overwieght 8yr old, help

[whtsmum]

My ds has always been bigger than his peers, at 6mths the health visitor told me I was feeding him too much (he was breast fed up to 8mth). In 2011 I requested help from my GP, she reffered him to a peadiatric consultant. I was told to "Just face it, he's going to be a big boy". But he has painful hypermobility, and the wieght is not helping. He wieghs 7 stone 10oz, and is 137cm tall. His thighs are bigger than mine, I struggle to get clothes to fit (age 13yr stretchy jeans at the moment).
I know there is something wrong, but yet again I am struggling to get help from the NHS. I have managed to get him another appointment with the consultant he saw a year ago for next month. He eats very well, fruit and veg, is not allowed sweets, does not eat crisps, but is allowed 1 small snack bar of chocolate a day, and has 1 small kids pack of biscuits in his pack up. I watch everything he eats, he cannot be the size he is due to what he eats. Is there anyone out there that is or has been in this situation, or any ideas what I need to get the consultant to check. Please help my son, he has been bullied for his size for 4yrs, we are an average size family, I'm size 12 husband is a 34". No overeating or over feeding in this house. Help please

[KurriKurri]

OK - I don't have a great deal of knowledge about this, but didn't want to leave you unanswered. I'm sorry to hear your little boy is being bullied, that's very sad, and definitely something I would mention to the consultant.

I think you have to got to the consultant fully armed with information, so from now until his appointment I would keep a detailed diary of everything he eats, and any exercise he does, so you have the facts at your finger tips, that way they can't fob you off by saying he must be eating more than you think or something like that.

It doesn't sound as if he is eating a terrible diet, - it sounds like what most kids eat to me. How are his portion sizes, that might be one area you can cut down a little bit, - or increase the proportion of vegetables to carbs on his plate.

But it's very hard to make suggestions until you know what the consultant might say, there may be an underlying medical problem that is making him gain weight and that really needs to be sorted out first.

If all those things are ruled out, then I think you need to insist on seeing dietician, to talk about what things he can eat that will help him have a healthy weight while not making him feel hungry or as if he isn't allowed any kinds of treats - he's very young, so its important I think that he doesn't feel he's missing out. But dieticians usually have lots of suggestions about fun food which are also healthy.

I imagine with his hypermobility (which I know is a very painful condition) he finds exercise hard, are there any things he can do which aren't painful for him (I'm thinking perhaps swimming - but apologies if I am being ignorant and he cannot manage that)

Anyway - I wish you luck, go in armed with details and facts and insist on action from them, - don't let them hurry you or fob you off, it's your consultation and you are entitled to get the best from it.

[colditz]

How much does he eat compared to you? And would you say he spends an hour a day running around?

He's very heavy, and combined with his hypermobility, this is going to give him misery whilst trying to move around quickly and with agility, and once agility is lost to a child, confidence goes with it and he probably doesn't feel too happy about exercise.

I would take him back to the dietician, get a prescribed diet for him, and keep a diary of how much time he spends in his feet versus how much time he spends on his bum.

[insanityscratching]

I'd stop the daily chocolate and biscuits tbh. I wouldn't think the majority of children eat chocolate every day. Dd's not keen on it anyway but if she was I wouldn't offer it more than twice a week tbh. It's probably around 200 calories a day on chocolate and biscuits which is a significant amount when RDA is 1800 calories a day for an 8 year old boy.

[whtsmum]

Thankyou for your reply, we only received the appointment today, its for next month. I have started a food diary today, from breakfast this morning. His portion sizes are smaller than his 11yr bb, but bigger than his 5yr ls. I put his food on a smaller plate than his brother so he doesn't really see the difference. Niether of my other children are overwieght, very tall, but not chubby. Ls is very skinny. As for cutting out the chocolate after tea, dont really see any need for that as they don't have a pudding, just fresh fruit. If they have jelly or ice cream then they dont have chocolate. (its nit snack size, its fun size, so very small.)
He has physio weekly, does curcuit traing twice weekly at school, and has exercises from physio daily. He is unable to ride a bike as has no central core balance at the moment (physio and mum working on this).
He enjoys playing table tennis weekly, and is starting swimming tomorrow with dad.
Have refussed to see the dietician so far, as he eats a very good diet, far better than his bb. But maybe I'll say yes this time.
He is always hungry, I feel evil saying no you cant have anything else, but I do. He never seems to be full. On one occation I told him he cold have whatever he wanted from a salad bar whilest out for a meal, he ate himself sick.
He also has behavioural problems, he has an ADOS test in a few days, could the never being full be part of autism?

[whtsmum]

colditz, he enjoys pe at school, he does his best to run around but often falls. He has very few friends at school ?asperges? and finds it very difficult to communicate with his peers. He does go out on his scooter when the weather allows, also the trampoline. Every other weekend we try to get out, last weekend he spent several hours (with lots of rest breaks) walking around an air museum, the previous week we were at chessington, so no he doesn't spend that long on his bum. Tonght he was at cubs, so again running around. Because we have thyroid problems in the family, I have arranged blood tests for this friday.

[colditz]

Ahhhhhhh funny you should mention autism......

Ds1 will often eat himself into a tummy ache if I let him. I try not to let him, but he's actually quite small and tin so difficult to know when to draw the line.

I think a dietician is even more important now you have mentioned his lack of ability to know when he is full, more so that you can be confident saying no to more food when you know he has had enough.

Sometimes with ds1, if he says he is still hungry, I offer him raw carrots. If he takes me up on it, I know he is still hungry and will give him some cheese as well.

[whtsmum]

In reply to colditz, thank you, its not only my son then. He always asks for food before bed, as a routine he will have a banana. And yes I do the same as you, "I'm hungry....... would you like an apple, orange, carrot or some raisins?" Sadly for me he always says yes please, prooving to me that he is hungry. Say the same to his bb and the answer is, no i'll be ok.
Footle, thank you you have me in tears, literally, when you are at your whits end a bit of supporting words goes such a long way. I have been asking for help since he was 3yrs, and still waiting. Today and yesterday I have been finding it so hard to cope. He is under a consultant for his wieght, a consultant/physio for hypermobility, a consultany for behavioural issue, the school, school nurse, senco, are all involved also. But to actually get the help I need to cope - is zero! We have had home start, sure start, child phyciologist all involved over the last 5yrs, all acheiving absolutly nothing. I cant cope, I need help and support, not only him!! But still waiting after 5 yrs and feel like I'm fighting the NHS for help they should be giving him freely. Off to blow my noise!

[whtsmum]

Where is the help for mums that cant cope with children that are clearly having problems? I have tried local group, but they are only there once a month rather than 50% of the day! I am really hoping that trying mumsnet will help. Thanks to everyone.

[Tingalingle]

Sympathies OP. I too have two skinny kids and one chunky one. It makes it very hard to be fair to all three.

In fact, I seem to have one who doesn't recognise when he's hungry as well as one who doesn't know when they're full. Plus a madly overactive, ravenous one in the middle. Weird, isn't it?

[whtsmum]

My eldest is always hungry too, but no issue with wieght, he gets chunky for a few months then shoots up over night. The last time he had a growth spurt he grew 2" in a 10 day holiday! He is about 8st over 5ft and a size 7 shoe. He is only 11yr. Going to be a biiiiiiiiig lad!

[forevergreek]

I would still stop the choc and biscuits tbh. You say it's because he doesn't have desert only fruit. Fruit with a little greek yogurt is the only ' desert' here. Could you add a little yogurt to fruit or just fruit and scrap the chocolate. Biscuits at lunch also seems excessive.

I know you say it's only small but for an 8 year old it's big. I wouldn't even eat a biscuit and piece of chocolate every week so def wouldnt give to children as often.

It's not the calories so much, more the sugar as that is harder to digest and turns to fat easily.

Portion size maybe ok, but maybe just write a weekly diary to see exactly what he has

[whtsmum]

sorry, but if its big for an 8yr old, then why no issues with the 5yr olds wieght? He has more than enough issues at school, so why make him have anything diiferent in his lunch box to the other children in his class? I do understand what you say about the sugar. Just looked at the biscuits, 128cal, but we need sugar for energy don't we?

[forevergreek]

Some people are just built different/ can cope with extra unhealthy food. Others cant.

Sugar is def not needed for energy ( run 50 odd miles a week, on a basically sugar free diet- apart from natural sugars in fruit etc)

Does everyone really have biscuits in every lunch box? I thought most schools banned these things now days.

What does he usually have in lunch box?

[Iseeall]

Is your son on any medication that could cause weight gain?
Also you sound very good with his diet but are there hidden calories anywhere. In his breakfast cereals, squash, cola, fresh juices, yoghurts etc.
Its not much to add I know but I don't think its been mentioned.

[forevergreek]

Footle- I wasn't suggesting it was!
My sister also has hyper mobility as well as MS. She is only early teens but has had since born. Around the same age she also had a few weight issues. Now all resolved. The main thing was listing everything down and finding out where to change. Hence suggesting op tries the same

Ie: parents always gave water as a drink, but grandparents had her x3 afternoons, giving a few juices/ squash/ milkshakes etc each time. sounds small but over a week that was x6 sugary drinks they hadn't thought about. Or my dad giving her large portions of breakfast each morning. Just porridge and berries but tr portion size was nearly twice the recommendation on back for adults ( should only be less than half a bowl for example)- most adults do this too I'm sure as recommended looks tiny.
Around this age she also began getting lifts to and from school with a friend. This was changed, and now a different school but walks a mile each way slowly ( if joints playing up) or speeds up if ok.

Simple changes that might not first occur.

[AMR73]

I don't have any any knowledge of feeding children (mine is still a baby) but wonder if he is getting enough protein and healthy fats? If I haven't had enough, I get the munchies. (I appreciate that too much of these can be unhealthy, whether child or adult).

[Tingalingle]

Do you have one of these courses anywhere near you?
DC2 did this for a year and really benefited, partly from just doing sporty things with equally unsporty kids.

[Tingalingle]

Personally I ignored about half of the advice as irrelevant or too hard to do with underweight kids in the same house, but even the remaining half was a help.

[whtsmum]

Just looked on the biscuit packs, 115/125 callories, chocolate is 85/95 callories. So thats 200 calories on junk food! The rest is good fresh home cooked food, thanks for the advice, but its FOOTLE that seems to have the best idea! He is not fed on fish and chips, mcdonalds, fried food, crisps, sweets, fizzy drinks. I try to fill him on fruit and veg, as for the idea of cutting out 2 small items, no as a mum of 3, not doing that. Just asked ds what is in the free school dinners (which mine do not have) there are sandwiches, fruit, crisps, fruit juice and a fruit snack bar. So instead of having the fruit snack bar and the crisps, mine have a small pack of animal bisc or a small pack of mini jammie dodgers. Considering school are supposed to be supplying healthy meals, I don't see any difference between thiers and mine, other than the fat and salt content in thiers is higher with the crisps.

[colditz]

But the sugar content is low, meaning they aren't going to have the blood sugar swings that chocolate and biscuits every day will cause. I don't allow chocolate and biscuits every day. Maybe once or twice a week, and that's for both of my children.

[Stressedtothehilt]

My dd is same age as yours and she has a choc bar small one in her pack up every day and she weighs 4.5 stone and is 135cm amd really thin and very very sporty. Perhaps give drinks when he says he's hungry as thirst can be confused with hunger. Give a drink of milk instead of banana at bedtime and keep a food diary from now until you see the doc so you've got one done as they will ask that you do one so better to have one prepared

[whtsmum]

have been to the doctors today, no use. But have been to consultant, finally diagnosed with ASD. He is reffering to dietition. Also phoned Social Services for help, but don't reach thier criteria!