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chat and hand-holding for those of us supporting a DH with cancer - new thread for the new year

(742 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Sun 30-Dec-12 19:51:20

sign in, folks smile
Hoping that 2013 brings better stuff for all of us.

MrsShrek3 Fri 13-Sep-13 23:49:44

great to hear from you all. should hang out here more often. makes me feel normal grin dh was also a month into chemo this time last year... have just been talking about it. hmm.

drudgewithagrudge Sat 14-Sep-13 14:14:23

DH started chemo this week. IV once every 3 weeks and tablets the rest of the time and scan after second cycle.
Amazed at lack of side effects so far, touch wood, just some hand tingling and toe nails looking different.

How did you all cope with the keeping away from cold things problem. I put out a jug of milk for his cornflakes the night before and make sure the water for his tablets is at room temperature. His not being able to open the fridge means that I have to do it for him and I make sure he wears gloves and a coat when he goes out in the evenings Getting used to being a carer but I have said that we both need time apart, as we are retired, to do our own things or we will get one each others nerves.

gingeroots Sat 14-Sep-13 17:31:02

Hi dwag - excellent idea to do seperate things .
Some of my family are horrified that my partner isn't glued to my side 24/7 in my hour of need !
But apart from fact that we'd both hate that ,I think it must be pretty tough going to appointments with me ( even tougher when I want to go my own ) waiting for surgery to end ( after all I'm asleep ) waiting for results ,having me throw up in bed over the morning tea ,liaising with my very tricky family ,the list goes on .
So if he goes awol ,attending football matches ,visiting art galleries helps keep him sane - good on him . And better for me ,I don't want to be having to spend too much energy propping him up .

I'm not familar with the cold stuff you mention above but remember that you can always warm up too cold stuff with a drop of warm stuff . ( though I imagine this may not be news to you smile )

Uniqlo sell ultra light down body warmers which aren't bulky and a range of heattech clothes which are light and warm ,if that helps at all .

and I've long been a fan of long johns !

good luck to you both

tunnocksteacake Sat 14-Sep-13 22:44:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingeroots Sun 15-Sep-13 08:03:26

Oh shit tunnock ,so sorry to hear that .

Well done for posting ,keep posting ,many hands here to squeeze and hold .
I hope you have supportive family and friends .Have you managed to tell them ?

flowers + brew


MrsShrek3 Mon 16-Sep-13 07:36:50

tunnocks, hugs. lurked more than posted on t'other thread. good support here, all hours of day and night thanks

olidusUrsus Mon 16-Sep-13 09:59:34

Hugs tunnocks [mug]

Plodding along here, about to start another round of treatment. Hoping it'll go well and be over in time for Christmas. OH is fretting it'll be his last he thought that last year too and wants to take the kids to his native Australia for the holidays. I cannot see that being an easy journey!

We've also been given an application form for an assistant dog to help with independence when he is finally back on his feet. Kids are thrilled with the idea. Woof!

olidusUrsus Mon 16-Sep-13 10:00:29

What a tit. That should be a brew for you, tunnocks! I am the only mug here sad wink

tunnocksteacake Mon 16-Sep-13 22:59:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsShrek3 Tue 17-Sep-13 03:32:33

signing in again.... am back to being nocturnal hmm

gingeroots Tue 17-Sep-13 09:08:13

lots of reviving brew for tunnock and MrsShrek .
Hang on in there tunnock ,have you tried ringing MacMillan for support ?
Take any help you can .

inaminute,dwag*,*Hellen - how are things ?

drudgewithagrudge Tue 17-Sep-13 16:40:06

Hi everyone

Bad,bad day. Things can only get better. Poor DH.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

MrsShrek3 Tue 17-Sep-13 18:27:18

wassup, drudge? cake and brew

gingeroots Tue 17-Sep-13 18:53:52

Tell us drudge ,it might help ?

drudgewithagrudge Wed 18-Sep-13 16:47:52

The chemo kicked in with all guns blazing yesterday making DH feel very ill. Also he has been constipated since last Thursday and was suffering dreadful stomach pains from wind and impacted faeces. Rang hospital and they told him to take senokot. By this stage he was clutching a hot water bottle and constantly going to the loo because he felt something was happening and then it didn't.

Took the senokot last night. That is another issue. He has always had real problems swallowing pills of any kind and has had to chew them up. The chemo pills are huge and I tried chopping them,no good, crushing them into a glass of water, that took over an hour for him to get down till he was almost reduced to tears.

Dreadful night both of us up and down, him to loo with no results and me refilling hot water bottle. To cap it all he had a bout of overflow diarrhoea all over the bed which upset him a lot.

Have spent today washing and crushing tablets. Luckily the senokot has started to work and after a couple of very painful sessions he is getting back to normal. He has slept a lot today but is a bit perkier when awake and ate a sandwich. The hospital gave us imodium for diarrhoea but we have had quite the reverse. I am going to crush his tablets into a spoon of honey tonight to see how that works.

You are right, it does help to get it all out here because people in RL wouldn't understand.

MrsShrek3 Thu 19-Sep-13 00:03:50

poor mr drudge. sounds horrible. the side effects of chemo are the worst thing imho. dh also had upset guts and there were numerous foods and drinks that he previously liked which he couldn't even look at during chemo. Hope he feels better soon. dh ended up keeping a diary so he knew when he would start to feel better for future cycles, and where the end of the rubbish phase was (in his case on day 16 of each 21 day chemo cycle)
was going to say that's shitblush (oops... )
keep your own health monitored too, make sure you eat drink sleep and all the mundane stuff you need.(do as I say not do as i do hmm wink ) hugsthanks

gingeroots Thu 19-Sep-13 14:26:08

Oh DWAG total sympathy - I messed all over sheets in hospital with diarhea and then was reduced to wearing a huge nappy until friend could bring me in pads blush. It was one of my low points .

Had the impacted stuff as well ,at home . Think senokot a bit violent ! Your poor DH . I went down the lactolose and laxido route and believe me that was bad enough . I would say it has been the worst thing to cope with of all the chemo and the op I've had . Would recommend maintenance dose of Laxido .

Glycerin suppositories were going to be next on my list - they are widely recommended and apparently don't make the stomach cramp - they work at the action end !

With the tablets I guess you can't break them in half ? Honey good idea or custard or yoghurt ( greek with honey ? ) .
I'm in same boat as swallowing is compromised ,there must be lots of us and I'm a bit hmm about why something more manageable ie 2 smaller and lower dose tablets as opposed to one higher dose horse pill not offered . It might be worth asking ?

And y y look after yourself . And you too MrsShrek.

olidusUrsus Thu 19-Sep-13 15:02:35

Welcome to chemo, drudge & DH sad

Hope he's fairing a little better now, sounds like you both had an awful night flowers

drudgewithagrudge Thu 19-Sep-13 20:13:12

Thanks everyone for your kind messages. DH is feeling better today and managing to eat a bit more. Still has to run for the loo several times a day.

I visited my DD and the grandchildren today which always cheers me up.

I just feel so helpless regarding DH and wish I could take all the misery away from him.

Hellenbach Thu 19-Sep-13 22:22:04

Hi everyone

Drudge sorry you are having such a rough time, hoping things improve over the weekend.

It's almost a year since we were told DH would have to have chemo. We saw his consultant this week and he commented on how well DH looked. It feels like we have come a long way since last Winter.

DH's symptoms have improved (night sweats) and the consultant said it's because the meds have stabilised the tumours so there aren't the side effects from tumour growth now. Yay!

Tomorrow is our 10th wedding anniversary. I can't believe we made it, it feels a bit like a miracle after everything.

Big hugs to everyone that is going through the mill at the moment.

MrsShrek3 Sat 21-Sep-13 22:46:00

happy anniversary Hellen and dh. (sorry slightly belated) hope you did something nice smile
Cancer makes all events like huge landmarks doesn't it hmm

triplets Sun 22-Sep-13 04:30:57

Hi everyone.............awake at silly o`clock, head full of gremlins! First of all so pleased Lizard to hear your wonderful news, its fantastic.Drudge I feel for you, its so very hard in the early stages, but this is what you need and it will help, support from all these amazing friends on here or on the Macmillan site itself. Talking of bowel problems/diarrohea my poor dh still suffers from them. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer in Feb 2008, had part of the bowel removed, woke up with an ileostomy (he called the bag Gladys grin) three years of living with that, then when things improved they reversed it and he has never been right since. He wears a pad for protection every day, even buys his own now in Sainsburys in his basket along with the gin!! So our update is he has developed a tremor in his left hand, been there for about 4 months, gp recommended a brain scan. So big week next week, on Thurs he has an apt with his lovely oncologist to get the result of his latest lung ct and brain scan..........those are the days I hate. Mind you I sit there wringing my hands, feeling sick........he sits there flicking through magazines and keeps telling me to stop it, always appears to take it all in his stride. He has been like that from the beginning, never ever believed it would beat him. Amazing. On Mon its our 35th wedding anniversary, where has the time gone to? Never could have imagined how our life would be, 15 happy years with our first born Matthew, then our lives ripped apart but his sudden death in 94. 3 years of the worst pain imaginable, followed by the birth of our triplets after ivf. 9 years of joy with them until cancer came along and tore our live apart once again. Now here we are, almost 6 years later, our trio are now older than their brother was when he died, and against all the odds Harry is still here and our biggest battle atm is coping with three teenagers grin And I wonder why I can`t sleep? xx

triplets Sun 22-Sep-13 04:34:17

Meant to say that dh found good old syrup of figs helped and was much easier to take Drudge.

MrsShrek3 Sun 22-Sep-13 08:50:22

I seem to have something in my eye reading your story triplets. I knew about Matthew and the triplets but all in bits and never in one go. amazing and sad all rolled up. you are amazing. Will be saying a little prayer for you with the appointment, if that is ok... scary stuff (again) round here we call that Pre Appointment Tension (PAT)! wink I bet you've researched absolutely everything that the tremor could be, but being here already there is always that big already-living-with-cancer perspective, it looks bigger than everything else in the list of possibilities sad huge hugs for you. Try not to assume anything. (impossible but hey)

MrsShrek3 Sun 22-Sep-13 08:54:39

PS will you write the guide book to teenagers please? I've only got one at almostteen and he's driving me nuts already confused

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