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how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

(690 Posts)
MrsShrek3 Mon 23-Jul-12 22:57:20

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

MrsShrek3 Sun 30-Dec-12 19:52:57

phew. back to being an ogre again. suits me much better doncha think...
new thread

NicknameHistory Sun 30-Dec-12 19:37:47

PS outing self. temp namechange mrsS3 and will be changing back soon.

NicknameHistory Sun 30-Dec-12 19:37:02

good plan lisa smile
will do the honours then link if you'd all be willing to come....

lisad123everybodydancenow Sun 30-Dec-12 17:44:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicknameHistory Sat 29-Dec-12 20:48:56

poor mr daisy. hoping the badass AB's have got rid of all the infection. How's he doing now? see ya later with cream cakes and chocolatewink

daisydotandgertie Sat 29-Dec-12 20:13:39

Roll on 2013.

December has been a fucking shite month, Mr Daisy has been in hospital for all but 5 days of it. Mostly for an infection which wouldn't go, and then for tremendous chest pain which turned out to be caused by a swollen liver which was caused by the infection and shockingly damaging antibiotics used to get rid of it.

My jeans are also working their way south; and they're ones I couldn't get over my thighs in the summer. Glad I'm not the only one!

Chemo no 11! Good luck. How many more to go?

ShrekTh3Halls Thu 27-Dec-12 21:04:21

chemo 11 shock best of luck.

wishing us all a better 2013 smile

overthemill Thu 27-Dec-12 10:13:54

Just popping in to say belatd happy Christmas to mrsshrek and others. I have chemo no 11 tomorrow and oh my word I am dreading it as had an extra day off due to xmas timing.
Sorry to hear of your troubles mrsshrek but I hope you have had peaceful time. Much love

Turningupsidedown Mon 24-Dec-12 21:43:17

Hello, hope everyone is holding up ok. Cancer mixed with Christmas is a very strange thing.

Lol at the bank robber impersonators grin Sorry everyone's attemps at breaks were hit by floods and illness..sad DH had his appointment today, with yet another new consultant, who asked us to tell her all about it from the start yet again and then said she had none of the notes so couldn't decide anything and booked a new appointment for the 2nd of january confused

Hope everyone has managed to cope with it all and get ready for tomorrow. Chaos reigns here, but then that is the new normal! I panic bought some really strange presents at the last minute so there may be some very confused faces tomorrow grin

Thanks for that info Lisa I am another one who needs new jeans, or at least more holes in my belt to keep them up grin

lisad123 Sun 23-Dec-12 21:38:29

Ladies, I'm not sure how many of you know but Macmillian do a one off fund payment to cover extras needed during cancer treatments ect. Things like to help with extra heating costs, newer clothes due to weight loss and even a short break. Might be of use to most of you grin

ShrekTh3Halls Sun 23-Dec-12 20:10:35

good on ya corny smile
eeek at floods. hope you had a good break, lisa (the views were awesome I believe wink)
we had a one-night Christmas holiday treat. Which turned into a 'mare because dh and I both felt rubbish (for different reasons, obv) and dd was sick [eww] ahh well. Just proves the motto of this year, again.... Do Not Plan Anything particularly anything nice because it will go tits up I also need to figure out where to find approx two stone (other than on the DH's backside) and steal it to keep my trousers up. Even my skinny jeans are falling down hmm confused

cornystollenslave Sun 23-Dec-12 16:16:55

floods - oh no! Hope it wasn't too stressful for you.

dh struggling a bit more with this cycle again, although he said he feels more like himself today. He says he feels guilty cos he's not helping out enough, although I've spent most of today lying on the couch eating turkish delight and mning whilst he's been to the shops...<bad wife emoticon>

lisad123 Sun 23-Dec-12 16:05:16

How are you all holding up? The stress of cancer and Xmas must be awful for most confused
The stay in cottage wasn't as relaxing as I hoped, mainly due to my parents and floods, but we are home,mw arm and chilling with DVD whole dh sleeps.
Thinking of you all x

cornycarrotshack Thu 20-Dec-12 23:28:23

grin bankrobber look!

ShrekTh3Halls Thu 20-Dec-12 21:44:38

great update corny. so smile to hear from you, lots more good vibes your way.
DH going for the bank robber look atm even in the houseblush am going to resist buying him any more hats or scarves for Christmas grin

cornycarrotshack Mon 17-Dec-12 22:16:57

Hello everybody. I don't know why I keep losing this thread - putting it on my watch list now!
Looking forward to Xmas here - ds's break up on Friday - looking forward to lie ins sooooo much.
Dh on number 5 ( i think) of his chemo and after the bad one a few weeks ago he's been much better. Struggling with the cold though - losing feeling in his fingers when he goes out to put stuff in the bin!
MrsS - time off work sounds like a good choice - especially in your job. Hope you feel better soon.
Hellenbach - I am joining you in eating the high calorie foods I think - have eaten so much stollen I've gone off it!
Turningupsidedown - sorry that GAH is back for you. My dh hasn't been too bad but his fuse is short. A market researcher came to the door and was rude to me the other day. Had to stop dh from going after him and giving him hell.
Lisa - hope dh's results are good news. A stay in a cottage sounds lovely.
Daistdotandgertie - hope your dh is over his infection and out of hospital now. What a worry for you.
Overthemill - wow you are on the home run now! Are your ds's last few cycles hopefully the end of his treatment? Fingers crossed for you.

I'm so sorry to read oopsydaisy's thread about her dh. sad

ShrekTh3Halls Sat 15-Dec-12 23:57:43

DH yes definitely depression / mood swings in here - seems like nobody gets through unscathed, tbh. DHs chemo gives him peripheral neuropathy - so fingers and feet are numb, and various other bits are tingly further up his arms and up to his knees. the result of that is that he can't grip well, cried when he tried to take plates out of the dishwasher as his hands hurt and he thought he was about to drop stuff, he can't do up buttons and he can't play his music. So his self esteem has taken quite a knock. That in combo with the generally-feeling-tired-and-and-crap that comes with chemo is quite a recipe for depression. Sometimes he can get out of it for days at a time, but quite easily fall into it for days at a time too. Just part of the road we are travelling I suppose.
BTW, Anyone got a map so we can get on a better road, or has that bitch Pat got that in her bag as well? wink

Turning, fab post....loving the bit about dropping the consultants' profiles into convos (DH does similar, their faces are a picture when he does) and I am utterly confused with hospital 2, consultant 3 and such. I'd have to have a Big List. wishing you all the best smile

Hellenbach Sat 15-Dec-12 22:52:48

Hi everyone, thanks for making me feel welcome.

Everyone's lives sound so complicated, it's not just me then!
Things have been a bit rubbish (understatement). DH went into our local A & E with a temperature and ended up being admitted for an infection for 4 days.

To be honest it turned out to be a bit of a break for me. I hadn't realised that having him at home 24/7 was in fact like having an extra child! But both the children missed him badly and DS1 started having nightmares.

Anyway he is home, bloods okay so 3rd cycle of chemo on Tuesday, just hoping he will be well enough to enjoy Christmas.

Anyone else think their DH is suffering from depression? I suspect we are dealing with that too.

Also, I have stocked up on high calorie food to build him up and I am the one eating it all!! Not great just before Xmas!grin

Hang in there everyone.

Turningupsidedown Sat 15-Dec-12 02:39:59

Hello MrsS see you are up late as usual, er, snap! I think of everyone all the time too, and PMSL at Pat putting all the time in her suitcase grin yep I think she has. I have started imagining what she looks like now, a sort of Tim Burton version of Mary Poppins maybe, turning up with a scowl and a black carpet bag and plonking herself down in the middle of the sofa daring anyone to try and make her leave! Or maybe like the wicked witch in the wizard of oz.... (this is probably due to an overactive imagination and lack of sleep blush Although we could try dropping a house on her or something to see if that gets rid of her....)

Totally understand the last straw thing, I have really hit the wall this last week or so, weirdly as some things have calmed down a little, I think it is because I finally had time to react to it all, if that makes sense? So sorry your Dh has been sicker this time, thats so tough and totally understand the last straw thing with a health issue with your DD (hope she is ok sad ). With so much going on it doesn't take much to tip over does it?

I would love DH's feckless brothers to come back from Oz even if they do just drink beer! At least they kept DH distracted. He is very GAH now with being stuck at home. Do any of you remember Harry Enfield's charater that just said all the time 'you don't want to do it like that you want to do it like this' well that is DH - i don't drive the car properly, empty the bins properly, load the dishwasher properly etc. i.e. anything he would normally do, but I am having to do at the moment hmm.

We finally sent Pat packing for a short while, DH's 'margins were clear' which apparently in laymans terms means they think they got all the tumour out this time - this is a very good thing as it means no more surgery for the time being grin . So finally stopped feeling like it is Groundhog Day. So next stop is radiotherapy to zap any escapees that did a runner prior to surgery.

DH's latest trick is to try and spook the consultants by dropping little facts from their online profiles into conversation during his appointments. As we are now on to consultant number five and still seem to be seeing all the others at four different hospitals (although they do seem to be arguing about that hmm ) I resorted to printing off their profiles from the web to keep track of them. DH likes to open the folder on their pages during appointments and mention things from them - really freaks them out grin I on the other hand am convinced we will turn up at the wrong hospital for the wrong appointment before too long confused .

Next week I have DD2 for her weekly check up on her leg, DH to see new consultant about the radiotherapy but at our local hospital hurray! I have to see dentist as my bridge fell out leaving me lisping and looking like a toothless wonder (tis a really attractive look) , DD1 has injured her knee, and DD2's long overdue paed appt. for her ASD has finally arrived - my boss thinks i have muchausens or something confused

Rubbish timing on the Pat business MrsS sad at Christmas, just the time for appointments and biopsy's etc. hmm we might have a lovely appointment on christmas eve although they keep changing everything every few days, but we are practising our christmas carols in case so we can keep ourselves entertained as it always runs at least 2 hours late over in hosptial No2 with Consulant No3, although once they have heard our singing, you never know the queue might get shorter.... grin Nothing like the strange mishapen attempt at a christmas tree in the corner of the hospital waiting rooms to get you in the christmas spirit hey? Hope that having some time off work helps you to get through it all MrsS and that you start to get a break in the new year.

Lisa it must be hard enough to deal with the permanancy of your DH's cancer without having to keep explaining it to people, especially family sad sorry to hear about your DM's stroke that must make things more difficult. And sad at your DH not getting his results, thats stressful knowing they were there but not knowing what they were. The cottage in the middle of nowhere sounds fab though, have a really great time smile

Hellen how are you doing? Do come back and chat if you need to. Even if we don't answer back straight away we are all thinking of you and each other. smile

Hope everyone else is ok, take care all and please excuse my overlong posts. I don't get on here for days and then I get verbal diarrhea grin

MrsShrek3 Sat 15-Dec-12 00:27:23

well at last Ihave a minute or two to update properly. DH has had his 6th chemo (and last on current treatment plan). He's been very sick this time, which he hasn't before hmm and has been sleeping and waking quite randomly. He's put on about two stone and now somehow we need to motivate him to get off his backside and lose it again. This isn't going to be any easy ride. We have all the PAT stuff to face over Christmas and new year, with repeat CT/contrast scans, bone marrow biopsy, all kinds of stuff again. Awesome timing, eh?
As for me, I've been signed off work for a month sad We hit one of those "last straw" style moments last week, it was something relatively minor, a health issue with dd, but all of a sudden it looked like the whole thing was going to go tits up. So I had a chat with some absolutely lovely people at work and we all agreed that trying to juggle work into the equation wasn't really doable, so I would be better off taking a bit of time off. It's a bit crap really as work was the one thing I have been enjoying, it's where my support is and really it keeps me going. But I can't get signed off the DH and the mother kids which tbh is what I actually need. Will go back in the new year new start and all that.
I often wonder about how all you are all doing, you are all always in my thoughts. Would love to hear how people are getting on if they have a spare minute. Time is a weird thing in this strange world we all inhabit, it sort of vanishes erratically. Is that Pat one pinching it and shoving it in her suitcase?
Take care all, good vibes all round smile

MrsShrek3 Wed 12-Dec-12 10:58:04

pmsl at all the Pat stories, esp setting her a place at the table. gallows humour but hey.
DH chemotherapy yesterday and slept through it hmm so was up all night sick. This is a new one...on round 6confused

thanks and hugs to all who need them. Thinking of you all.

lisad123 Tue 11-Dec-12 11:18:07

hello ladies. just popping in and checking to see if all DH are behaving smile
shame mothers cant do the same eh MrsS?? My mum asked me the other week how long will dh need treatment for and have cancer for? um though we covered that already, its forever. I will give her a break, she had a stroke last year and things somethings just dont stick.

PAT is giving us a break atm, but dh is refusing to ring for his last results angry

we are heading away over xmas, hired a cottage in middle of no where and cant wait smile

Hopingforhapppiness Mon 10-Dec-12 13:40:54

I just want to applaud all you dedicated and caring posters on this site. Thankfully, I have never had to deal with your situations and I wish you all the best outcomes and joy over Christmas. Keep strong. xx (Sorry I have nothing more useful to say)

Turningupsidedown Mon 10-Dec-12 13:26:07

Update: After the setbacks, the graft eventually started to behave and DH got home just in time for his birthday, and also the surprise arrival of two of his brothers from Australia. They flew all the way over for just 5 days and then back again. Completely crazy but DH thrilled. Loads of DH’s family then came to visit DH and his brothers, so I ended up doing endless catering and washing up. They did do some jobs around the house but mostly drank beer confused Glad for DH’s sake as he hasn’t seen them for several years (all his immediate family are in Oz) and it was such a boost for him, but so exhausting.

Had a bit of a trauma with DD2, she had routine minor surgery booked to remove a small growth on her leg while DH was in hospital, but it didn’t go as planned and a rather larger piece came out a few days later leaving a hole, and needing emergency visit to drs with hysterical DD. They sent the lump off to pathology and TBH my head was going crazy waiting for results for her too but thank god they have just come back and are clear. DD might need further surgery to deal with scarring on her leg though. We are back to DH consultant for his pathology results today. Between them they are keeping me busy in a permanant state of panic

My lovely DSis came with her partner for a few days and did grocery shopping, cooking and put up all of our Christmas decorations smile I am trying to pull myself together and do something about Christmas, I didn’t start any shopping until yesterday blush Ordered a pile of stuff on-line that will hopefully come in time.

DSis left on Saturday and I have been feeling really tired and weepy all weekend. I think it is because it is the first time since the op we haven’t had people in our house and the first time I had a chance to really think about everything. I am struggling with work, finding it hard to concentrate, but am a bit of a one-man-band in the bit I work in and am worried I won’t have a job if I don’t keep it going somehow and we have no other income now sad DH is a bit GAH now as well as he doesn’t have anyone to distract him. And what with DD, etc. PAT has been around so much we set her a place at the table grin Hopefully packing her bags for a bit after today's appointment smile

Turningupsidedown Mon 10-Dec-12 13:11:58

Hello all, how is everyone? Sorry for the absence, things have been very hectic.
Thumb you are right, leeches would definitely be better than maggots! Didn’t need either in the end which is good (DH disappointed he thought it would sound good to tell his mates confused ) It must have been hard having DS2 in hospital when so little, regardless of what it is for, it is horrible when it is your baby and sad for those other children.
corny sorry to hear DH is struggling this time, hope he feels better soon. How many more to go?
Daisy hope your DH is out of hospital and feeling better, how many more rounds for you?
over nice to ‘meet’ you I think I joined thread since you were on, sorry it has been tough, hope its not too long to go now.
Lisa how are you doing, are you all free of the bugs you had now?
MrsS glad to hear you are having some time off, it is not defeat, there is only so long you can keep going with all this, especially with your DM adding such helpful comments hmm How is your DS doing now?
Hellen Hugs sounds really tough for you too. It is good to have somewhere to offload with others who know what it feels like, has been getting me through it. My RL friends do their best mostly but had one ring me yesterday and usual greeting of ‘how are you’ I said to be honest I am exhausted, she said ‘Oh? Why?’ Seems she thought things would be back to normal by now….. confused It is good to offload honestly on here and everyone is so supportive.
If I have missed anyone out, apologies and hugs for any that need them. Update in next post……

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