My Mum has Breast Cancer, what do i do? How do i 'comfort' her?

[KateSpade]

I can't quite believe i'm writing this, but my mother just found out today that she has breast cancer.

Its under her arm so she won't have to have a mastectomy but is having the lump and lymph nodes (i think) out within a fortnight, then onto chemotherapy for 6 months.


Its come at a bad time (not that theirs a good time) I've just gone away to do my Final year of Uni. Its not properly sunk in yet, I don't know what to do, should i talk to her about it, 'be strong' or not mention it?


Another thing that you may not understand but i just want to get it out their. I have a very close friend, and out lives have always been mirrored in someway, when i am in hospital ill, she's been in hospital ill with something unrelated, relationships have broken down, un relating but always mirrored. Anyway, her Dad died a couple of years ago, and its sort of freaking me out that my mum may die as it happened to her with a parent? It sounds so stupid i know, but I don't know how id go on without my Mum.

Any advice?

[defineme]

There's never a good time (as you've said) and you must talk about it. Be honest and straightforward-it is crap she's got it and she will feel crap, but she has you and you will be there for whatever she needs.

This friend stuff is just chance and it's only your mind freaking out making you think it's important. Focus on the important stuff-spend time with your Mum and work hard to make her proud.

[KateSpade]

The realist in me knows its just by chance, but the other irrational side of my brain is going mad.

Its shit, but she doesn't seem phased by it one bit. Saying its just routine and she'll be fine, i really hope she is. She's my best friend and i truly wouldn't know how to move on if anything happened!

[BackforGood]

As someone who was diagnosed last year, and is fine now, I can tell you it depends totally on the person. Some people like to be really open, others (and I'm surprised how many) like to deal with it much more privately. Difficult to know how your Mum might feel. Oddly, I think - possibly like your Mum - it was MUCH easier to cope with, and I was much more matter of fact about it happening to me than I ever had been previously when I'd heard news about friends or acquaintances.
You might also like to know that Breast Cancer is by far the best cancer to get - very, very treatable for so many of us these day .
Obviously difficult I know if you are away and worrying about her, but really she would want you to carry on as normal as much as you can.

There's load of lovely ladies onver in General Health topic, under the heading of Tamoxifen (then I don't know what number thread they've got to now) who answer all sorts of questions that people are worrying about but perhaps don't want to ask in real life.
MacMillan also have a good website and so do Cancer Research. There are opportunities to find out more on all of these.

[KateSpade]

I've spoken to her today, and i she seems okay, her under-arm has been aching, but she seems positive enough. My dad works for the NHS so he's been telling me she's getting the best care she ever could, ect, so thats something.

Thanks for the replies.

[BackforGood]

Well, if there's anything on your mind, that you want to ask, don't let it fester - ask on one of the options above. Or you are welcome to pm me, although, as I say, my treatment was all over and done with in 3 months so I don't know specifics about some things.