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DH confided in me last night he is throwing up after eating. Advice needed.(6 Posts)
Am a regular but have name changed due to sensitive issue.
Dh is in his 40?s. Fit, attractive, but always has been hugely insecure.
Last night he asked me to make an GP appointment for him, we had a long chat about why and he really opened up. He is suffering from anxiety. He wakes up every morning feeling anxious, for no particular reason. He is fearing redundancy at work, there are no indications this will happen but he says he finds himself listening to conversations and phone calls, panicking if there is a meeting he is excluded from. His hear beats fast and he gets sweaty palms. He is sleeping lots, going to bed earlier each night. He is quite highly strung. We have no money worries but he refuses to check the balance online as it makes him feel anxious ? we are not OD and have no credit card or loans so again, no reason for him to feel like this.
He suffers from Vitiligo that he has had for as long as I have known him, in the past few months it has got considerably worse.
Then he told me he has been making himself sick after eating I know he used to do this as a teen, before he met me, but had no idea it had been going on as an adult. He was sketchy about how long, and how often and I didn?t want to push the subject or make him clam up. He feels very ashamed. He said he often eats too much when we have all gone to bed, then feels bloated so makes himself sick. He also exercises to obsession on a daily basis. 15 mile runs, 60 mile bike rides, and is always talking about fat content of food, calories, how fat other people are etc etc.
He has an appt to see the GP next week. He seems to think he can take a pill and it will all be better. I am looking at the bigger picture and thinking this is deeper than he thinks??..any advice/experience much appreciated.
Poor man. Sorry he is feeling so bad. Perhaps when he gives the impression that he thinks a pill will be a quick cure, he is minimizing it for you, because he feels guilty/worried about 'inflicting' his problems on you and making you woried?
I think it is brilliant that he has been able to tell you (even if he delayed it for a long time), despite the strong feelings of shame he has. It seems to show he trusts you a lot.
I'm not sure I can give you any advice that you don't already know, but I suppose that being non-judgemental and supportive, as I'm sure you already are, is very helpful for him.
Talking to the GP might help a lot in itself, and anti-depressants might well be a source of help -- though anti-depressants plus counselling is likely to help more. I'm guessing he will just be given anti-deps alone, if he already feels this is the right way to go, but that counselling might be available too if he pushed for it.
I did mention councelling last night. I think he would benefit from it hugely, am certain his dysfunctional realtionship with his parents has a lot to answer for. But he recoilled in horror at the thought of talking to a councellor. He is very much a non emotional man. Not one for discussing feelings at all. Getting him to talk to GP is a huge step.
I'm so sorry you poor DH is going through this - it is a horrible thing. I was doing the same from my teens until my mid thirties (I am 51 now). It takes a lot of work/treatment to recover (and in my case it is something that will always be there but I have it under control now)
What worked for me was lots of therapy/counselling - and it involved going through a lot of difficult stuff in my past - it is hard, and emotional, but if he really wants to beat it, I think it should be something he looks at. Another type of therapy that might be useful is CBT, which can help in dealing with behavioural triggers and how to recognise the signs and deal with them before they get out of control.
Anti- depressants help too, but they take a few weeks to kick in and often several months to get the dose at the right level. But definitely worth trying I'd say.
I hope you have a good sympathetic GP, who can point him in the riht direction to overcome this, - maybe he will be more willing to go for counselling if it comes from the doctor?
I also think its great he can talk to you and has admitted his problems - I hid mine for years, but once I'd got it out in the open it did become a little easier to deal with.
good luck to you both.
I would recommend CBT. That's more about how your brain is wired up to respond in a certain way eg anxiety, given certain conditions. So it doesnt have to be about pouring out emotions. More analysing how thoughts environment and feelings are tied together and how to untie the associations you don't want. All very logical.
It helped me recently, particularly in work where I got anxious every time I got an email from my boss, fearing id done something wrong when it could be just asking who wanted to go the pub after work.
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