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I need to talk about my DP,.

(20 Posts)
tiredemma Thu 25-May-06 12:46:57

sorry this may be long.

A couple of weeks ago, Dp had some kind of anxiety/panic attack, he had woken up a few times in the night in a panic- feeling as if he had stopped breathing, in the morning when he got up he felt dizzy, sick and very faint, could not eat. He went around to the pharmacist and got some kalms ( it was a saturday so no dr's open. Anyway as the day got on he gradually started to feel a bit better, but still felt a bit on edge.

Cut to this week, On monday as i was leaving for work i had a phonecall from him at 0810 am ( he had left just 45 mins earlier for work) he said that he felt really bad again, anxious, faint etc and was going to A&E, Dr at hospital said that he was showing classic signs of stress and should arrange and appt at our GP's.

so here we are today, dp has just got back from the Drs and has been given a box of diazepam and has been referred to a psychiatrist as the dr says that dp is showing signs of depression.

i though that going to the drs would relax him a bit and make him feel better, in fact it has done the opposite, because he has been referred to a psychiatrist he feels like some kind of "mad man" and tbh, i think deep down he knew he was a bit stressed but not to the point where he would need to take diazepam etc.

i feel really sorry/bad for him- he does work so hard, has a fairly stressful job and is always doing something - i suspect aswell that he may have OCD as he is continuously cleaning, or thinking about jobs that need to be done.

im scared now that the drs reaction today really will knock him into some kind of depression, he is frustrated as he doesnt feel depressed and cant put his finger on why he feels so anxious.

im looking here for some advice i suppose because im at a loss really, i want to help him but cant see how i can.

FioFio Thu 25-May-06 12:48:38

Message deleted

tiredemma Thu 25-May-06 12:53:13

an appt will come through in the next few days, its to see a psychiatrist from the local mental health team.

He had to fill in a questionnare ticking boxs, the dr added his ticks up and suggested he see a psychiatrist.

FioFio Thu 25-May-06 12:55:47

Message deleted

foxinsocks Thu 25-May-06 12:57:41

diazepam is valium

in the meantime, did the doctor tell him to do some relaxation exercises? has he been signed off work?

tiredemma Thu 25-May-06 12:59:07

thats what i said to him, i said that the reason he has been referred is because the dr feels that he may be able to understand more from a psychiatrist why he is feeling the way he does. I can see the logic in being referred, DP doesnt, he sees it as the first step to him being sectioned or something (seriously, he thinks now that the DR thinks that he is going mad). this is why i feel so bad as im struggling to get dp to accept that he may need to offload to a psychiatrist in order for us to find out why he feels so anxious and ill.

Marne Thu 25-May-06 12:59:42

Poor you and dp tiredemma,
My dh has depression and often has the symptoms your dp has, he is seeing phychiatrists and had a mental health assesment last week.
My dh also loves cleaning and always finds things that need doing.
I think all you can do is be there for him and support him as best as you can, maybe he needs a break from work if thats possible.

tiredemma Thu 25-May-06 13:00:06

no, not signed off work, although he has booked two days off end of next week.

FioFio Thu 25-May-06 13:00:52

Message deleted

tiredemma Thu 25-May-06 13:02:21

he has issues from his childhood which i know for a fact have affected him, although he denies this. will a psychiatrist go over these issues with him?

FioFio Thu 25-May-06 13:03:19

Message deleted

foxinsocks Thu 25-May-06 13:04:04

it's a very common worry when you have bad anxiety - you are convinced you are going mad and are having a complete breakdown. Try and tell him that it is part of his illness.

Has he sat down and told you what his worries are? Even if they seem trivial, they may be things that are building up that he feels he can't resolve.

tiredemma Thu 25-May-06 13:14:07

his issues stem from his childhood, predominently the lack of care/love from his mother, his father being overseas most of his childhood with the army, his mothers blatent affairs behind his dads back, he had a very crap childhood.( his mom told him in a argument that the man he called "dad" wasnt actually his dad- she told him this when he was 15 yrs old, he cannot comprehend how a mother could tell her child this in such a way)

the problems this has caused is a obsessive need to "over perform" in every part of his life, with our children, with his job, with the house.
quite clearly it has caught up with him, he lives life determined to be an absolute success and to be the kind of parent he could only ever of dreamed having.

I can see that all of this attributes to his stress, although he says that it doesnt.

foxinsocks Thu 25-May-06 13:42:29

how annoying, I posted but it disappeared!

how horrible for your dh - I can see why he is prob so stressed - he's obviously putting alot of pressure on himself. I bet he even feels guilty now that he has had to seek medical help.

Relaxation breathing - although not a cure or anything - can really help with a generalised level of anxiety. If you google relaxation breathing (basically deep breathing with around a 4 count breath in through your nose and a 7 count breath out through your mouth), you'll come up with lots of sites. Although it seems silly at first, if he can do 15 minutes a day, hopefully it might help him start managing his symptoms.

In terms of helping him, I suppose just the support that you feel no less of him because he has to go to a pychiatrist (I'm sure you do this anyway!). In fact, I would stress how impressed you are that he is taking control of the situation and trying to sort things out.

foxinsocks Thu 25-May-06 13:45:21

this is a helpful website if you need any info

no more panic

chapsmum Thu 25-May-06 13:50:53

Tierdemma, this is the problem with the stigma of mental health.
If you think about it like this:
If your DP had gone to the dr complaining of pains in his chest (hopefully) he would have been refered to a cardiologist.
He has no more control over problems with his body than he does with his mind and yet we chose to feel like a failure when we are diagnoised with depression.
The way I see it is, If your brain is powerful enough to make you heart beat imagine what it can do if part of the conscious or subconscious is malfunctioning.
A psychiatrist is not more scary that going to see an orthopoedic surgeon over a broken arm. It is the healing process that very much differs however it is an illness.
It is ok to need halp. and it is ok to admit that things are not ok in his head. He will not suddenly be branded unfit father or worker.
If he is thinking like that then he is worrying about what other people think of him too much and this is a classic sign of mental illness.

Very few people in the world can say the are completely mentally health or self actualised and some people need help more than other to cope with anxiouty, but that does not make them bad or crazy. It make them human.
As a race, Our diversity lyes in our emotions and some people need a hand in deeling with wome of the emotions they have.

There are a number of things that he can physically do that will perhaps help and a big one of those is exercise. Exercise increases your dompaine recptors and hleps us to experience 'happy' feeling and relaxation.

Sorry for a bit of a rambly post but I hope you mihgt be able to say something to him out of this that will help..

Novacane Thu 25-May-06 23:40:48

Just want to say what a fab post chapsmum.

Just a fab post.

jamese Fri 26-May-06 09:19:58

my brother had exactly the same last month. He also took himself to A&E. he even heard voices in his head.. A&E sent him home and told him to see the doctor (he already had) but also referred him to the psychiatrist. He was given diazepam, which knocked him out a bit. he rested all day and the emergency psychiatrist came out later that night (at about 11.00pm).. as his wife was scared about the things my brother had said and thought he had gone mad.... I went round to stay with her and saw my brother who certianly had not gone mad just very scared and worried.

He was suffering from stress and certainly not mentally ill. The minute he spoke to the phychiatrist he seemed to be getting better. I think he just needed to offload some of his worries. My mum passes away just before Christmas and he didn't seem to mourn, but he still feels very sad etc just didn't know how to show it. they also have money worries and works long hours.

The good news is that after taking 2 weeks of work and trying to access how to make his life less stressful he seems to be well on the mend, in fact you would never know how bad he was. I didn't realise that stress could do that to the body - just shut it down.

Please tell your DH that there is no need to worry about mental health and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Also re diazepam he only took 1 for 1 week then half for a few weeks.

FioFio Fri 26-May-06 09:27:30

Message deleted

chapsmum Fri 26-May-06 12:08:43

thanks novacane, just wish I stopeed to spell check
It is something I feel quite strongly about.

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