snoring actually vibrates the entire bed sad

HopeClearwater Sat 01-Feb-14 19:52:09

harrap it's not my thread, but thank you.

harrap Sat 01-Feb-14 14:14:26

MADs do work-maybe not completely but they do make a difference- but its probably a good idea to make sure it will tackle the root cause of the snoring through some kind of sleep study before spending the money.

CMOTDibbler Sat 01-Feb-14 12:43:39

My dh has been on CPAP for 6 years now. I can say categorically that the cpap machine makes nowhere near the amount of noise that dh did. Its far less intrusive than the noise of our central heating and I don't notice it at all.

OP, you need to go with your dh to the GP and request referral to a sleep clinic (not an ENT surgeon) for an assessment of whats going on.

Booville3 Sat 01-Feb-14 07:54:47

I guess we have to think do those hours of sleep (when were unconscious really) really matter it's the time we spend together awake that's important although I know what you mean!

cakewitch Sat 01-Feb-14 00:11:28

I cannot contemplate sleeping in the same bed as DH. Hes been diagnosed with sleep apnoea, and has other complications too, with his breathing. allergies, asthma etc; and has a cpap machine. its so noisy though. i am so worried that its slowly eroding our relationship.

Willdoitinaminute Fri 31-Jan-14 23:48:16

I use silicone earplugs. They are the most effective anti snoring remedy/device I have come across. The local chemist sells boxes of 12 for £1.89. They have saved my sanity and marriage. They don't completely block out the noise but enough so that I can get to sleep and stay asleep. They are a smaller version of the swimming ear plugs so more comfortable.

Even if your DH is diagnosed with sleep apnoea the machine they have to use probably makes as much noise as they do without it. And there is insufficient evidence that the oral devices are any good.

HopeClearwater Thu 30-Jan-14 22:02:51

Booville3 my ears have had enough of ear plugs too. Besides, I need to be able to hear the kids.

HopeClearwater Thu 30-Jan-14 22:01:58

Seen so many posts like this on MN.

Same here with partner except sleep apnoea has been ruled out after investigation by sleep clinic, so haven't even got that to try and blame. He's overweight (can't / won't sort it out) despite being fed super-healthy stuff here (none of rest of family is overweight) asthmatic (vaguely controlled by inhalers, when he remembers) and we've been quoted a huge amount of money for a bespoke mandibular advancement device (correct name?) which we haven't forked out for yet.

Has anyone had any success with one of these devices?

Booville3 Wed 29-Jan-14 20:49:35

I have only today put on a similar post it is so awful I try going to bed early so I can get to sleep first but I'm anxious of dp coming to bed as I know he will wake me, I can hear him through ear plugs & to be honest the ear plugs are starting to make my ears sore it's really really awful!

At least he has started in the process of going to the gps my dp refuses says it's my fault I'm a light sleeper!!

Dawndonnaagain Wed 29-Jan-14 16:13:57

I agree, it sounds like sleep apnoea. My son had this, he uses a CPAP machine and no longer snores.

purplemurple1 Wed 29-Jan-14 14:58:34

My great mil use to sleep in a different room with ear plugs and ear defenders just to get some sleep. Personally I go down the GP route for some better help and ear plugs in the meantime.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 29-Jan-14 14:54:16

Time for more definitive action now OP, you will all need to be persistent in order to get answers.

I would return with him to the GP and state that the treatment given is simply not working. Such measures actually rarely work and do not address the root cause/s of the problem.

He needs to be referred to a sleep clinic to be assessed for sleep apnoea.
The loud breathing and sniffing too is indicative of the fact that he needs to be referred asap to an ENT specialist; he may have a problem with his septum or has enlarged tonsils or adenoids. It could be any manner of things. Whatever, it needs a proper diagnosis followed by medical treatment from a specialist in hospital. This is well beyond the GPs remit and both of you need to insist on an urgent referral. It will only get worse otherwise, doing nothing is not an option.

Germgirl Wed 29-Jan-14 14:34:16

Ear plugs. They're the only thing keeping me sane these says. DH snores like a pig.

QOD Wed 29-Jan-14 14:28:10

I sleep in the spare room for exactly this reason sad

Coffeemonster1 Wed 29-Jan-14 14:26:49

My OH's snoring is starting to ruin our relationship. I feel so distant to him, I spend every day exhausted and get anxious, dreading bedtime because I know it's the same problem...every-single-night !!! He snoring within 3 seconds of his head touching the pillow, snores in all positions, impossible to wake as he mumbles rubbish at me, starts scratching/itching his arms and chest??? apologises then starts again straight away??!! It's so loud all the time, even on the occasions I have kicked him out to the sofa, I can hear him to the point it keeps me awake through the floor boards. Even when he is awake him breathes so loudly and constantly sniffs that it drowns out the TV. He has tried the strips, sprays etc and been Gp who has given him 6 weeks of a different spray which has if anything made him louder. He then wonders why I don't go near him and get snappy with him. If he was getting as little sleep as I was he couldn't function. HELPPP sad

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