This is likely to be long I'm afraid. I'll try and set it out in some sort or order, but I'm not sure I understand exactly what I'm asking for yet!
Precis: I am told that my SIL had severe M.E in her late teenage years, culminating in time spent in a wheelchair and a tremor/spasm of some sort. She has been physically healthy for many years now, but has struggled ever since (about a decade) with moderate to life-limiting depression.
My MIL, her mother is in the final stages of an ugly battle with cancer, and spoke to me in confidence the other day, saying that she fears her daughter is backsliding into another bout of M.E as a result of the stress of losing her mother a day at a time. (I don't know if it's relavent but SIL is not involved in MIL's care, but the two are very close and MIL was SIL's primary carer throughout her first battle with M.E).
Now I know almost nothing about M.E, excepting that after glandular fever I was diagnosed with it, all I remember is feeling very tired for about 6 months and having the attention span of a gnat, but I understand there must be a spectrum of symptoms it's possible to suffer with.
ILs and family have always spoken about SILs illness in hushed tones, I know she was ill and that it was serious for a number of years, but have no further clue really other than yesrterday's revelation about the tremor and the wheelchair use. MIL has always spoken supportively of SIL, and until yesterday I never though she doubted the veracity of her daughter's illness. However she said that the Mickel therapy that SIL underwent years ago "cured her, as much as an alcoholic is ever cured" which made me think that perhaps MIL believes/believed SIL was making it up, or making herself sicker - I can't explain why I got that vibe but I did. Several other, more distant family members have always maintained that SIL created or exacerbated her illness to maintain a codependent relationship with her mother (as does DH in his less generous moments).
Questions:
- what are the symptoms of M.E as experienced by a sufferer?
2 how would I/one know if SIL is faking/suffering psychosematically (sp?) and can she be helped to improve if that is the case?
- what is Mickel therapy? I have looked it up and Dr Google gives me sales websites for Mickel therapists and pop-sci blogs talking about how it's quackery. I'm after fact, statistics, how it works, what's the process of work? Etc...
- how can I help SIL through the grief of losing her mother and struggling with energy and stress levels at this time? (DH is fortunately slightly easier to read than SIL).
- am I approaching this all wrong? If so what should I be doing?
As I said above I have so little experience in this, I work in healthcare but have never had to look after or support an M.E sufferer before, I want to support, but am cautious not to make things worse/set myself up codependently as SIL is with MIL. I hope none of what I have said or how I have phrased things has caused offence, I'm not trying to upset, only to understand.