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Advanced prostate cancer

(6 Posts)
drinkyourmilk Fri 26-Aug-11 12:35:47

My dad has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I've been told it started in his prostate and has spread to his back. He has been offered radiotherapy and pain management. I'm absolutly in pieces - I can't see him until next weekend (he needs to time to process all this with my mum, he only went to the gp on monday so hands up to the nhs they have really moved fast with this). Apart from needing to see and hug him I need to know what i can do and what will happen medically next. I've had a quick scan on the internet but its all very confusing at the moment and terrifying.

If anyone has any advice or experience I would be extremely grateful.

ninah Fri 26-Aug-11 12:40:37

really sorry about this
what he will need from you will depend on his personality. Just treat him as normal, he is still dad not 'a cancer patient'. Don't be frightened. Talk if he wants to, or there may be practical things you can do to support your mum. Speak to the Macmillan nurse if he has one
Medically there are no certainties. It sounds like he's in good hands, however.

ninah Fri 26-Aug-11 12:42:54

and you're right about the internet. I'd stay off for now, at least til you've seen him and spoken to the professionals.

bemybebe Fri 26-Aug-11 12:48:12

Oh drinkyourmilk, I am so sorry to learn of this! My mum died from terminal cancer a few years ago, so I think I know what you may be feeling. Don't be frightened, you will adapt and so will your family, humans are very resourceful when it comes to times like that.
I cannot offer much practical help - we were in a different country. Well maybe just that on learning the news (in our case - pancreatic cancer and 6mo life expectancy) my mum and I booked a two week holiday in a nice relaxing place before the illness became overwhelming. It it one of the best memories I have of our time together.

bemybebe Fri 26-Aug-11 23:04:52

just bumping this for you, surely there are people with more advice on mn...

JoyceBarnaby Fri 26-Aug-11 23:27:17

My FIL had prostate cancer for quite a few years before it spread. One of the many, many difficult things for DH and his family was the lack of firm 'answers'. There are quite a few different ways of dealing with prostate cancer, depending on the patient and how the cancer is behaving. I expect this is the case with many cancers but I don't know. I second the advice to try and speak to Macmillan - preferably the nurse who will get to know your dad's situation. I found their website really good for general information and there are forums on there too, which you may find useful.

I'd also like to point you in the direction of the charity Prostate UK. My MIL has become an ambassador for them and I think they seem to have s lot of good info. I'm afraid I can't do links easily on my phone but I'm sure a quick google search will do the trick. I definitely would avoid the Internet in general but I think their website might help a bit.

I'm sorry you're going through this utterly shit time. Remember to look after yourself, too xx

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