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Episiotomy question. I'm being silly and it's over four years ago but am upset by something.

(36 Posts)
SarahAndFuck Tue 27-Aug-13 15:15:53

Really not sure where to post this or what I want to gain from posting it.

When DS was born four and a half years ago I had a long, difficult labour and he was a big baby.

He was stuck and they were on the point of taking me for a c-section when apparently one of the midwives said I should have one more chance to push him out. They agreed to try an episiotomy and used forceps and DS was born.

I was totally out of it by that point, I don't remember any of this, although I do remember asking what the doctor was doing after DS was born and he said he was doing my stitches. Apparently DH connected for me but I would have agreed had I been able to. He says they told me and I said yes, but they also asked him because they could see the state I was in. So it's not a question of having something done to me that I wouldn't have consented to either.

I just recently found the book I had when I was pregnant, think it was called My Pregnancy Bible, and in it was a small section about episiotomies, so I read it for the first time.

And it says they use scissors to make the cut.

I don't know what I thought they might use, but the thought of being cut open with a pair of scissors while I was confused and not aware of what was happening has upset me.

It's not the fact that they had to do it, I know they had to do it and I'm fine with that. It's the fact that they use scissors, the thought of someone taking scissors and cutting me, it's come as a shock and I'm finding it quite upsetting to think about.

It took me months to get over the physical aspect, I had pains for months, I didn't want DH to touch or look at me, I felt very battered and bruised afterwards and was scared to go to the toilet because I could feel the thick scar.

It's just now, well, scissors. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick, although I'm not sure why it's worse than being cut with something else or why it's bothering me so much to find out after so much time has passed.

SarahAndFuck Tue 27-Aug-13 20:46:56

WhoKnows I'm sorry to hear that yours has left you with long term problems and permanent damage.

I know I'm lucky that nothing so serious happened to me.

ukatlast I agree, I have blessings to count and I'm grateful. I think the effect it's had on me is similar to an interview I saw once with someone who had been on that Survivor programme that was on TV a few years ago.

They had tasks to do and one of them included eating a rat. Several months after the show was over they were home and driving their car when they suddenly thought "I ate a rat!" and had to pull over to be sick but then they were alright again after that.

That's how it hit me when I read about the scissors in the book. It was my rat moment. It has helped to talk it though on here.

DH was a bit useless when I asked him. He couldn't remember but also is a bit squeamish, more so than me so he wouldn't really talk it over either.

So thanks again to everyone here for discussing it with me, it has helped.

Coconutty Tue 27-Aug-13 20:52:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndFuck Tue 27-Aug-13 20:59:14

That's probably true Coconutty, it sounds worse than it is. But I can't remember how it was so all I have to go on is my reaction to the word.

It's just very strange to have to imagine it because I can't remember it, and the image that comes to mind is more brutal than the reality obviously was for me.

Yamyoid Tue 27-Aug-13 21:04:35

Not helpful but I wish I hadn't read that, it makes me feel funny too.

But, thinking about it, it makes sense as it must be safer (scalpel coming into contact with baby) and probably quicker.

Coconutty Tue 27-Aug-13 21:07:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty Tue 27-Aug-13 21:08:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ukatlast 'but no use crying over spilt milk really...just count your blessings and move on - after a debrief if you like'

Have you had a traumatic birth? No need to answer BTW.

That is one of the most patronising things you can say. It's right up there with 'oh well you got your baby'

The OP's feelings are valid, they do matter, and while a debrief can be helpful for many women, it's no cure.

LadyFlumpalot Tue 27-Aug-13 21:13:40

oh was someone supposed to ask me before they did it? First I knew of it was being stitched up, I asked if I'd torn and the doctor said no, she had cut me.

I was completely coherent.and awake as well, in fact I was cross at everyone and just wanted it over as I was hungry.

MisselthwaiteManor Wed 28-Aug-13 13:46:22

I think the reason scissors sound so horrible is because it makes you feel a bit unhuman, of course they would have been proper surgical instruments but when you think of scissors you think of chopping up bits of paper or meat or whatever.

I haven't had an episiotomy (had an EMCS) but I think for me asking to see them would help. Might not for you and Im not sure they would even do that, but it's something I'd want.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 28-Aug-13 13:54:32

As someone who does surgery and had an episiotomy. I would far rather scissors were used than a scalpel. You have considerably more control with scissors than a scalpel so much more precise cut, no risk of slipping and making deeper cut.
Surgical scissors are beautiful precise instruments costing huge amounts more than a scalpel. Disposable scalpel at 50p, beautiful good quality surgical scissors £75 per pair.

JuliaScurr Wed 28-Aug-13 14:16:41

I had episiotomy & ventouse, + haemorrhage; hence my view between black pvc poles/straps with silver colour chains was a massive heap of bloodsoaked swabs - an image of sadistic torture
obviously I was relieved to have (pale mauve) dd declared healthy
3 days later the emotional 'crash' left me shaking from head to foot
of course I know we could both have died, but that image is with me still
op has every right to her feelings about her experience
we each react differently
your feelings will fade and heal in time op
<just like the sodding episiotomies smile>

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