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Severely, severely scared about standard procedure

(55 Posts)
whimperinginacorner Thu 15-Nov-12 15:49:36

Just putting this out there because I am so scared I frankly don't know what to do with myself (honestly not exaggerating) and need help/collective wisdom of Mumsnet/coping strategies.

I know I need a large kick up the arse but I have delayed having an endoscopy/colonoscopy since October 2010 out of extreme fear.

Since then the symptoms have got worse (I have many of the symptoms of cancer of the oesophagus and am convinced I have it. My father died of it. My cousin is currently dying of it sad. And in addition to nausea, regurgitation/acid reflux, I can now feel something at the back of my throat and a fortnight ago, spotted a creamy white patch or lump behind my right tonsil.)

So I have made another appointment (in 10 days time) to discuss the above and already have a space booked for the endoscopy/colonoscopy at the beginning of December, but despite the fact that the fear of not knowing is almost approaching the same level of fear about the procedure, I honestly don't know if I can go ahead with the latter.

If this was the history of someone else I would be screaming at them "of course you must go and have it done you nutter" but I am so terrified at the thought of having a tube put down my throat that I am currently a gibbering wreck; I don't seem to be able to focus on anything else and am almost paralysed with fear - can't function normally. Just making the appointments on the phone caused extreme nausea, shaking, sweating. How on earth am I going to get through the actual thing?

whimperinginacorner Wed 05-Dec-12 09:24:44

Hi Minty hope you are OK - good to hear that you came through the worst of it relatively well yesterday - and I hope that there have been no ill-effects from the procedure.

I feel quite ashamed reading your post - mine is so straightforward compared with what you have been going through. No wonder you were worried about the procedure given what happened before!! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that 2.5 yrs ago - I'm amazed you trusted the same consultant to treat you a second time!! It was v. brave of you to go ahead with it in the cirumstances.

Hope you can take it steady today and that you have been able to reschedule your interview!

Jalopy I have to say that I was so scared yesterday (and the fear sort of built up throughout the day ifyswim) that I nearly rang and cancelled but (a) having just given my dd a little talk on facing fears straight on and not avoiding things she dislikes, it occurred to me that I had to follow through on that one myself!! and (b) I knew all you lovely lot on here would be asking how it went - therefore I went ahead - so thank you again for all the support!!

The appointment went really well tbh. It was at 6pm and I was the last one on the list so it was all very calm at the clinic and I only had a very short wait. My consultant is absolutely brilliant too - very accommodating, calm and reassuring whilst being very competent at the same time.

We talked over all the issues and came to the conclusion that we are just going to do an endoscope this time. He also prescribed anti-anxiety meds to take just as I am leaving home so that I can actually get to his office!! He is going to give me a first appointment on a Wed afternoon so that I don't have to wait and he even said that he wouldn't force me to do anything and if I get there and can't go through with it, he will understand and perhaps then he can think about admitting me to hospital etc etc (although I would prefer not to have to do that obviously). So, all in all, a very positive experience.

Don't know when the appointment will be yet as I have to speak to his secretary this week (she had gone by the time I arrived yesterday).

Only slight blight on the day is that I happened to come across a medical programme (Dr Oz show) while I was de-stressing and surfing the tv channels late last night and he just happened to be discussing the current rise in oral cancer and what things to look out for etc etc. I have to say that what I have looks remarkably similar to what he was describing and is in one of the places where he says it often occurs ... so back to worrying .. although no point in doing so I suppose until we know for sure what we are dealing with.

Sorry (again) for the essay! Good luck to those of you undergoing the same or similar procedures soon!!

mintyneb Thu 06-Dec-12 14:56:44

hey whimper, well done for going through with your appointment smile. You've got over that first major hurdle and so you will with all the next ones. It sounds like you've a good consultant who is taking your fears seriously so that has got to help.

Don't feel ashamed, it sounds like you have every reason to feel worried about what the consultant might find. Please try not google any more!

I think I'm starting to relax a little now that I've got yesterday out the way. I probably won't relax entirely until the biopsy results are through though.

My consultant is actually lovely (I think i might even have a bit of a crush on him blush) and I do trust him. I actually overheard him say to a trainee dr on Monday 'I feel sorry for people with duodenal polyps as the treatment options can be quite risky' so I don't think he's bad at his job just that there are hugh risks involved.

Anyway please come back and keep us posted about your appointment. I want to hear that you've come safely out the other side!

PS I didn't get the job I went for, have no idea whether that was because I was still full of heavy duty sedation and didn't answer the questions properly or whether I just wasn't the right person!

jalopy Thu 06-Dec-12 16:12:01

Well done for attending the appointment. See, you're incredibly brave and managing the anxiety so well.

Well done to Minty too.

Sounds like you have a fantastic, understanding consultant. I'm glad it was a positive consultation. Just one more appointment to go.

Try not to worry about the oral problem. Your health anxiety is heightened at the moment and every bit of information is worrying you. As you say, no point in wasting energy freting about something that you might not have. Hopefully, the specialist will have a good look on the day and will allay your worries.

Good luck. Chat to us if you get wobbly on the lead up to the appt.

Movergirl Thu 06-Dec-12 17:02:11

Whimper, please don't panic. I had some white patches on my tongue a few years ago and completely freaked out. I went straight to the dentist who reassured me that it was completely harmless "frictional keratosis". Ever since have been hyper- vigilant about my mouth, and I too noticed a creamy white patch on my tonsils. I panicked- again-, but couldn't bring myself to go back to the dentist. Fear I suppose after I'd been so stressed out first time. I watched it and waited- and it disappeared after about 6-7 weeks. Then it reappeared the next time I had something very minor like a cold or something- and stayed again for 6-7 weeks. And it still does. Never mentioned it to dentist, and she's never mentioned it either. It's very easy to worry- am very prone to that, but I'm sure you'll be fine. Thinking of you all.x

jalopy Tue 18-Dec-12 14:41:23

Whimper, how are you? Did you get an appointment for the procedure?

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