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tell me about strokes :(

(83 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Mon 20-May-13 07:44:19

MIL found at the bottom of the stairs by BIL 6am this morning. she doesnt get up early so chances she has been there some time sad and golden hour well gone. DH gone to hosp (she has gone in ambulance obv) dh in bits and has only finished chemo in Jan sad so not very resilient. wtf do we do? what to expect?

Jestrin Thu 30-May-13 07:30:19


HadALittleFaithBaby Thu 30-May-13 06:43:44

I'm sorry to hear she died MrsS but I'm glad she went peacefully and that your DH was with her.

It may well be calm before the storm as he tries to process what's happened. In terms of coping, I remember when my Mum died people said I was coping well but I was just trying to function because its all you can do. Is he off work?

MrsShrek3 Wed 29-May-13 23:44:20

thanks all thanks
I do wonder about calm before storm with dh. FIL died, 2 wks later dh dx with cancer, 6mths chemo, all ok for a couple of months whilst he recovers from chemo then this. Life sucks. How much can he take? Even I have no clue and it's fair to say I know him best.

QuintessentialOldDear Wed 29-May-13 22:34:20

sad So sorry to see your recent updates. So sorry for your loss, and your dhs loss. What a terrible year you have had!

Courage and love.

Andro Wed 29-May-13 22:30:11

Mrs S, it sounds like you've all had the ear from hell! As a partner there is so little you can really do when your OH experiences such a devastating loss, all you can really do be there.

When my DSiL died my DH was almost eerily calm...for months. His emotions didn't come to a head until almost 6 months later, he shattered on her birthday. If there was a positive to be taken from that it's that I had worked through the most acute phase of my own grief (DSiL was one of my closest friends for many years) and was mentally in a better place to help DH pick up the pieces. It may be that your DH will do likewise.

Keeping your family in my thoughts and offering a shoulder if you need it flowers

archfiend Wed 29-May-13 19:28:28

I'm glad that at least they had some quiet time together. I think that things can become so overwhelming that when there is time to sit and just 'be', then there is no place for anger as such. (God I sound like such an old hippy, I'm not I promise!).

Will be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope that you can all remember and share the positive memories as I am sure they outweigh anything else. x

frostyfingers Wed 29-May-13 13:55:43

I'm so sorry, it's a terrible time for you all. Perhaps DH feels calm because he's had some quiet time with his Mum and said what he wanted to say and is a little more at peace with himself. Having said that he may just be too stunned at the moment to do anything else - I hope that he and you can all grieve and remember MIL in good times and bad. She may be gone physically, but she won't be forgotten.

Thinking of you.

MrsShrek3 Wed 29-May-13 11:30:54

city, your post about your wonderful dm is beautiful. MIL also said the same about FIL -like he's never gone as we all carried on talking about him (he died in July last yr) . Grandma will be hugely missed by all of us as she has been a huge part of the children's lives, as are my parents. Can't really believe it.

DH got home around 1am, after she'd gone. he seems amazingly chilled. not talking much but so so calm. he spent 12hrs just sitting with her yesterday, we will never know how that went but just hope that it was positive for both of them.

CityTiliDie Wed 29-May-13 07:05:35

MrsS Big Hugs.

I had similar with my DM 6 years ago. She had a different type of stroke and was never given any hope so we had five weeks to sit and watch her die slowly but peacefully. It was almost a nice way to go and we knew she was 'hapy' about it as it was something we had talked about as a family in the past. She had already palnned her 'leaving do' (wouldnt have a funeral as they are morbid and dull).

When it cam to the end my DSis and DF sat with her for 36 hours but she refused to go so they both left to go home and freshen up. 10 minutes after they had left the hospital she died.

Your DC are a credit to you and will cope far better than you can hope for and probably far better than you or your DH.

Its a really tough time for you but you will all get through it and time will help. Remember to never stop talking about your DMil and dont stop talking to her either. i talk to my DM every day and it helps me a lot. I was lucky that 9 months after she passed away my DD was born and she is the image of my DM in every way so I feel my DM will always be with me.

Keep strong for your DH, allow him to talk and cry and shout and you will both be stronger for it.

archfiend Tue 28-May-13 20:17:31

You're very sweet blush! Honestly, I am just glad it has helped a little. I wasn't on MN when DH had his stroke, and I know how much it would have helped to know about anyone else dealing with all this stuff.


Pandemoniaa Tue 28-May-13 20:03:36

Oh, Mrs Shrek, I am so, so, sorry to hear this. Will be thinking of you all. xx

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-May-13 20:00:21

Arch, thank you for all your amazing support over the last week. You've been incredible thanks

archfiend Tue 28-May-13 19:58:16

Oh no MrsS, I'm so very sorry to read your latest updates. sad. She has clearly fought incredibly hard but sometimes it's just not enough. Will be thinking of you all this evening. x

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-May-13 19:30:59

DH is still sitting with her. she is still being ventilated and some sedation but nothing else. blood pressure ridiculously low but she's hanging on. He is staying with her smile


NotAQueef Tue 28-May-13 18:55:15

I am so sorry to read this. sad
Thinking of you and your family tonight x

TallGiraffe Tue 28-May-13 18:46:44

I'm so sorry to read this. Thinking of you and your family this evening flowers

TheDeadlyDonkey Tue 28-May-13 18:32:37

I'm so sorry MrsS sad

SomeBear Tue 28-May-13 18:28:11

I am so sorry to hear this. Life is so cruel sometimes, sending you my best wishes.

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-May-13 18:25:38

24hrs changes everything doesn't it sad

Turningupsidedown Tue 28-May-13 16:46:45

So, so sorry to see this sad sad Thinking of you all.

frostyfingers Tue 28-May-13 16:05:18

Such sad news, so sorry to hear it.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Tue 28-May-13 14:37:38

I'm so sorry MrsShrek3sad

Wshing you and your family all the best x

Sometimes life seems very cruel and relentless....

HadALittleFaithBaby Tue 28-May-13 14:26:15

Oh I'm so sorry sad praying for you all.

mummylin2495 Tue 28-May-13 14:17:34

So sorry to see this sad news. Awful for everyone in the family especially your dh x

MrsShrek3 Tue 28-May-13 14:10:33

switching her life support off now. DH staying with her until she is gone sad sad

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