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Diagnosed with HSV1 and fiancé ditches me at xmas, devastated

(71 Posts)
cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 21:51:13

Just before xmas I noticed a couple of bumps on my bits. Initially I thought shaving rash so went to local GP who agreed and said it didn't look anything sinister. Anywho a couple of days past and they turned into sores which were painful to touch so I went embarrassingly to the local sexual health centre and had some swabs taken. blush

The doc rung me the Friday before xmas and said I had tested positive to HSV1 genitally. I was gutted. The doc said I could have had it for years and it's just laid dormant in my system and something like stress caused the outbreak. I have to admit my fiancé and I were going through a rough patch so that may have contributed but we were trying to get back on track so this really threw me.

I have cried pretty much everyday since. The day after I found out I plucked up the courage to tell my fiancé. His response was 'oh for f* sake!' and he asked me to leave!! I have had to move out and have been alone over xmas and new year as he hasn't wanted to see me and I am too ashamed to tell anyone else. He says I have cheated on him and he will never want to be near me in case he catches it! He is a little naive to be honest, but I know I have to respect his choice. I am so down about it which in turn does not do any good because I don't want another outbreak. BTW I have not been unfaithful, that is not my style at all and it really hurts that he thinks I would be unfaithful to him.

I am in touch with my fiancé but he keeps saying he will get in touch once he has read more about it?! My feeling is that if he truly loved me he would have read up on it by now. He hasn't contacted me to see how I'm feeling and I'm a bit gutted really. I have some leaflets the doc gave me which I want to give him but he says he doesn't want to see me until he's read up on it.

I'm also concerned that if he doesn't take me back I will never find anyone who wants to have babies with me ever again and will end up living on my own with 79 cats!

Sorry to go on but I am at my wits end and cannot keep googling herpes because it's driving me slightly insane. confused

Sunflower49 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:54:20

What an absolute dick!
HSV1 isn't a big deal.At all.Does he get coldsores? If so you probably caught it off him!
Even if he calms down now I would have NOTHING to do with him. You're hurt and upset and this is his reaction?Don't stay with this man honey.xx

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 21:58:30

Thank you for replying sunflower49. He says he doesn't get cold sores and is very adamant that there's nothing 'wrong' with him. It just upsets me that he can be so flippant and end a long relationship over this. It just makes me feel like our last 10 years have been a waste.

It just hurts that he won't support me in what I am finding a really difficult time.

Thank you again for replying, it's a relief that someone out there doesn't think my life is over thanks

WhatAPallava Thu 02-Jan-14 22:00:57

I agree with sunflower OP!!

I have it too!

I've only ever had 2 outbreaks - once about 6 years ago and once this summer!

I think it's quite rare to get outbreaks regularly!!

Sunflower49 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:01:00

He's an insensitive prick. I'll be about to say that if I was you I'd see the HS1 as a blessing in disguise, at least it got you rid of him.
PS start taking L-Lysine. like, now. It'll probably never bother you again xx

Sunflower49 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:03:47

Plus as they say the virus lies dormant. It's quite likely that he gave it to you even if he doesn't recall having a coldsore.
Medics estimate that somewhere between 89% and 95% of folk carry the virus.They don't test for it 'cause It's so common. You're more unusual to not have it than to have it!
and it makes you less likely to catch the plague

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:06:58

Whatapallava, really only 2 outbreaks?! That does make me feel hopeful.

I wouldn't even say the outbreak I had was bad, literally about 4/5 sores which didn't cause hardly any discomfort so I'm hoping that's a sign that any future outbreaks will be minimal.

I'm so pleased I posted on here, I was hesitant but am feeling a bit better now, thank you guys.

It's just 10 years is a long time and I feel like my clock is ticking and with the hsv1 it's going to harm my chances of finding a decent guy. Part of me still wants my fiancé as I miss him so much. Xx

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:08:31

Sunfower49 thank you for the facts, saying it like that really does make it sound quite normal really!! It's just because it's on my bits that I feel dirty about it which is how my fiancé made me feel. X

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:10:29

Sunflower49 what's the l-Lysine? X

WhatAPallava Thu 02-Jan-14 22:11:00

Yep and this last outbreak there were only 2 sores

As soon as you feel the tingling/itching go straight to the doctors, they told me the meds work best at the very first sign

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:14:12

Yeah I was actually quite sensible and went back to the docs and they gave me 2 boxes of the anti viral tablets so I can start take them at the first signs.

Because I've never had it before is it an actual tingly feeling in your bits?! I quite often suffer with thrush so that doesn't really help me either blush

Kleptronic Thu 02-Jan-14 22:15:34

You are not dirty! You have a virus, which nearly everyone's got.

If your fiancé behaves like this over something so insignificant then my dear woman you have dodged a bullet. He is not a person to be relied upon, he has shown his colours and they are all shit brown.

All power to your elbow, and I hope you feel better about everything soon. <hug>

Sunflower49 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:20:45

You were together TEN YEARS!?And he's like this?Or have I read it wrong?
l-lysine is an amino acid and immune system booster. xx

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:20:52

Kleptronic, thank you. The comment about his true colours really made me chuckle grin

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:22:45

Sunflower49, yep 10 years!!!! That's why I'm finding it difficult that he's being such a shit to me. Makes me wonder if he wanted to end it anyway and he's using this as and excuse. I tend to let me mind work overtime and over analyse things but it's just a thought I had. Despite three weeks ago him telling me how much he loved me and he's ready to start a family with me confused

VoyageDeVerity Thu 02-Jan-14 22:25:12

Dear god what an utter utter cunt.

I am so sorry. You have naff all to be ashamed about. He is unintelligent, insensitive and in time you will see how disgraceful he truly is.

Sunflower49 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:28:40

I'd be even thinking HE may have cheated and this is why this has happened!Okay I'm being a dick now but this has really angered me.
Please don't get back with him. And i've pmd youxx

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:29:51

Voyagedeverity, thank you. I know it sounds daft and you will all think I have rocks in my head but I just want a big cuddle from him. I feel like my world has fallen apart and I've got to start again which I think is going to be horrendous.

cupcakedream Thu 02-Jan-14 22:36:29

Sunflower49 I've pmed you back xxx

Sunflower49 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:36:32

& I know the virus can lie dormant but if you've been with nobody than him in the last decade, and this is your first outbreak...well draw your own conclusions It's not likely you caught it from anybody other than him is it...

AnUnearthlyChild Thu 02-Jan-14 22:39:28

Agree with the others. Sounds like you caught a virus (somehow) and dodged a bullet.

What a truly insensitive prick.

cupcakedream Mon 13-Jan-14 21:28:37

Well I thought I would post an update as you were all so kind to me recently.

I am still on my own and my fiancé only recently decided to get in touch! Because it took him so frikking long to get in touch I decided to tell him to 'do one' he's now taken to texting me daily saying how much he misses me and loves me. I'm in a real tough place because I'm trying to get over him but then he keeps messaging me and saying things like 'if you ever change you're mind I will be here.'

I spoke to him tonight and I asked him to leave me alone and he then turned on me and said I'm just giving you the chance to get back with you because you will struggle to find a bloke that wants you when you have herpes! His comment has knocked me for six and now I'm back to thinking 'shit I'm going to be alone forever'. He then text me afterward to say he was sorry and didn't mean it.

I'm so confused and this whole situation is draining me. Typing whilst crying and wish this feeling would pass. I know I'm mad but I hate the thought of him being upset.

Flopsygrowsup Mon 13-Jan-14 21:40:08

Cupcake you are worth so much more than the way he is treating you.

bonzo77 Mon 13-Jan-14 21:42:40

really, he's a cunt and you're well rid. There's nothing I've read about him that makes me think you should rush back to him. Oh, and he's wrong. If you want to meet someone else you will.

whenwillisleepagain Mon 13-Jan-14 21:43:32

I could not let this go unanswered, just saw your thread now. First of all sending you a hug. And secondly, he is now behaving worse than anyone predicted earlier in the thread - what horrible mind games and what a shit and untrue thing to say. However it's not mad of you to hate the thought of him being upset - you have been together for ages and this is all so recent and bewildering. His behaviour is going to make it even more confusing. You have been unbelievably strong what with his awful reaction and then this mindfuck stuff from him. Am sure others are typing away right now with more support

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