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(19 Posts)
Radley Mon 22-May-06 00:55:58

GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED This is hysterical! Make sure you read the whole

There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
>From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick their balls in there,
And see how they come out!!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have
those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies.
Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer!!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery..Today is a gift.. That's why it's called the present!
Live and savor every moment...This is not a dress rehearsal!

Radley Mon 22-May-06 13:14:37


brimfull Mon 22-May-06 13:20:54

eeek....I have an appt at the breast clinic tomorrow!

Pixel Mon 22-May-06 14:46:15

Me too, but I've had my boobies squished. I'm going to get the results <<nervous>>.

Loved the poem

brimfull Tue 23-May-06 17:41:05

had my mammogram today,didn't find it painful at all,slightly embarassing as she had te change the size of the plate because of my enormous norks
get results in a week.....fingers crossed!!

How did you get on today pixel?

Radley Tue 23-May-06 21:01:14

I didn't mean to offend, i just saw this and hoped that it would maybe amuse someone and help ease any nerves if they were having a mammogram, and also put forward the important message that WE HAVE TO CHECK OUR NORKS.

brimfull Tue 23-May-06 21:45:41

no offence taken Radley,just glad it's over now.I totally agree about taking care of our norks!

Pixel Wed 24-May-06 00:11:37

All clear, thanks for asking .

JoolsToo Wed 24-May-06 00:15:03


have a had a few mammograms - don't find it painful at all but then I'm diddy

Sugarmag Wed 24-May-06 10:33:05

So Jools does that mean it doesn't hurt if you have teensy weensy boobs? What age should you have a mammogram anyway? I'm 34 and never had one - will my GP suggest it when I hit a certain age?

Sugarmag Wed 24-May-06 10:34:08

Sorry Jools -that wasn't meant as an insult to you - I just meant mine are tiny! Re-read my post and realised it coudl be taken the wrong way.

zippitippitoes Wed 24-May-06 10:36:43

I wondered what age you were supposed to be too..or who is eligible for testing

manitz Wed 24-May-06 11:37:42

yes please tell us about how to get a mammogram. I try and check and have lots of lumps but they seem to be the same on both sides so presume they are normal? would love a check to confirm this but don't know how to go about this. am 33

mell2 Wed 24-May-06 12:48:11

I would definitely go to your gp manitz, just to be sure. I am waiting for a breast clinic appointment after going to see my gp about a lump.

JoolsToo Wed 24-May-06 12:48:24

I thought it was 50+

my friend has diddy boobs as well but she said it hurt her.

brimfull Wed 24-May-06 12:51:12

Great news pixel...what a relief!

I don't think mammograms are offered for routine screening until you're in your 50's.It's mad.
I could be wrong though.

I had mine because of a rash on my nipple which is apparently a sign of a certain type of breast cancer.

Pixel Wed 24-May-06 23:29:14

Not sure what age you start getting them as routine screening. I'm having them 6 monthly at the moment because I had a lump taken out last year.

I think size does matter! The first mammogram I had was quite 'unpleasant' (medical term for ouch)and my boobs were very big. I've since lost 2 stone and it was much easier this time round.

Pixel Wed 24-May-06 23:31:07

Of course, it could all just depend on how expert the technician person is at jamming you into the machine!

Pixel Wed 24-May-06 23:43:33

Sorry just realised, that was misleading. Am having check-ups six monthly, mammogram yearly.

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