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(46 Posts)
namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 16:51:08

Hi, I'm so confused, scared and ashamed right now.

I've been seeing a new man for a while now, having been single for almost a year. Last week we spent the night together. However, he has problems 'getting it up' so although we tried, full penetration did not happen. (sorry if tmi)

Then today he text me saying he's been to the Dr, and that he's had pain in his penis, and the dr told him It's herpes!!!

I've googled the symptoms, I don't, and never have, had them. There's also nothing that says penis pain is a symptom of herpes. I've only slept with 3 men, and am as sure as I can be that I don't have anything.

Also, the NHS website says its diagnosed from a swab test, and that results take a couple of weeks. So how had his gp diagnosed him ?

I'm just feeling scared, worried, confused, you name it!. Does anyone have any advice? Other than the obvious go and get checked, which I will do .

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Apr-13 16:55:10

Hmm, maybe he knows he already has it and is trying to shift blame onto you? that may explain his problems with 'getting it up'?

Or he could just be bullshitting/looking for a way out/embarrassed about his erectile dysfunction?

But yes, good to get yourself checked anyway and use condoms [in future]

He'd have sores if it was herpes.

Sounds like he already had it and didn't dare say. So I take it you didn't use a condom?

What does your instinct tell you about this guy? Do you trust him otherwise?

Lots of people have herpes, it's very widespread. You get flu like symptoms at first, it can make you feel very rough. There's lots of advice on the net.

Try not to worry too much and yes go and get tested. Plus be on your guard as like you say it seems a fast diagnosis hmm

AmberLeaf Mon 22-Apr-13 16:55:48

What I mean by 'may explain his problems getting it up' is not that herpes causes that, but his anxiety over it may do.

Snap AL I thought he already knew too.

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:02:08

Thanks, and yes it makes sense that he could be shifting the blame, and blaming his problems on that. We didn't use a condom, as we didn't actually get that fat iyswim. I know we should have, but he didn't seem to get hard at any point.

He seems so lovely, and I thought I could trust him, but maybe not, I'm doubting my judgement now.

The only symptom I've had is the flu one, but I think it was actual flu, as did the Dr when I spoke to her on the phone. I certainly had all the flu symptoms, not just flu like if that makes any sense.

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:03:13

Sorry meant the only symptom I have ever had, and I'm going back to before I met him.

You won't have herpes off him then if you didn't have sex.

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:10:22

Even though our 'bits' touched? Christ, I sound like an immature, naive child!

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:10:38

It's unlikely u have herpes if going forwards u do t get any sores genital wise. Flu would be first and same time. If it's been a few weeks after and u don't see any u should be fine. U can always test to b sure.

I think he's blaming u but he's always had them. It's not one u wouldn't be sure of tbh. It's very common as someone else said.

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:11:39

Thanks. I'm feeling a bit less worried now, but will go and get checked just in case

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:12:04

If a sore came into contact that's how u would catch. So yes without full I/course u still could catch.

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:13:03

Ok thanks. I've just asked him if he actually has any sores, or just pain

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:13:54

It can be extremely painful. Like cystitis, that's why I'm saying u would know. It's a pain u can't ignore if its coming.

And what did he say?

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:18:02

I've never had that. He said he has one sore, and pain when he wees. Ffs, I always seem to end up with liars and cheats sad

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:20:40

Er.... Just thought he could have slept with u one night and someone else just or day or two before or after? They could have lied and said not them....

Bit of a reach but suppose its possible....most things are I guess. Sorry guess not helpful...

There's a lot of them around don't be too hard on yourself. He may not be lying you never know?

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:23:18

I don't know what to think tbh. He might not be lying, could I have had it with no symptoms?

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:24:32

And yes wishi that's entirely possible sad

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:26:29

Well it's a good few days incubation. He can work it out.

Up to u, it's perfectly fine to have rels with it. Either medication or knowing your own triggers. It's not like he will spend life alone! Just a shock. Assuming his story is sort of true. Depending on how u two feel about each other u don't have to split. Or can drop each other like hot brick, herpes itself isn't the issue exactly.

Sorry I'm really not explaining that very well. Am on phone feeding bubba and watching dd... Does anyone else get my meaning...!?!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Mon 22-Apr-13 17:28:41

Herpes is only infectious when the actual sores are present.

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:28:44

Unlikely as I understand it but rare I spose. If sores are coming it hurts like a BITCH. It's a very odd pain. U def would know something was up...

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 22-Apr-13 17:30:32

And alter ur name again. No shame in this one op. honest.

namechangeasimsoashamed Mon 22-Apr-13 17:37:14

Thanks. I really don't wanna end it with him.

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