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is there any point in looking into aspergers etc as an adult?(4 Posts)
I'm pretty sure there is 'something' going on, or at least decinitely was when i was a child. I'm now being treated for MH problems, (bipolar) so it's hard to work out what is what now. More out of curiousity than anything, although i suppose it could help with treating the mh stuff, and i'm hoping to do open university if I ever get well enough.
i do have a ed pschologist report saying i'm dyslexic (tbh if i even am, it's minor in the list of weird stuff my brain does) and she put that some aspects that i have are sometimes called dyspraxia (although i thought it is a separate thing?) the report is from when i was 19 though, and i was referred, at my request, from college, to see if i had dyspraxia.
i'm not even sure aspergers is the right word - i think i'm ok socially, i just get nervous and say stupid things or get excited and say stupid things, lol, but i am definitely bipolar so that explains that. i was deeply unpopular and 'different' at school, but i always just put down to a combination of me being a bit odd, and them being not so clever. i'm really not a genius, these days i have such a bad memory that i struggle with community classes, but i used to comfortably be in the top 5 of 150 in exams (apart from the odd one that i did utterly awful in - it was always extremes) the dyslexia report said 98th percentile, which is top in a group of 50, which is probably right - in a group of educated people i feel quite slow, but in workplaces (i have only really held down jobs needing no qualifications, and anyway i don't really have any) i feel clever.
anyhow, that's not the point. the point is, my brain is odd. eg i do weird sensory things - they were worse when i was a child, but i suppose i don't spend hours a day in a school now, so who knows? i know that school used to make me feel panicky and unsttled - the same way a piece of clothing or a noise does when it's not right. i used to wrap myself in loads of layers of clothes, even in summer, self harm, push myself into small spaces, etc. i went months without brushing my hair because it felt funny, and weeks without washing or brushing my teeth ( i do now, don't worry! although i have to be sedated for the dentist and gaven't been for about 3 years, not because it hurts, but because i hate metal things in my mouth - if a fork touches my teeth i can't finish the meal. i know i need to go though - i can't chew with one side at all now without pain and all my teeth wobble, but that's another story.)
even now, i'm sat here adjusting my clothes and getting a bit het up about the waistband on my knickers touching my c section scar, despite it being 19 months old.
I had speech therapy for a lisp that is still there, i was 11 before i could ride a bike, still can't swim, handwriting awful. Apparentally i was reading at 2, before i was talking properly. i certainly remember reading adults books when i was little, eg my mums textbooks when i was in infants. My spelling has gone worse lately but I think that is the medication I am on. In primary school swimming lessons, there was a group for swimmers, a group for non swimmers, and me and a boy who spent most of tge week in special school, in the baby pool, with a ta trying to get us to let the water touch the backs of our heads (he got it before me). One of the primary school teachers in year3 took to trying to rid me of my fears by forcing me to climb stairs that had those gaps in them. that ended in me face down screaming. school 'threatened' me with an educational psychologist, but my mum refused as she didn't want our private business aired.
So something was/is going on. Not sure if it would do any good to find out what. could it just be dyspraxia? is there even any way to look into it more? everything tends to get blamed on bipolar these days, and i do have that, but i think tbe above is something else. my sister is a teacher and she says she would send me for assessment if i turned up in her class.
So go for the assessment and see a good doctor and tell them everything, if it helps type it out. Look, I also am not a social person just replied to one of these things saying that. And I have always hated the feel of certain things that make my hands feel dirty, to this day i still like long sleeved cardi's so i don't feel things with my hands. I hate dead flies they make me feel sick, and I can't hoover them up as i think the burring noise of the hoover is the dead flies coming back to life inside the machine, although i no this is stupid. I hate the way snow falls and the feel of rain. I also have in issue with bread certain bread with certain food, cutlery has to have it's own compartments knives cannot touch forks etc. Coat hangers and shoes have to point in the same direction, books must slope downwards when on a shelf. And there are more lots, lots more but I am normal or have always assumed i am normal. I do have a fibromyalgia and nerve pain from an accident and i still have pelvic symphasis despite my son being a year old. We all have personal peculiarities. But if your worried have it investigated. And good luck
How would i even get an assessment? I'm not even sure it is anything, like you say, it could just be me being a bit odd. thing is, i'm already getting a lot of treatment for mh, so seems bad to make a fuss, and i can't go back in time. but, i am a social person, i would dearly love to have more friends. i just find it so hard, i am shy atm, but even when i've been outgoing it is rare i actually connect with someone, and if i do then i get overbearing and they run off. if a coversation doesn't do what i planned i panic.
I don't even know why i want it to be a thing and not just oddness, suppose then i would be able to show i wasn't making it up. i used to think everyone had these things, like being scared of knees etc, but starting to think maybe not.
Look sorry had to sleep, but I used to be the same about the cutlery until me and hubby had a massive row about it many years ago and I threatened to walk out if he ever put spoons near knives again, I thought everyone hated it, but no just me, there may be others but i have never looked for them. I also could never finish a meal if someone finished before me, even if I was starving and hubby eats fast, so he basically forced me through these weird things, I still have them but I have always thought I am border line OCD, maybe that is all it is. And I am the same as you in ways with people, so I just avoid them I have some close friends who forgive me for myself, but this is easier online typing. But my husband loves small talk so I have tried to adapt and I am not as bad as I was I have learnt get out of room tricks so if I am uncomfortable I can leave. And my children help, having my own space and being rural and isolated helps I interact when I want and the house is how I want it.
And everyone wants to say 'I have a whatever' instead of admitting that they are just a bit unique and have created these scenarios of out of small things and they have just ballooned out of control like me and flies started as a thought when I was small and just grew and now i am lumbered with the fear in the back of my head.
If you are really concerned though ask to be referred to a neurologist or behavioral psychologist, your doctor will help, it might even be linked into your other illnesses somehow, ask doctors don't mind. Or look for people with similar dislikes it might be enough to reassure you and help you accept the extra parts of yourself are ok to live with and nothing sinister. Please let me know how it all goes.
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