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Brain injury

(99 Posts)
babybarrister Mon 12-Nov-12 11:08:52

Just to say James Cracknell who suffered from a brain injury after a cycling crash is doing a webchat today about his new book written with his wife - I am sure that I cannot be the only spouse living with a brain injured partner, so please come on down and contribute!

TheWombat Tue 27-Nov-12 21:02:10

Ha ha vino my DH is the same - far more house proud than I am. In fact, he once told me off for placing forks the 'wrong side up' on the draining board whilst I dried up hmm. I try very hard not to get in the way during meal preparation times smile. Other triggers are: towels folded the 'wrong' way, and when I lie in bed in a way that scrunches the duvet up untidily grin (we both laugh at that one). At first glance I'm sure many MN-ers would shout 'red flag!', but its not that simple and in fact, more than worth it: I can't remember when I last did the vacuuming, and his Thai green curry was what got me into bed in the first place!

Wonderwoman YY to DH's family being less understanding. They don't really seem to 'see' any symptoms apart from the seizures (ditto neurologists) when actually on a day-to-day basis, that has the least impact of all the challenges we face as a family. When they visit, they don't seem to get that their presence (throughno fault of theirs) is tiring for DH and makes it harder for him to relax in his own home. They don't understand why he disappears off to bed at 7.30. It seems to me like DH feels he has to justify what he does with himself all day. sad

My family are used to neuro symptoms - my DGrandfather was injured in ww2 and had PTSD symptoms that were similar in presentation, if not origin. They understand that tiredness, irritability, OCD etc are all part of the package and are quite accepting. They desperately want to help - but of course the only things that really help are sleep, rest, and time out from concerned family members! grin

madwomanintheattic Wed 28-Nov-12 04:40:17

Lol at the Thai green curry grin

There has to be an upside. Can I swop mine for a house proud model, pretty please? grin

babybarrister Wed 28-Nov-12 16:05:04

I am in shock and feel like we have won the lottery - much to my surprise the critical illness policy has paid out over a year later - despite them initially having said no and me wading through pages of conditions on conditions on conditions. If anyone else has one of these policies they have not dared claim under, do have a gosmile and yes we certainly will be making a donation to Headway!

TheWombat Wed 28-Nov-12 18:40:31

Woot woot! <<does a little dance for bb and family>>. That's fantastic news! So glad to hear your hard work paid off - must have taken a lot of determination. I hope you've opened a bottle of something fizzy smile

madwomanintheattic Wed 28-Nov-12 19:41:47

Aw, that's great news. Never give up hope, and keep fighting, and very occasionally it will work out x

babybarrister Thu 29-Nov-12 08:46:24

thanks - DH cannot really drink grin!!!! seriously if anyone wants any advice on claiming I am happy to help ....--self appointed expert--
so that is one policy down, 3 to go grin [all with different insurers .......]. I think a part of it is being an organised girly but also having a great neurologist who I felt sure these insurers could not "trump".
To be honest I already have 3 lever arch files full of stuff which we have accumulated in 13 months and I am also a lawyer - it is a hell of a lot to ask of people to sort out and I bet that there are a lot of people that simply gave up as brian injury is so difficult to pidgeon hole

prettybird Thu 29-Nov-12 09:06:12

Great news - and a big pay on the back for your perseverance.

Mum didn't have critical injury insurance and although the travel insurance would have paid out if she'd died or lost a limb (and to be fair, did pay out a whack in hospital costs and for medivac back from India), because she survived (and even though the accident ultimately killed her), there was no further payment.

But thems the breaks. Dad would far rather still have had her around. At the time, he was just grateful she seemed to be recovering.

madwomanintheattic Thu 29-Nov-12 14:30:27

bb, I'm still in the middle of a medical negligence claim over dd2's brain injury <sigh> so I totally understand. I think we are four or five years in, not sure. It all takes so long. We're on our second independent expert.

Yy, pb. Dh got not a single penny from the specialist insurance provider, whereas the dude who sustained a broken nose in the same explosion got a few thousand (up to ten, can't remember) with exactly the same policy. How's your dad, now?

I am not a fan of insurance providers.

prettybird Thu 29-Nov-12 15:33:32

My dad's great - the best of the lot of us smile.

He's got himself a new girlfriend. Actually an old one - she was his best friend's girl friend at Uni shock

But because they live on different continents, it's a long distance affair wink. I'm really happy for him.

As I said to my best friend a wee while ago, maybe if she was some bimbo close to my age or younger , I might feel a bit threatened different. But as it is, I'm really glad he's got company with someone who knows him from way back (and who knows that mum and dad were "the hottest thing on campus" grin) and who can make him happy.

madwomanintheattic Thu 29-Nov-12 17:07:46

Aw, that's lovely. I'm sure she's no replacement, but it does help to know that he has some good things going on too x

babybarrister Fri 30-Nov-12 09:19:11

what a lot there is to deal with in the way of fall out - I am sorry that insurance policies did not pay out

prettybird - good to hear about your Dad's new gf
madwomanintheattic - good luck with med neg claim - I know that these things can be v drawn out ... many times financially though it actually works out for the best as the true consequences are then known smile

babybarrister Fri 30-Nov-12 11:41:25

Also good news re release of Danny nightingale - I hope that this news story can be used in some way to further a better understanding of brain injury smile

TheWombat Fri 30-Nov-12 14:41:04

PB What a lovely story re your Dad and his 'new' GF - and I can see why it makes a difference to you, to know that she knew your mum and dad as a couple.

I was also really relieved to hear about Danny Nightingale and agree with bb that perhaps his case could help raise awareness about the impact of brain injury. Although (slightly off-topic) I did hear on the grapevine that in his SAS troop there was a weapons amnesty following his conviction, and they managed to collect a skipfull! shock Could all be Chinese whispers of course smile

madwomanintheattic Fri 30-Nov-12 14:52:47

On, not Chinese whispers. I had a huge barney on a thread about it. grin I actually wondered if he was quite deliberately prosecuted on the war trophy account, knowing his brain injury would result in a much shorter sentence on appeal, and the MOD would still have managed to put the wind up all the guys sitting at home with war trophies.

It's yuk for him, but tbh honest the brain injury was two years after he was presented the gift by the Iraqis, and the dude had a ridiculous amount of ammo at home too. These boys spend their entire lives making an oath that they aren't removing any ammunition from ranges, so he would absolutely have know for two whole years that he was law breaking. Mostly they don't care - so the amnesty called after his arrest proves that his arrest did actually make at least some of the 'trophy' holders fess up and ditch the stuff safely.

So, I'm kind of in two minds - I don't like that that they chose to go after him, what with the brain injury and all - there are literally thousands of others with this shit at home. But I do wonder if somewhere along the line they went for the 'example' thing knowing he wouldn't end up doing too much jail time because of his history.

I am glad he is out. I am curious what is going to happen now though - if the MOD are saying he is not culpable on the grounds of his TBI, then they have to discharge him. He can't go back to work. So it means renewed attention on brain injury in the military, which can only be a good thing. They are effectively saying that he shouldn't have had access to this stuff since his BI. I doubt that anyone will accept they were ignoring the signs though - and unfortunately (like dh etc etc) Danny himself has to face up to the fact that the success of this appeal means he is essentially accepting some responsibility for continuing to work and not highlighting to the MOD that he was struggling.

Bit grim all round, but I'm glad he's out. I didn't for one minute believe he'd serve 18mos.

madwomanintheattic Fri 30-Nov-12 14:54:13

<should add, it isn't just the SAS that brings this stuff home. There are completely defined regulations about decommission and certifying war trophies etc, but the boys choose to ignore it, and just bring it all with them. There are rocket launchers and all sorts. grin>

TheWombat Fri 30-Nov-12 15:33:08

<I agree, having once opened a kitchen drawer in a MQ house and discovered it was full of bayonet gizzits>

babybarrister Fri 30-Nov-12 16:57:17

DS would love itgrin all we get from DH work is the odd pack of postitsgringrin

babybarrister Mon 03-Dec-12 21:06:57

There is a charity called the brian injury group which some of you may find interestingsmile

TheWombat Tue 11-Dec-12 15:25:41

Hi everyone, how are you all doing?
Am just feeling rather smug because I have had a telephone conversation with a lovely man from Headway called Dave, and have arranged for him to come and visit us next week to chat to DH. I will let you all know how it goes.

DH has been away last week on a jaunt with his ex-RAF pals - v good for him (sounds patronising, I don't mean it to be) but oh dear, I do suffer a little bit when he returns exhausted and slightly hungover wink. Worth it though, I have to say his friends are awesome and very supportive. We are both lucky that way.

BB if I ever spot any interesting 'gizzits' from DH's ex-job, I will keep your DS in mind smile

babybarrister Tue 11-Dec-12 15:59:04

so pleased Headway of some help - we have found them of great support

TheWombat Fri 21-Dec-12 15:21:31

Headway update: had a lovely home visit from the Headway outreach man today, who was so kind and helpful. I think DH felt properly listened to, and that there really might be some benefit for him in this. Headway man is going to apply for funding from local authority, and depending on what the award is, DH can attend our local Headway centre for rehab / get CBT / have in-home help, or a combo of the above. I think DH was reassured to find someone who understands and who has seen this before in many other people. He was with us about 2 hours.

It's mainly due to showing DH this thread that I was able to persuade him to try it - so I owe all of you a big Christmas thank you thanks.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas (whilst staying away from loud noises, crowded family gatherings, over excitement, any kind of music, stress, change in routine, late nights, etc hmm )

babybarrister Fri 21-Dec-12 19:29:43

Very pleased for you smile happy Xmas to you too

babybarrister Tue 01-Jan-13 22:23:02

Anyone eve had any involvement with the Oliver Zangwell centre in Ely? I am wondering whether it might be suitable for DH. Thanks and happy new year to you all smile

midoriway Tue 14-May-13 23:42:11

I have just found this thread for spouses of TBI. Still reading though all the posts, but am up late doing more paperwork for the solicitors. Does this ever end??

DH been at CBT all afternoon, now he is an exhausted wreck.

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