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I need massive handholding, please

(62 Posts)
Knittingnovice Tue 15-Oct-13 17:03:37

I have 3 beautiful children DS 5y4m, DD1 3y8m and DD2 6 months.

All I can hear at the moment is DD2 screaming at DH as he tries to force her to take a bottle, because for the 2nd time in 3 years I have been told I have cancer.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with bowel cancer, it came as a complete shock, I had a grade 4 n0 tumour removed, 6 months of chemo and thought I was all clear. All my scans had shown I was all clear.

Since having DD2 I have lost a massive amount of weight (20kg), had persistent, explosive bowel movements and experienced bloating like I have never had.

After 2 colonoscopies, 2 endoscopes & 2 CT scans I have today been told that I have inoperable peritoneal disease ( a tumour in the abdominal lining causing an ulcer in my stomach) and liver metastases. It has taken 4 months for all these investigations.

My oncologist wants to start chemo as soon as possible.

I now face a future of chemo, uncertainty and the fear that I might not live to see my children grow up.

I have not namechanged for this as I use this name on twitter and my blog.

If you recognise me, I have not told all my family yet so please do not out me.

While I have been writing this DH has brought me a distraught DD2 and she is happily feeding.

I need help to wean her onto bottles - currently I am using boots wide necked with fast flow tears and cannot really afford to spend a lot trying different bottles.

I don't know what I am asking. Just I know you are not a nest of vipers and provide the amazing support you can.

Knittingnovice Sun 20-Oct-13 16:47:13

Thank you for all the messages, DD2 is happily taking bottles from my DM at the moment so news to get her to take them from me now.

The blood transfusion was great, because I took dd2 I got a private room. But since friday I have been really itchy which resulted in a visit to out of hours last night as I am having an allergic reaction to something but don't know whether it is the blood, tramadol, cocodamol or something else.

Am mentally preparing myself for next week and 4 days of nhs. Tomorrow I will have to give dd2 her first bottle out and about.

Matildathecat Sun 20-Oct-13 11:40:13

Thinking of you and hope you are as ok as possible.

mrsblakey Fri 18-Oct-13 19:59:12

knitting just wondering how you are doing following your transfusion ?

big hugs xxxxx

FoxPass Wed 16-Oct-13 22:55:59

Oh I am so sorry you are facing this again sad what a dreadful situation.

if you feel inclined to read up a bit around diet (you mentioned dropping gluten on your blog) and how it can help against cancer - google Kris Carr, author of Crazy Sexy Cancer, and Polly Noble, author of The Cancer Journey. both women are facing cancer with grit and grace and have used diet to help themselves.and reading what they have done might help you?

offering a virtual hand to hold and a hug. I hope you are managing ok day to day whilst also trying to process the diagnosis.

anothernamechangerreally Wed 16-Oct-13 21:56:57

The offer is there knitting smile
The support on here is great but sometimes real life tea and unmumsnetty hugs are good too!

MissStrawberry Wed 16-Oct-13 21:00:38

I am so sorry you are going through this.

You sound so strong.

My children were able to take the Avent bottle with the teats that had the bumps on and then the easiflow cup from about 6months. We tried with a cup from then for fun with water and a bit of milk sometimes but carried on BF and then formula. All very gradual and they did get the hang on it. This was a few years ago though so there are probably new things to try now.

Mrsmindcontrol Wed 16-Oct-13 20:53:52

Massive amounts of love & luck from me. You & your darling children will be in my thoughts xxx

PolyesterBride Wed 16-Oct-13 20:53:10

I had to fo the same as you when I got breast cancer when DD2 was 8 months. She always refused to take a bottle and so we just tried the basic tommee tippee beakers. She took a little bit the first night, then a bit more the second and so on until she was happily having all her milk from a beaker. As your dd is 6 months, I am guessing she is starting solids so is probably having water from a beaker? So no need to get her used to two different types of drink if you just don't bother with the bottles.

It really broke my heart to have to wean her so suddenly but apart from a few screamy nights she was absolutely fine. She just seemed to forget about breast feeding after a while.

I am sorry for what you are going through. But you know that once you get on the treatment conveyer belt, the routine of all the appointments etc will take over. Best of luck for it all x

giraffesCantGoGuising Wed 16-Oct-13 20:45:22


Pancakeflipper Wed 16-Oct-13 20:16:39

You must just reeling there Knitting.
I am so sorry.

I hope your treatment starts soon and your body and mind is super strong.

And obviously make use of the support you will have on here. We will be practical, listen, hold your hand etc.

difficultpickle Wed 16-Oct-13 20:11:12

Sending you hugs and strength and best wishes xxx

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Wed 16-Oct-13 20:10:54

Sending all my love. I am so so sorry to hear the cancer is back.

Your blog is so beautifully written..

TerrorTremor Wed 16-Oct-13 20:04:55

I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

I honestly don't know what to say but I am so glad you have a loving, supportive family around you. I am sure that will make a massive difference.

From the start DD has been on Philip's bottles as she's been mixed fed. Sometimes it is a bit harder the further along they are but in general it helps if they are fed by someone who isn't you - though this can vary baby to baby.

I'd try a doidy cup or a beaker as your daughter is the same age as mine and is just onto those now.

I hope your partner can help you with the children and with weaning DD2 and giving you a bit of time to relax if you have to, as can imagine all the intensive therapy and medication is physically and emotionally exhausting.

Hand to hold if you need it and feel free to post any time with your feelings, sometimes it's very therapeutic. As someone has mentioned above their are a few threads for those with cancer from the diagnosis to treatment to readmission.

Thinking of you at this less than pleasant time. flowers

out2lunch Wed 16-Oct-13 19:54:12

sending a hug and best wishes x

Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 16-Oct-13 19:50:46

I'm so sorry to hear your news and can offer you no practical advice, but can offer you cyber hugs.

mrsblakey Wed 16-Oct-13 19:49:14

knitting - big hugs from me .
You sound so strong even though you probably dont feel it .Wishing you tons of luck on your journey xxxxx

ps am following you on pinterest as another crafty novice !!

newpup Wed 16-Oct-13 18:21:23

I am sorry. I wish you the best and hope you find strength from all the support on here.

Shellywelly1973 Wed 16-Oct-13 18:08:53

So so sorry... Sending you love, hugs & strength. X

chartreuse Wed 16-Oct-13 17:59:34

I'm so sorry to read this Knitting, wishing you all the luck in the world x

hamncheese Wed 16-Oct-13 17:26:01

So sorry.

Breastflow bottles will be your saviour. DS refused to 7 months and these worked. I know three other mum friends who they worked for too. They are not too expensive on amazon, so you could try one and see - good luck.

Stay strong

Mrscaindingle Wed 16-Oct-13 17:22:49

So sorry to hear this, makes the pity party I've been having today seem a bit petty.

More hand holding and thanks

PoshPenny Wed 16-Oct-13 17:05:12

I wish you the very best of luck knittingnovice xxx

Plus3 Wed 16-Oct-13 16:57:59

Consider your hand held x
So many good suggestions for weaning from breast bottle. Good luck

iHeartTheoJames Wed 16-Oct-13 16:57:14

Holding your hand, sending you oodles and caboodles of love and strength xxx

Hippymama Wed 16-Oct-13 16:53:50

So sorry to read this xxx

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