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chat and hand-holding for those of us supporting a DH with cancer - new thread for the new year

(742 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Sun 30-Dec-12 19:51:20

sign in, folks smile
Hoping that 2013 brings better stuff for all of us.

olidusUrsus Tue 13-Aug-13 16:49:22

Fingers crossed surgeon/consultant/someone will explain it all soon lizard, I'm not sure what the average is.

<<holds drudge's hand>>

lizardqueenie Tue 13-Aug-13 22:08:27

Hey drudge right here beside you. Any news on your DH after the op?

Been in to see mine tonight, he's doing better, pain now being controlled though he is very tired but asked me to set up his iPad for him before I left which made me grin

No news as yet on what they found but they did also have to take his spleen which they weren't 100% sure if they would need to but turns out they did.

Hellenbach Tue 13-Aug-13 23:01:15

Lizard and Drudge sending you big hugs, it's a tough scary time.

I remember DH's surgeon saying after the op he had got out all the cancer that he could see with the naked eye (this was straight after the sugery). We found out later that this unfortunately wasn't the case.

I think it took a couple of weeks to have the results back. It told us that the margin on the tumour wasn't clear and the exact type of cancer. My DH was told this as an in-patient I think.

Thinking of you both X

MrsBottesini Tue 13-Aug-13 23:06:59

hope ops are over and dhs are on the road to recovery. going back to techie stuff is certainly a sign of improvement wink
drudge, you're strong. you don't always feel it but you find inner strengths you never knew you had. And you have this invisible bunch of cyberfriends to help you too. Yes it's a long road. Carve it up into bits as small as you need to, one step at a time. smile

drudgewithagrudge Wed 14-Aug-13 17:09:38

Thanks everyone for your messages. DH's op went well but he is very tired and depressed. Before going to theatre for some reason he asked the surgeon how long he would have had if they hadn't operated. He was told about a year. This has hit him hard. I'm sure he didn't realise how serious his situation was. Thankyou "think positive" friends, you did a real job on him.
Waiting a couple of weeks for lab results then the chemo starts.

I feel so guilty because I am depressed and anxious. I am responsible for both of our mental states t seems to me and I feel very fragile at the moment. Hospital staff are very nice but you have to go through it to really understand. Glad I've got you folks.

Hellenbach Wed 14-Aug-13 17:26:52

Drudge I started on AD's earlier this year.
I spent a long time thinking I could cope, but I was so emotionally fragile.
I am so pleased I finally decided to take them. Now I feel than I can cope and have had no side effects.
The only was I can describe it is that instead of the anxiety and worry permeating everything I now have brief moments of worry which just don't escalate.
Don't struggle on for too long, be easy on yourself x

MrsBottesini Thu 15-Aug-13 10:48:23

Another one on ad's here. I struggled my way through from July to December last yr, then ran out of emotional energy and had to have a break. Work management were fab and actually told me to do it - I took a month off by the time christmas hols were included. Started the ads then to prop me up a bit - also felt that I was responsible for everything, DH, kids, house and parents and if I didn't keep going then everything would go tits up. Atm I can't get this time last year out of my head confused we have a new kind of normality now, it's strange stuff.

MrsBottesini Fri 16-Aug-13 08:38:57

how are y'all doing? how are the dhs?

drudgewithagrudge Fri 16-Aug-13 16:32:26

Brought DH home from hospital today so feeling slightly better.

In RL everyone asks how DH is feeling but only one lady asked how I was. She had been through the experience and I value her advice more than the rest of the positive brigade.

RL is strange.

MrsBottesini Fri 16-Aug-13 18:26:39

pleased to hear you have him home, drudge smile now you get to walk the fun fine line between looking after him as much as you want to without nicking too much of his independence wink Hope he's not a grumpy b@stard like mine grin grin
enjoy all the daft stuff like watching dds together and just try to chill out yourself too. thanks

lizardqueenie Tue 20-Aug-13 20:01:41

Hello to my lovely handholding ladies on here

Drudge how is your DH doing now he is home?

Right i have some big news, and not quite sure how to say it because it doesn't come out right however i say it but, it turns out that the tumour DH had removed was not malignant after all! We were told that they highly suspected it was cancer, thought that it was best to do the op, and when I asked how likely highly suspected meant they said 80%. Then we got the results at the end of last week whilst he was still in hospital. To say we were gobsmacked is an understatement. He came home yesterday and is very sore, very tired and looks frail but it is so good to have him home.

DH has really hasn't come to terms with the news as yet, and rather than shouting it from the roof tops is quite withdrawn about talking about it. I don't know if he is waiting for them to think they have made a mistake or if its just taking time to sink in but he hasn't been keen to share the news beyond our very immediate family and friends.

He will need to go back for a post op check in about 4 weeks and then again in a year for more scans/ checkups and scans to see how things are. He still has a tumour on his adrenal gland but they seemed to be satisfied from blood tests a while back that this was benign.

I cannot thank you all enough for the support, kind words, PM's and just brilliant and helpful practical advice I have received from you all. I wish I knew all of you in RL, I'd give you all a bloody big hug to say thanks so much for being there. I live in the SE London/ North Kent area and should any of you need a favour and you might be around this way or I can do anything to help, please do PM me. I know that you will all take it in the best possible way when I say I hope to not have to return to this thread in a years or more time and I wish you and your DH's the best wishes, healing and happiness for years to come. Much love, Lizard flowers

MrsBottesini Tue 20-Aug-13 22:43:06

bloody fantastic Lizard!!
Exactly the sort of news that makes us grin . And proves that the medics err on the side of scaring us shitless caution wink

pop back in and say hi sometimes, will you, pretty please?

Hellenbach Tue 20-Aug-13 22:45:47

Lizard Wowsers!!
What incredible news, like Christmas has come early.
I can only imagine your DH's head must be all over the place, what a fantastic surprise.
So pleased for you, go and enjoy yourselves wine

MrsBottesini Tue 20-Aug-13 22:48:45

how are you and yours doing, Hellen?

olidusUrsus Wed 21-Aug-13 02:27:04

Congrats lizard!

lizardqueenie Wed 21-Aug-13 19:04:07

Thank you all for your congrats. I cried reading your messages. Of course I will pop by if you will have me, and I will keep an eye on this thread to see how you are all doing. Big hugs and Helen I do not know many other people that use the word wowsers but this is definitely a wowsers moment! x

Hellenbach Wed 21-Aug-13 21:56:43

Hi MrsB
We are okay thanks. 6 months in on the chemo tablets, two scans and so far "all stable" thank God.

Just had a hol. DH still gets very tired, they are checking his iron levels, may need regular iron infusions. feels kind of okay, it's a lull, enjoying it while it lasts smile

MrsBottesini Fri 23-Aug-13 00:34:45


drudgewithagrudge Sun 25-Aug-13 12:32:39

lizardqueenie that's wonderful news.

DH recovering well from op. I think our honeymoon period after his diagnosis is coming to and end. I don't treat him with kid gloves anymore and say what I think. Find out next week about his chemo.

Life seems to consist of periods of "normality" punctuated by episodes of extreme anxiety.

Will be glad when he can eat a normal diet again. Can't stand much more steamed plaice, scrambled egg and plain chicken! Haven't the heart to eat stuff he can't have in front of him.

olidusUrsus Tue 03-Sep-13 13:17:05

How is everyone?

olidusUrsus Thu 12-Sep-13 15:02:58

Has everyone vanished!? Hoping no news is good news.

MrsShrek3 Fri 13-Sep-13 00:18:50

blush @ vanished
How's it going?

Hellenbach Fri 13-Sep-13 08:44:30

Here! Plodding on, caught up in settling DS2 into nursery class.

No scans at the moment so no results to fret about.

How is everyone??

cornyd Fri 13-Sep-13 08:56:19

Hello all - just saw this thread pop up on active convos so thought I 'd pop on and say hello. I was on the thread earlier on. Around this time last year my dh was beginning a 6 month course of IV chemo. Can't believe the time has gone so quickly. hugs to anyone who needs one. flowers

Inaminutenow Fri 13-Sep-13 22:47:22

Hi, my husband is taking his last chemo tablets of his last prescribed cycle ( for now) tonight - yay. About a month ago he finally had some improvement in his eating, so things are better than they've been in a while. Scan and blood test next week, onc appt the following week to discuss further treatment plans and then we're planning a holiday!
It has gone quiet on here, hope everyone's doing okay.

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