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(14 Posts)
ariane5 Mon 22-Apr-13 15:47:39

Dsis has just told me she has been making herself vomit in order to control her weight. She was v upset and begged me not to tell anybody esp DM.

I don't want to ignore her cry for help despite having had some issues recently with dsis/dm that led me to see them a lot less.

I know she begged me to not tell DM but should I tell her anyway as Dm is the one who lives with dsis and I feel she should be aware (dsis has other health problems).

What is the best thing to do?

Ujjayi Mon 22-Apr-13 18:30:29

How old is DSis? Is she telling you because she wants help but doesn't want your DM to know?

awkwardsis Mon 22-Apr-13 18:34:40

Don't break her confidence. If you can go with her to the gp who will refer her for relevant counselling and treatment. It's a horrible illness as its often so hidden, she may be of a normal weight but the effect in her body will be devastating. I e had it for 10 years as well as a period of anorexia and its insidious. CBS and group counselling helped a bit but it was petrifying reaching out to get that help. I really don't believe people throw up merely as a method of weight control. This is a mental health issue and needs to be treated as such, as soon as possible. Mine has become ingrained, whenever I'm stressed it gets worse as I just don't have another coping mechanism. I don't even see it as a problem anymore, just a fact of my life. Please don't let her get to that stage.

Maat Mon 22-Apr-13 18:38:06

The fact your sister has confided in you is a HUGE step forward for her.
I never confided in anyone in 10 years. In fact, I have only ever admitted to having anorexia/ bulimia on MN. That's not to say people didn't know - I just didn't talk about it.

I agree with awkwardsis's suggestion

nenevomito Mon 22-Apr-13 18:56:54

No, you don't break a confidence, but you can offer to help her get help for it.

ariane5 Mon 22-Apr-13 20:19:10

I just worry as she also has epilepsy and dm is her main carer, and she is not aware of dsis making herself sick (and possibly not keeping medication down).

I will try to persuade dsis to tell dm herself rather than break her confidence.
Dsis is 25. She was crying when she told me, apparently she had put on half a stone recently and wanted to control weight but still appear to be "normal and eating".

awkwardsis Mon 22-Apr-13 20:23:45

If she has epilepsy then it's even more important t get her to a GP. But at 25 she is an adult and I really do think you have to respect her right to keep this from your mother if she wants. In my experience, if she's telling you this then she's probably been struggling for a while, the story abiut having out in 6 pounds recently doesn't seem that believable to me (but I dontknownher) it might be her way of 'confessing' without having to deal with the shame of the whole situation. If it really is a recent thing then her chances at recovery are much better. But please don't tell your mum. Your sister will have had to muster all her courage to tell you. If you tell your mum the betrayal will feel awful to her and she'll never confide in you again

nenevomito Mon 22-Apr-13 20:33:40

Absolutely, she's an adult at 25 and while you can try to persuade her to speak to your mum, you shouldn't break her confidence.

Offer her help to go to the GP instead. Much better than passing it onto your mum to deal with.

TrampyPants Mon 22-Apr-13 20:34:25

Contact B-eat they will be able to advise you and help, esp because of her condition. But don't tell your mum.

I hope your sis gets through this.

And yes, its very easy to lose or gain half a stone very quickly.

ariane5 Mon 22-Apr-13 20:45:59

I know she has an appt soon with a psychologist about depression/coming to terms with epilepsy/other issues I will encourage her to tell them when she has that appt.

Other than that I don't think there is much else I can do. There are many many issues going on with dsis I feel as though I need to take a step back and try to allow her to address her problems. I have been far too involved in the past and the situation was very unhealthy.

ariane5 Mon 22-Apr-13 20:57:59

I have text dsis and asked her if she would like me to go with her to her appt or to see the gp if she needs somebody with her the first time.
After that iam going to really encourage her to tell dm as she lives with her and cares for her so I think she needs to know. I will not break her confidence but I think it will be better when dm knows and can help and support dsis.

TrampyPants Mon 22-Apr-13 21:15:30

Please contact b-eat, they are brill and have helped dh hugely in the past, to cope with me.

ariane5 Mon 22-Apr-13 21:24:38

Thankyou Trampypants I will contact them tomorrow and see what I can do to help dsis.

It is really difficult to know what to do (or say) I saw her today for a little while and made the mistake of offering her a cup of tea and she got upset and said "You know I can't have that. I feel so fat today" then proceeded half an hour later to eat her lunch and a huge amount of chocolate then disappeared for ages.

I really wish she would tell dm, it is so much to deal with helping her and dealing with the problems I already have. I don't want to be heavily involved again as dsis is hard work and has some serious issues but I do want to help her as she is the only sister I have got. Its a very difficult and delicate situation.

Maat Mon 22-Apr-13 21:58:25

ariane5 - you need support yourself in dealing with this and it looks like
b-eat could offer that. x

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