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how can i get my bf to get a patch of skin on his back checked out? im worried about it

(10 Posts)
juicychops Mon 18-Jul-11 21:29:40

my bf has this patch of skin (he wont let me take a photo of it) its about the size of 1 and a half 50p coins. its got like a spot/pimple thing in the middle which i always feel when we're in bed naked cuddling as its on the top of his back on his shoulder blade area. it looks different from the rest of his skin its a different skin colour shade to the rest of him. its looks a bit like a scar. he's had it for a while and it wasn't until the other day when we was watching a video on the video recorded that must have been almost a year old and you could notice it so clearly.

ive asked him about 20 times in the last couple of months to just get it checked for peace of mind but he wont.

he's got all sorts of blotches and lumps on the insides of his thighs which i have always assumed is from where he's overweight and his legs get sweaty and rub together. he's constantly smothering his thighs and groin area with sudocrem (gross i know)

my mind is working overdrive with this patch on his back. im worried its cancer and these other blotch things on his legs/groin are it spreading.

how can i make him go get it checked? its really doing my head in and if it does end up being serious it may be too late to sort it out.

juicychops Mon 18-Jul-11 21:48:54


Footle Wed 20-Jul-11 18:32:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri Wed 20-Jul-11 19:27:14

Ask him if you can make him an appointment, sometimes it is the actual physical act of picking up the phone and organising a check up that people find hard to overcome.

Have you got anything you need checking? - I'm wondering if you could go along the lines of 'I'm getting my sore foot checked next week, why don't I make an appointment for you and you can get your skin patch looked at?'

SagaciousCloud Thu 21-Jul-11 08:56:24

Don't know how to help you get him to the doctors other than raising hell with him.

Possibly can help with the sore thighs though. My DH is on the large side and uses an anti-chafing cream he buys at a cycle shop (he is also a keen cyclist, despite his size). Google 'chamois cream'.

juicychops Thu 21-Jul-11 18:43:10

thanks everyone for your replies. dp has a different doc to me as we don't live together so i wouldn't be able to let him come with me as i don't think they will let him do that.

im going to try and take a photo on my camera tonight (if he'll let me) and see if i can email it to some kind of online doctor or something (or even you guys) to see if anyone can tell me if they think it looks serious or not. maybe someone will be able to put my mind at rest. although the close up thing on my camera has broken so i don't know how good a photo il be able to get.

i am worried about it. but i do tend to over worry about my body because i have a lot of moles and have had to have one in particular checked a lot because it is dodgy looking so im just extra cautious when it comes to dodgy looking skin things!!

dp also never wears suntan lotion and last summer he went abroad and didn't have any lotion on for the first 2 days and his skin on his back was just disgusting with the blisters and burns. im worried this has been caused by that

i shall google that cream now as it sounds like what dp needs!!

wicketkeeper Fri 22-Jul-11 11:33:20

Hmm - he's very overweight, won't use suncream, won't go to the doctors even though he knows you're worried. It sounds to me like he simply doesn't look after himself well at all. This is a much bigger issue than simply not wanting to get a funny patch of skin checked out.

You need to build up his self-confidence a bit, so that he sees that he's worth bothering with. And in the meantime you need to make him see that you think he's worth bothering with, even if he won't bother himself. Make an appointment for him, tell him when it will be (use your best matter-of-fact, this is what's going to happen voice), and if he refuses to go tell him to ring himself to cancel the appointment. Answer all his complaints with 'I can't just sit here and not do anything, I love you too much for that.' Good luck.

AngryFeet Fri 22-Jul-11 11:37:13

Not to worry you but this is always a possibility as the scar like texture you describe I would see as being "pearly". He needs to go just in case.

AngryFeet Fri 22-Jul-11 11:37:24

Link might help!

juicychops Fri 22-Jul-11 18:04:05

wicketkeeper, your right, he doesn't look after himself at all. He has a stressful job and a stressful living/private life situation so he has been under huge stress for the last few years. he just doesn't seem to have the time or energy to look after himself. he could be a very attractive man if he lost some weight and made an effort, but he would rather sleep and comfort eat than sort himself out. Ive tried persuading him to go on a health kick with me eating healthy, doing some exercise, but he makes excuses or always says 'once xxx is done' or 'once ive sorted yyyy out in a few weeks' and its not mentioned again.

I asked him last night if i could take a photo of his dodgy patch but he bit my head off so i left it. il try again on sunday evening when he's next round. if i still dont get anywhere then im going to tell his mum so she can persuade him to get it checked out.

He's worse than a bloody kid!!

thanks for the link Angryfeet. Once ive managed to get a pic il post it on here so you can all give me your opinions

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