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Safety tips for around the home - by YumsyMumsy's dh

(9 Posts)
scrummyhubby Fri 19-May-06 13:02:50

My lovely lady wife informed me that you ladies had hinted at an interest in my safety techniques ever since I saved my dear lady wife after her misfortune with the scanner and a glass of Saint Emilion Grand Cru. I am, as ever, delighted to oblige, so here goes:

1. Do not attempt to dry your hair with a hairdryer in the bath (my wife never gets the hang of this one, so I've considerately put a socket near the taps for her convenience!)

2. Check that the oven is free from small animals before turning it on (my wife still doesn't know the truth about Timmy the Hamster).

3. Do not attempt to polish wooden stairs with Mr Sheen, they may look nice and shiny but the catastrophes that follow are usually not worth it.

4. Never clean pcs or televisions with soapy water.

5. The microwave should never be used as a clothes dryer.

6. Putting shampoo in the washing machine to clean it is not generally considered a good idea.

7. Do not spray perfume onto lit scented candles to make them smell nicer - the resulting burning flesh smell is not good.

8. Generally speaking, creases in wallpaper CANNOT be ironed out using a conventional iron.

9. Do not store bleach in used vodka bottles that your wife/partner uses.

I hope these useful tips prove to be of some assistance to you all. If you need any more practical advice, do call a man! Ladies are positively lovely but on a site such as this, I think you'll find men are much better at the practicalities!

NomDePlume Fri 19-May-06 13:19:05

<snigger>

anniebear Fri 19-May-06 13:31:28

they are so funny!!!

scrummyhubby Fri 19-May-06 15:59:27

Another one I have omitted is to never, ever clean the toilet seat with bleach and forget to rinse off the bleach. My dear lady wife did this and the scars run deep to this very day!

scrummyhubby Sat 20-May-06 11:57:15

I do hope you ladies have written these tips down. I know what your memories are like, especially at certain times of the month eh?

AllieBongo Sat 20-May-06 12:20:02

knob jockey

daisy1999 Sat 20-May-06 13:13:41

have printed them out and stuck them above the hob

hunkermonkee Sat 20-May-06 13:15:16

Wow, SH! You're fast becoming a national treasure

MarsLady Sat 20-May-06 13:25:20

Why thank you kind sir. I was in danger of forgetting basic safety. Why a young lady like me is in great need of a stallion such as yourself. Why I need to sit down, for my poor heart flutters and my head in going round and round.

Oh never mind... I'll think about it all tomorrow!

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