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My very good friend has got cancer and i am scared

(24 Posts)
Summerbird73 Mon 11-Jul-11 12:43:07

I have known her for over 20 years, she is in her late 30s. She went in for a total hysterectomy as she had an ovarian cyst. They removed that, but have found spots on her liver, lungs and diaphragm. They are waiting for her to recover from the op before starting chemo (could be up to 3 weeks shock but i see why she has to recover first). They have said the spots are small but because they are all over the place she needs chemo.

We have spent the last 20 years going to gigs together, bickering, being there for eachother, advising on boyfriends then husbands, getting on eachothers wick, getting completely plastered together and all in all just being really good friends.

I am scared, want someone to hold my hand. Please god let her be ok sad

Elibean Mon 11-Jul-11 13:30:01

I'm sorry sad

I would be scared too, and sad. Big hug for you, a hand to hold, and lots of strength to carry on with exactly what your friend will need: her old buddy to bicker with, advise, be there for her, and all in all just be her really good friend.

You sound like a lovely friend. Here's to a fast recovery for her from the op, so chemo can start to kick spot-butt asap.

Summerbird73 Mon 11-Jul-11 13:41:20

thank you elibean smile i have just had a lovely text from her saying how she appreciates me being there for her and being a good friend etc. i just wish i could make the ultimate gesture and wave that magic wand for her sad

CamperFan Mon 11-Jul-11 13:41:44

Your poor friend. I don't have any experience of this I'm sorry. You must be at a loss as to how to be there for her, but I am sure someone else will be able to give you some advice. I really hope the chemo works. X

PieMistress Tue 12-Jul-11 21:42:40

summer I would be scared too [virtual hand hold]. As elibean has said, she will need you to be the same friend you always have been - with hugs, chat, bickering and hand holding. It might be easier for her to lean on you and not her DH (IYSWIM).

I really hope she recovers from the op soon so the chemo can kick some ass. Hopefully because the spots are small it will be able to get to work on them.

On another thread you had said how lucky you were to have such good friends and I'm sure your friend is thinking exactly the same thing about you, hugs x

K999 Tue 12-Jul-11 21:48:12

What kind of cancer does she have? My best friend has stage iv and it's awful sad she's doing brilliantly though, fighting it every step of the way. She is just about to finish 6 months of chemotherapy sad

Bellagio Tue 12-Jul-11 21:49:12

My friend had cancer and has just finished over one year of chemo, its been a really tough time but she is going to be ok.
You sound like a lovely friend, just be your normal self with her and let her talk it out if she needs to.

Summerbird73 Wed 13-Jul-11 09:02:43

K999 and bellagio those stories have given me hope so thank you for your messages.

pie thank you for your kind words and hand holding smile

Summerbird73 Wed 13-Jul-11 11:56:02

right i am on positive thoughts about my friend. she is coming out of hospital tomorrow which is grin but the only prob is that she is in Newcastle and i am in Manchester sad i have already sent her books but might trawl amazon for some more. can anyone suggest anything uplifting i can do for her from a distance? she loves period drama's, crafty stuff, sleb twaddle that kind of thing.

notquiteyetamum Wed 13-Jul-11 14:48:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

notquiteyetamum Wed 13-Jul-11 14:50:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Summerbird73 Wed 13-Jul-11 15:35:06

notquiteyetamum thank you for your posts, i was interested to hear about alternative therapies as i (naively) thought that only medical intervention would be an option. I will check out your blog. smile

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 14-Jul-11 21:56:12

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 14-Jul-11 21:57:52

Message withdrawn

Lilyloo Thu 14-Jul-11 22:00:53

I agree shineon curing cancer is certainly not about affirmations and forgiveness sad if only it was that easy .....

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 14-Jul-11 22:05:36

Message withdrawn

Summerbird73 Fri 15-Jul-11 09:15:01

shiney dont worry, i thought the same when i read the post but just glossed over it as i didnt want to sound ungrateful.

i didnt check out the blog because (a)isnt it against MN rules to blog on here? and (b)there is no way my friend would resist chemo and she would tell me it is all a load of bollocks and (c) I want my friend to live, not take the risk of resisitng chemo and die through 'forgiving'

i also wanted ideas for some fun things to send my friend, i want to take her mind off (if only momentarily) the cancer. so with the greatest respect i wont be sending her that book.

to everyone on here who is going through the same thing then i am holding your hand smile

HeyYouJimmy Fri 15-Jul-11 14:19:49

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your friend. I hope your friend is keeping her chin up. How are you coping with it all?

Summerbird73 Fri 15-Jul-11 21:58:46

turns out it is stage 1V sad

right that is a lifetimes worth of hand holding i am going to be doing.

BallerinaBetty Sat 16-Jul-11 08:24:14

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. My very good friend has just finished 6 months of chemo and yes it was scary. All you can do is be there for your friend, let her talk when she wants to, laugh with her, cry with her etc. I couldnt always see my friend but I tried to send her daily texts - and importantly kept her up to date with gossip!

You could send her some magazines (although be warned - a friend and I gave our friend a stash of trashy magazines when she was in hospital and she promptly got addicted to the competitions and bingo!!!) If she's crafty what about cross-stitch kits/magazines? They are quite easy to post. I started cross-stitching after my baby died and it is really therapeutic.

I'm thinking of you and your friend - I've been lurking for a while but yours is the first post I've had the courage to reply to because I remember how I felt when my friend was diagnosed. Stay strong hun x

Summerbird73 Mon 18-Jul-11 09:21:22

what a lovely post ballerina and thank you for all your advice smile

smee Mon 18-Jul-11 11:43:36

Summerbird, so sad for your friend and for you. It's the worst possible news, but even within Stage 4 there's hope, as there's a lot they can do to slow it all down. Am guessing how she responds to chemo will be crucial, as that can really shrink it.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year - was a bit luckier than your friend, as mine hadn't spread. My BF made a massive difference to how I got through. She knew as much as me, read up on everything, knew when my appointments were - she came with me to most of the chemo sessions. Best thing she did was just to be there and be honest about it all. We laughed a lot in a black humour sort of way. I honestly think without her I'd have crumpled. x

Niecie Mon 18-Jul-11 12:00:26

So sorry to hear about your friend Summerbird73.

I have a good friend with cancer too. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 8 years ago with secondaries on her liver. She is still fighting although she seems to need either major surgery and/or chemo almost annually as the bloody disease keeps rearing its head. It will get her in the end but when she was diagnosed they didn't think she would last more than a couple of years

There isn't anything I can say to make it better. I so wish I could for everybody on this thread but I just wanted to say that I understand what you are going through. It is horrible isn't it? sad

The other thing is that when my friend was diagnosed it wasn't possible to do a liver section for breast cancer but a couple of years later it was. There is always hope that there will be some new way of beating this. It isn't necessarily all over although I appreciate for many people the luck runs out. Keep hand holding and being there. Keep bickering and advising and getting on each others wick too because if my friend is anything to go by, she is still her and she doesn't want her relationships only to be about cancer - she does want to talk about normal things too.

Sending best wishes and good luck to you both. x

Summerbird73 Tue 19-Jul-11 09:04:43

thank you so much smee and niecie the last couple of times i have spoken to her she has been very upbeat. i cant be with her as we live in different cities but i can be there on the phone. thankfully she is in no doubt that i am there for her.

i sent her the complete set of Ab Fab DVD's - she was over the moon! smile

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